The joy of three bad goals on a wonderfully rubbish weekend
Several defensive crimes in quick succession and a goal from absolutely nothing.
Schadenfreude rating: 6/10
Seamus Coleman vs Leeds
Amongst the excitement of a rare Seamus Coleman goal and Sean Dyche being back in our lives it is easy to miss the positioning of Leeds goalkeeper Illan Meslier.
Yes this was a beautifully-hit shot and of course Coleman would usually cross from that position. The reason he did not is there was no one in the middle to aim for. Coleman noticed this, Meslier did not.
The keeper’s head swivel as the ball flew straight through the expanse between him and his near post was a delightful sight. Unless you support Leeds.
Schadenfreude rating: 7/10
Gabriel Martinelli vs Villa
This one is as much about the cast as the circumstances. Already slightly humiliated when Jorginho’s shot cracked the bar then went in off his head, Emi Martinez decided to trot up for a late Villa corner.
He then found himself haring back towards goal as Arsenal broke, with six players between him and his open net as he crossed his halfway line. Not ideal, and nor was the opportunity for Martinelli to celebrate before actually scoring.
Comeuppance, perhaps, for the Argentina keeper’s shenanigans after winning the World Cup, and a severe telling off afterwards from his manager for good measure. Ho ho ho!
Schadenfreude rating: 9/10
Two other brain fades to round off a vintage weekend, first Erling Haaland’s close-range howler at the City Ground then Nick Pope’s tragic-comic decision to attempt to head a ball off Mo Salah’s toes then handle well outside of his box.
His subsequent red card means he will miss the League Cup final and given Martin Dubravka’s cup-tied status, that means a likely Newcastle debut for Loris Karius. Not just a blast from the past but a near-guarantee of some extremely terrible goalkeeping. In other words, if it wasn’t already, the League Cup final is now a must-watch.
Source: telegraph.co.uk
It is easy to feel jaded about winter in the modern Premier League when Saturdays, weekends, entire months can pass without memorable incident. Business as usual, big teams winning, Fantasy Football bores proved right about their boring teams with boring names. This weekend felt different.
It was an unusually lively slate of games, with Aston Villa 2 Arsenal 4 setting the tone. It made me ponder what elevates football from something to admire to something to enjoy. What sparks enough joy to survive a root-and-branch review of the sport chaired by Marie Kondo?
I was reared when standards were drastically lower and the paragon of excitement was a pre-fringe views Matt Le Tissier. Crucially, the football which got me hooked was strewn with errors. Blame Danny Baker videos or the simple pleasure of laughing at others’ misfortunes, but I still find myself disproportionately drawn to the moments when this sleek marketing vehicle is punctured by the shambolic.
These are the times when the game casts off its pre-ordained strictures and reveals the chaos below, big blokes chasing a sack of wind around a large field. Increasingly they are tough to come by. Consider the skewed clearance by a goalkeeper, a familiar sight when the backpass rule was brought in. Now, at a time when most keepers are decadently comfortable with the ball at their feet, it is vanishingly rare. It is not out of the question that these sorts of errors will be effectively eliminated in the decades to come.
Thankfully there was sustenance galore this weekend for us fetishists who enjoy football most when it is slightly inept. These three especially shoddy goals would not trouble the compilers of @crap90sfootball, but so many years of non-stop multi-platform analysis have made us far savvier about defending. The bar for a gaffe has been lowered.
In this context, we reach our first enjoyably rubbish goal of the weekend.
Son Heung-min vs West Ham
Alarm bells should have been ringing about West Ham’s defence after Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg threaded a pass through half David Moyes’ team for Ben Davies to tee up Emerson Royal and Spurs’ opening goal. Ahead of the second, defending looked like something West Ham had only read about in books.
An aimless punt forwards from the Spurs defence ended up towards Harry Kane and Angelo Ogbonna, who at 34 has decided the centre-back manual involves letting balls bounce before you engage with them. Kane held him off with rather too much ease, Ogbonna made a laughable attempt to head the ball away which just teed up Kane to tee up Son for the decisive second goal.