Daily Star’s information to how f**ked Christmas will likely be – from viruses to world conflict

On Dec 16, 2023

The world is nicely and actually on the sting of a number of completely chaotic and horrifying disaster factors – from conflict to doubtlessly extra pandemics . . . or 5.

And as we strategy Christmas Day, the Daily Star has put collectively a not so festive information on simply how f***ed the Santa-loving season might be for the United Kingdom. To make life simpler for everybody, which is a uncommon events as of late, we’re rating every disaster with Christmas Puddings.

So, the more serious the disaster and impression on the inhabitants, the extra Christmas Puddings it’s going to get – completely scientific, unarguable and factual, clearly.

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Christmas . . . it's f***ed (stock) — Christmas . . . it is f***ed (inventory)
(Image: Getty Images)

If you are on the lookout for completely satisfied information, look away now, as a result of it appears as if it doesn’t matter what we do, Christmas is is wanting bleak for a lot of causes.

Viruses, viruses in all places – Four Christmas Puddings out of 5

There are actually 5 horrifying viruses floating around the globe, three of that are already within the UK.

Whooping Cough is at report ranges, Coronavirus remains to be round and operating riot, and seasonal flu is threatening to overwhelm the NHS – which does not seem to take a lot effort as of late. Not within the UK are the thriller Chinese pneumonia and Anthrax. Despite not being within the UK, they’re each already in Europe, with the Chinese pneumonia circumstances in Denmark, France and the Netherlands.

So many viruses, so little time (file)
(Image: YONHAP/AFP by way of Getty Images)

All of those mixed, might see swathes of Brits flocking to hospitals, staying in mattress or avoiding others simply to get by means of Christmas. Sounds acquainted . . .

For that cause, we’re giving the potential of viruses f***ing up Christmas a 4 Christmas Puddings out of 5 ranking.

War, what’s it good for? – Three Christmas Puddings out of 5

There are two main wars occurring proper now – Israel and its conflict on Hamas terrorists in Gaza, and Ukraine’s makes an attempt to fend of Russian President Vladimir Putin’s invading military. And whereas the latter is nearer to residence for these of us residing in Europe, the conflict within the Middle East does even have a huge effect on the UK and its minority communities.

From a Middle East war . . . — From a Middle East conflict . . .
(Image: AFP by way of Getty Images)

Putin’s conflict is ready to achieve a horrifying peak round Christmas, as Ukraine is alleged to be operating out of cash and ammunitions. It has been stated that ought to Putin reap the benefits of this, and launch an war-ending all-out assault on Ukraine, but it surely won’t cease there. Neighbouring nations, comparable to Moldova, Romania, Hungary and Slovakia are reportedly on the conflict mad despot’s radar.

It would carry conflict nearer to the UK than it has been for the reason that ending of World War Two. In the UK, the Israel/Hamas conflict has seen stress between minority communities enhance, with weekly marches calling for a ceasefire – however affected by evidential antisemitism – going down. While London has now turn into a no-go zone for British Jews throughout these weekend.

. . . to war in Ukraine, it could impact us in a horrifying way — . . . to conflict in Ukraine, it might impression us in a horrifying manner
(Image: AFP by way of Getty Images)

And with no indicators of a ceasefire coming anytime quickly, that stress will solely enhance. The potential for these two wars to finish up as a full on World War by the top of this 12 months might be fairly slim, besides, the impression is being felt right here, so we have given this a 3 Christmas Puddings out of 5.

Money, cash cash…we have got none – Five Christmas Puddings out of 5

Let’s be sincere – we’re all skint.

Christmas this 12 months goes to be extra about spending time with household than forking out on lavish meals. Wars, viruses, dodgy Prime Ministers giving us all the very best tax charges for many years and extra have seen Christmas nicely and actually f***ed for all of us.

Cash? Nobody has that, either in person or digitally (stock) — Cash? Nobody has that, both in particular person or digitally (inventory)
(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Giant roast Turkey? Nah, extra like Turkey Twizzlers this 12 months. If our Christmas Pudding scores have been actual, we might most likely nearly afford the raisins inside one of many, by no means thoughts the flaming booze poured excessive.

This was at all times going to get the worst ranking doable, and on a really severe be aware, the shortage of money will enhance the strain on households, be it for meals prices or attempting to purchase the perfect presents out there. Cheers *clinks glass of water . . . from a puddle exterior*

Is it a fowl? Is it a aircraft? No, it is both aliens, bigfoot, black cats or Godzilla – Two Christmas Puddings out of 5

From mysterious Mexican aliens with 30% unknown DNA, to a number of bizarre creatures washing up on seashores worldwide, 2023 has been essentially the most horrifying 12 months the Daily Star has ever seen in the case of mad beasts.

So we’re not ruling out the truth that an enormous Godzilla assault might happen on Christmas Day, or that aliens might come down and probe us all. If not aliens, there’s at all times the prospect that bigfoot might get one other sighting, OR huge black cats might maul us all to demise. Here, have two Christmas Puddings in your bother, as a result of aliens f***ing up Christmas looks as if essentially the most rational factor to occur as of late.

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