Soapwatch with JACI STEPHEN: Guns blazing at the Bistro!
The sniffer dog that started off the drugs suspicion at the Bistro a few weeks back is the only walking thing that has ever shown the remotest interest in the food there. The clientele certainly don’t and for all the chefs’ alleged trips to the Cash & Carry, there’s precious little ever joyfully bubbling away in the kitchen.
The tedium of the drugs storyline finally reaches a head when two masked gunmen enter the Bistro, point a weapon at Ryan, and demand he hand the stash over. Sam, the only wise person in this asylum of lunatics, dives under a table and calls Nick, who answers to the sound of a gunshot.
As Nick, Leanne and Damon race towards the forever doomed hostelry, they fear for Sam and Ryan. The police, in a rare display of promptness, arrive, and yet again it’s Craig, the ubiquitous copper, and a sniffer dog too.
What, again? My guess is they’re only after the steak. Will this precipitate the end of Damon and this ludicrous storyline? We can only hope.
On a more light-hearted note (and heaven knows, we need them at the moment), Bernie discovers that she is a natural at golf, and the Ladies’ Captain tells her they’ll waive her membership fee at the club and offer her a scholarship.
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The sniffer dogs and police are back at the bistro in Coronation Street (pictured, Leanne and Nick are pictured here with Craig)
For someone who can’t afford to buy a packet of burgers for the nine people at home, how’s she even going to buy the right shoes, let alone a set of clubs?
Maybe Stephen has a set lying around. Surely he must have cracked a few skulls with them over the years.
Talking of Stephen… he’s up to no good again, colluding with Sarah, Michael and a man called Rufus from Donahues, who is keen to see the entrepreneurs’ samples. Incredibly, he decides he wants exclusive rights to their products – shoulda gone to Specsavers.
Having told Rufus that Carla is his PA, will Stephen be caught out when Rufus starts chatting to his taxi driver, who is none other than Peter?
Naturally, the foghorn doesn’t stay quiet for long, so has Stephen been rumbled?
As if her prognosis was not bad enough, now Lola must deal with the school, where an unknown adult has attacked Lexi’s friend Maisie. In fairness, Maisie should not have poked fun at Lola’s ailing health, but Lola suspects her own online presence may be to blame.
There’s an even bigger shock in store at the salon later, when ‘Nicole’ is revealed to be Lola’s mum, Emma.
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In Eastenders there’s an even bigger shock in store at the salon later, when ‘Nicole’ is revealed to be Lola’s mum, Emma (pictured)
With all this going on, in addition to her gruelling cancer treatment, it’s a wonder the poor girl doesn’t drop dead from a heart attack. Can the week get any worse?
Of course it can; this is Walford. When Emma turns up on the doorstep, Lola makes a shocking discovery about her past.
Will she be able to accept the truth, and what will it mean for her relationship with Emma? And there was us thinking Lola being with the walking Mogadon that is Jay was the worst her life was ever going to get.
Ever perceptive, Chelsea suspects something is wrong with Whitney. Seriously? Yes, her baby’s diagnosis is horrendous, but when is there ever not something wrong with Our Whit?
Can anyone cheer her up? To the rescue Finlay and Felix, who, not knowing the truth, hold a movie night, hoping to distract her. Fat chance, because they are interrupted by a visitor…
Is romance rekindled for Mandy and Paddy?
Can any couple get together without resorting to alcohol? I’ve heard of Dutch courage, but in this village, the locals go full-on Netherlands every time.
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In Emmerdale Paddy and Mandy are getting closer. Could they be rekindling their previous relationship?
When Mandy and Paddy spend an afternoon reminiscing, they soon dissolve into alcohol-fuelled laughter. But when they lock eyes (all eight of them; they are surely seeing double by this time), are they about to take a physical trip down memory lane?
It’s the sofas I feel sorry for. How many liaisons have taken place on them over the years?
How on earth have the springs survived all this romping activity? I want to know the Dingles’ retailer, because the last sofa I had threatened to collapse even when my Chihuahua jumped on it.
Mack continues to bumble around like he’s still nursing a Burns Night hangover, haunted by the secret he’s holding in the face of Charity’s happy banter. He tells Chloe he’s going to come clean, unaware that Sarah is listening upstairs.
When will people learn you can hear everything in these houses? The walls don’t just have ears; it’s as if they’re harbouring Dumbo behind their panels.
In the middle of Cathy’s birthday celebrations, Bob questions her about her periods. Whoa, Bob! Are you really surprised she blows a gasket?
Just light the candles on the cake, mate; you have one job!