What it’s like when identical twin sister transitions into brother

Savita Naidu thoroughly enjoys looking through old family photographs. However, these pictures hold more significance than mere recollections of a joyful upbringing alongside her identical twin sister, Suchita.

In these images, Savita, who is now 21 years old, can accurately identify the specific instance when they, originally born as a biological female, made the choice to transition into a male.

The images of smiling, podgy-faced babies in pink babygros, their shiny dark hair in matching pigtails, start showing differences between the pair as early as toddlerhood.

One photograph is especially poignant. ‘It was our third birthday,’ says Savita, who goes by the name ‘Sav’.

Each of us had our individual cake. The one I had was decorated with vibrant green frosting and featured characters from the movie Madagascar.

‘Suchita’s was a pink princess cake. She’s wearing a dress and I’m in a T-shirt and trousers. I didn’t care about gender roles back then – I was only three – but, looking back, that picture says so much about what was to come.’

Sav had different interests compared to his sister. While she liked Barbie, make-up, and fashion, he preferred action figures, superheroes, and cars. Sav’s favorite color was blue, while Suchita’s favorite color was pink.

According to her parents at the time, their daughter was a typical ‘tomboy’.

However, after 18 years, Savita now prefers to be referred to as ‘he/him’ and ‘they/them’ instead of ‘she/her’. They now identify as male and are currently on the waiting list for a gender identity clinic to begin their transition to becoming a man.

Based on the most recent census data, there is an approximate count of 250,000 transgender individuals in the UK. However, what sets Sav’s narrative apart is the extraordinary aspect of being born as an identical twin.

And Suchita, who possesses identical DNA and originated from the same egg, has pursued a completely distinct journey.

Sav has opted for a shorter hairstyle and prefers loose-fitting attire, whereas she embraces a highly feminine style, often seen in high heels and form-fitting dresses that accentuate her small body frame.

Earlier this month, Suchita successfully competed in the ‘make-up-free’ round of Miss England, securing a highly sought-after spot in the nationwide finals of the beauty pageant.

She expresses her desire to use the opportunity of becoming a beauty queen as a platform to address the issues faced by marginalized and discriminated individuals, including her own sibling.

The twins have made unconventional life decisions, despite being the children of traditional Malayasian immigrants who arrived in Britain 23 years ago. However, Sav and Suchita claim that their parents are extremely proud of their accomplishments.

Surprisingly, the recent revelations have brought them and their entire family closer together.

Suchita states that our parents possess an exceptionally liberal mindset.

We engage in genuinely open and honest conversations with them. They prioritize intelligence and emotional understanding above all else.

Born in Hampstead, North London, in 2002, Suchita and Savita were the youngest of four daughters for Saroja, a maths teacher, and Sree, a barrister. Their parents met at university and moved to the UK in 2000 when Sree got a job with the energy company, Shell. Five years later, the family returned to Malaysia, where they stayed until 2012.

When they were young, Sav explains that he and his twin had a very strong bond, which was even stronger than their relationship with their older sisters, who are currently 24 and 26 years old.

“I have a vivid recollection of Suchita getting into my crib,” he recalls. “During our childhood, our parents would often discover us on the staircase landing late at night, seeking entry to their room. Suchita was the playful one – she would assist me in escaping.”

Until they turned six, they attended the same classes in school. “On the day they informed us about our separation, we sobbed uncontrollably,” Suchita recalls. “Our parents had to come to the assembly and comfort us by holding our hands. We simply couldn’t stand being separated.”

Growing up in Malaysia, where homosexuality and cross-dressing are imprisonable offences, could have been harrowing for young Savita, who says he was aware of having feelings for girls, not boys, by the age of eight. ‘Although there is a lot of institutionalised homophobia, society there is actually very liberal,’ he insists. ‘You can dress how you want and do what you want.’

Suchita explains that her family is quite large, with her mother being the youngest of nine siblings. She emphasizes that everyone in her family is very affectionate and compassionate. However, there is no open expression of homophobia. Instead, the lack of discussion about sexuality is deeply ingrained in their culture and traditions.

Sav was frequently described by family members as having a “boyish” nature. Rather than causing any distress, he chose to accept this label instead of confronting the underlying emotions he was going through. He explains, “Since my parents already had three daughters, they weren’t concerned about me not being feminine. My dad enjoyed purchasing football equipment and toy cars for me, which was a pleasant deviation for him.”

It is commonly believed that twins possess a unique intuition, and Suchita sensed a distinctiveness in Savita since they were five years old. During their pretend wedding games, Savita would always assume the role of the groom.

Suchita confesses that she had a strong intuition that it was not appropriate for him to identify as a girl. She silently contemplated the fact that her twin sister did not align with the female gender. However, she refrained from expressing her thoughts and instead began perceiving Sav as her brother, a role he had consistently assumed.

When the twins turned ten, the family came back to the UK and enrolled them in Watford Grammar School for Girls in Hertfordshire after they successfully passed the 11-plus examination.

Sav faced an immediate issue with the uniform. He remembers, “Our father really insisted on us appearing the part.” He wore a skirt for a fortnight, but eventually reached his limit and switched to trousers.

He became aware of his own feelings when he encountered the term ‘lesbian’ for the first time during his time at school.

He only received limited sex education in the classroom. Therefore, he sought comfort on social media platforms, specifically LGBTQ+ forums and Instagram posts that deeply connected with his feelings.

During a school trip in 2016, at the age of 13, he revealed his sexual orientation as gay to his sister.

Suchita confesses that she shed tears upon learning from Savita about his homosexuality.

I wasn’t feeling unhappy – it was clear to me – but I was afraid due to our young age and uncertainty about how our parents or community would react.

Sav embraces his sister, who is on the verge of tears as she recalls the past. ‘She is concerned about me. However, I am capable of taking care of myself.’ His classmates were aware of his sexuality, but his parents remained oblivious.

From the outside, the twins were happy, intelligent teenagers, well-liked by their teachers, charity volunteers in their community and members of the Army Cadets.

As time passed, Sav started to acknowledge that he was not content with his physical appearance. In 2017, he confided in a trusted friend about his feelings. “I expressed that I didn’t identify as a girl,” he recalls. “Her response was supportive, saying, ‘That’s alright. Would you like to choose a different name?’ Although I didn’t want to change my name since I liked it, the fact that her initial reaction was so positive gave me hope for the future. I knew things would be alright.”

He waited for an additional two years before sharing the news with a particular set of friends. Later on, he informed more people, including Suchita, who casually responded with “That’s great, so you’ve transitioned.” However, it wasn’t until the summer of 2020 that he made the decision to trim his lengthy hair.

For almost 18 years, the twins’ glossy, dark locks had been their trademark, and Sav says losing it felt like a major leap towards becoming trans.

He explains that transgender men have a strong emotional connection to their hair, as it represents their remaining sense of femininity.

I used to have hair that reached my waist, and I was quite concerned about my appearance if I were to cut it.

Cutting my hair would reveal the true image I was attempting to convey, as it served as a disguise.

He visited a nearby hair salon, presented a picture of a man with curly, short hair – and made the decision to go for it. ‘It was a freeing experience,’ he expresses. ‘It felt incredibly satisfying.’

Another significant milestone followed the haircut: informing his parents.

Initially, Sav made the decision to inform his parents about his sexual orientation. Although he had been open about being gay for five years and had been in relationships with girlfriends, he had never discussed it with his mum and dad before.

“My father has experienced different cultures and education systems outside of Malaysia, as he pursued studies in London, Oxford, and Paris. However, my mother had a more limited exposure to the world.” He clarifies, “I understood that I needed to gradually introduce the concept of my transgender identity to her.”

In December 2020, he brought the entire family together in the living room. “I recall my boyfriend being sent upstairs,” Suchita chuckles.

Even though Sav had never explicitly informed our parents, they had a sense of what was going on. Whenever they inquired about his romantic relationships, he would reassure them not to be concerned. Therefore, this situation served as further validation.

Sav announced the news while sitting in front of his parents and three sisters.

“He remembers his father embracing him and saying, ‘We will love you unconditionally.’ His mother, on the other hand, seemed more resigned. It wasn’t in a negative sense – she was quite accepting – but there was a hint of concern in the atmosphere.”

Suchita explains: ‘I guess grief is the best way to describe it. She was grieving the life she thought you would have, and the pain that you were going through, or had been through.

She was aware that she had a large, deeply conservative family whom she needed to inform, and she was concerned about the best approach to take while advocating for her child.

Over the course of time, we had discussions, addressed inquiries, and formed connections. Suchita expresses her mother’s immense pride in Sav. She no longer feels any shame in openly sharing this with others. Those who choose to pass judgment on our family clearly lack an understanding of genuine love.

Earlier this year, Sav disclosed to his family what they had long suspected: his desire to undergo a gender transition and become a man.

“It was surprisingly not as shocking,” he remarks. “I informed them through a text message. Instantly, they were curious about every detail: would I be undergoing hormone therapy, altering my physical appearance, or having surgery? I had to ensure that I had a clear plan in mind before responding to their inquiries.”

Up until now, Sav has not pursued any physical or medical actions in order to transition into a man. His journey as a transgender individual has primarily focused on social and emotional aspects.

Last August, he informed his general practitioner and is currently waiting to be admitted to a gender identity clinic. This waiting period can potentially last for three years. He is fully aware of the debates surrounding certain clinics, especially regarding the promotion of hormone-blockers. These blockers pause puberty, but their potential side effects and long-term consequences for individuals under 18 years old are still not completely known.

The Tavistock, also known as the Gender Identity Development Service, will be shutting down in March due to a review that deemed its care for young individuals as insufficient.

Sav explains that they are aware of the significant challenges associated with transitioning before the age of 18, and therefore, they deliberately chose not to pursue it.

I do not oppose the use of hormone blockers: I understand that there are young individuals who face greater challenges than I do when dealing with body dysmorphia, which can result in depression and self-inflicted harm.

I was fortunate during my puberty phase as I had concerns about developing breasts at the age of 12 or 13. However, due to genetics, that was never an issue for me.

In order to gain a genuine comprehension of his emotions and explore the various possibilities, Sav embarked on a thorough investigation and engaged in conversations with individuals belonging to the LGBTQ+ community.

He clarifies that he desired to examine his gender without any preconceived notions or presumptions.

Making the decision to transition is a significant choice. I preferred not to finalize anything until I was completely certain.

He finds great comfort in being able to have complete honesty with Suchita, his closest companion and unwavering advocate, with whom he can now openly talk about anything.

Today, the pair might look like opposites – he in a black hoodie and baggy trousers; she in a short velvet dress and platform heels – but the similarities are striking.

They have a tendency to laugh easily and often complete each other’s sentences. Both of them wear identical gold chains that display a religious symbol, which they describe as “a family tradition.”

They have returned to sharing a bedroom in their parents’ house in Watford. Sav, a third-year student studying Philosophy, Politics, and Economics at University College London, believes it is a financially wise decision. However, she finds it bothersome as she has to make her sister’s bed every morning.

After graduating, he has secured an internship at a media company, where he aspires to work in television and create documentaries focusing on race and the LGBTQ+ community.

Meanwhile, Suchita serves as a communications and engagement officer for the local council. She believes that this role allows her to contribute to the community while also pursuing her aspirations of becoming Miss England.

They have faced challenges in sharing their story with the world, but they aspire to provide support to other young individuals who are facing difficulties related to gender, sexuality, or identity.

“I cannot reword”

“She adds that we have experienced a lot together and despite that, we remain genetically identical. I also experience everything that Savita feels.”

Sav refers to his sister as his “ultimate wingman,” always there for him during his most challenging and chaotic times.

“I am aware that she will always support me, no matter what lies ahead in this journey,” he affirms.