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Can you match the movie star to their withering faculty report?

He was the primary actor to direct himself in an Oscar-winning efficiency and the primary to be despatched to the House of Lords.

But Laurence Olivier’s theatre debut aged 16, as Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, didn’t appeal to a rave evaluate. The budding thespian was a ‘little too robust and jovial’, in response to Robert Mortimer, his trainer at St Edward’s School in Oxford.

Mortimer’s evaluate, which not too long ago emerged from the varsity’s archive after 100 years, was only one instance of a trainer failing to identify a future nice’s budding expertise. Take Etan Smallman’s quiz and match the next withering verdicts to the proper movie star…

Jilly Cooper on the Russell Harty Plus Show in 1973

Jilly Cooper on the Russell Harty Plus Show in 1973

English singer Cilla Black in a London dressing room in circa 1966

English singer Cilla Black in a London dressing room in circa 1966

JK Rowling at the Broadway opening night of Harry Potter and The Cursed Child in April 2022

JK Rowling on the Broadway opening night time of Harry Potter and The Cursed Child in April 2022

1. ‘I have never met anybody who so persistently writes words meaning the exact opposite of what is intended.’

A. Roald Dahl

B. Spike Milligan

C. Donald Trump

D. Lord Lucan

2. ‘He must devote less of his time to sport if he wants to be a success.’

A. Andy Murray

B. David Beckham

C. Gary Lineker

D. Anthony Joshua

3. ‘Reads tolerably — writes indifferently. Knows nothing of grammar, geography, history or accomplishments.’

A. William Shakespeare

B. JK Rowling

C. Charles Dickens

D. Charlotte Bronte (under)

4. ‘He is certainly on the road to failure if this goes on.’

A. Simon Cowell

B. John Lennon

C. Alan Sugar

D. Tony Blair

5. ‘Not university material.’

A. Lord (David) Blunkett

B. Lord (David) Puttnam

C. Lord (Kenneth) Baker

D. Lord (Ian) Botham

6. ‘Some good work, but generally sets it down badly. He must remember that Cambridge will want sound knowledge rather than vague ideas.’

A. Isambard Kingdom Brunel

B. Stephen Hawking

C. Alan Turing

D. Brian Cox

7. ‘Rebellious, objectionable, idle, imbecilic, inefficient, antagonising, untidy, lunatic, albino, conceited, inflated, impertinent, underhand, lazy and smug.’

A. Sacha Baron Cohen

B. Michael Heseltine

C. Michael McIntyre

D. Nigel Farage

Michael Heseltine addressing a Conservative Party conference in Blackpool

Michael Heseltine addressing a Conservative Party convention in Blackpool

British engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel in 1857

British engineer Isambard Kingdom Brunel in 1857

A portrait of Beatles member John Lennon in 1966

A portrait of Beatles member John Lennon in 1966

8. ‘Possesses a bubbly disposition which is most disconcerting. She spends far too much time in corners, giggling over silly love letters with the other girls.’

A. Jilly Cooper

B. Stacey Solomon

C. Adele

D. Phoebe Waller-Bridge

9. ‘With so much in her favour, this student is hampered by the weakness of her voice. She seems to lack the confidence to project and make use of the amount of voice she does possess. If she will make up her mind to cast away all fear and self-consciousness and speak out she will find her confidence increasing, and the unsure element in her acting will disappear. Otherwise it is “the Films” for her and that would be such a pity.’

A. Dame Judi Dench

B. Dame Maggie Smith

C. Dame Helen Mirren

D. Dame Joan Collins

10. ‘He is a constant trouble to everybody and is always in some scrape or other. He cannot be trusted to behave himself anywhere.’

A. Ronnie Biggs

B. Ronnie Wood

C. Winston Churchill

D. Jonathan Ross

11. ‘She must try to be less emotional in her dealings with others.’

A. Maria Callas

B. Meghan Markle

C. Princess Diana

D. Celine Dion

Diana Spencer leaving for Riddlesworth Hall, Norfolk after the holidays

Diana Spencer leaving for Riddlesworth Hall, Norfolk after the vacations

Laurence Olivier's debut as Puck in A Midsummer Night's Dream didn't attract rave reviews (pictured here in Shakespeare's Henry V)

Laurence Olivier’s debut as Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream did not appeal to rave evaluations (pictured right here in Shakespeare’s Henry V)

12. ‘Determined but slow, with above-average intelligence.’

A. Harry Styles

B. Eric Morecambe

C. Ed Sheeran

D. The King

13. ‘Suitable for office work.’

A. Ricky Gervais

B. Margaret Thatcher

C. Cilla Black

D. Tracey Emin

14. ‘Must learn to speak politely when her requests are refused.’

A. Amy Winehouse

B. Sharon Osbourne

C. Olivia Colman

D. Joanna Lumley

15. ‘Sorely lacks the intellectual equipment to translate [his] feelings into sound buildings.’

A. Richard Rogers

B. Norman Foster

C. Charles Rennie Mackintosh

D. Christopher Wren

16. ‘He has the most distorted ideas about wit and humour.’

A. Sir Lenny Henry

B. Sir PG Wodehouse

C. Peter Kay

D. Ronnie Barker

17. ‘Bottom in Latin and maths, second bottom in geography and French, languished 13th out of his class of 13.’

A. Rishi Sunak

B. David Cameron

C. James Cleverly

D. Jeremy Hunt

A portrait of novelist Charlotte Bronte, best known for Jane Eyre

A portrait of novelist Charlotte Bronte, greatest identified for Jane Eyre

18. ‘Lazy, but improves with the weather.’

A. Sir Keir Starmer

B. Rachel Reeves

C. Peter Mandelson

D. Ed Miliband

So, are YOU prime of the category?

1. Roald Dahl: The view of one of many creator’s English academics at Repton School in Derbyshire was maybe prophetic. For his e book The BFG, Dahl went on to create 238 new nonsensical phrases (together with crumpscoddle, swallomp and snozzcumber), forming his personal language, which he known as Gobblefunk.

2. Gary Lineker: An earlier evaluate had famous that his tutorial work was ‘handicapped by excessive juvenility’. He is now the BBC’s highest paid star (on as much as £1,354,999), having retired as England’s second-highest goalscorer.

3. Charlotte Bronte: This tepid evaluation of the Jane Eyre creator was recorded within the Register on the Clergy Daughters’ School in Cowan Bridge, Lancs, in 1824, and concluded: ‘Altogether clever for her age but knows nothing systematically.’

4. John Lennon: The Beatle was 15 and a pupil at Quarry Bank High in Liverpool when he acquired this criticism from his maths trainer, who added: ‘His term marks amounted to 17 per cent of the maximum and he missed the final exams.’ On non secular instruction: ‘Work fair — and his attitude in class most unsatisfactory.’

5. Lord (David) Puttnam: The producer behind Oscar-winning Chariots Of Fire mentioned: ‘At age 11, I was awarded a scholarship to my local grammar school. I turned up on my first day eager to impress. However, my teachers failed to respond to this enthusiasm and quickly dismissed my capabilities.’ He would turn out to be Chancellor of the Open University and obtain greater than 50 honorary levels.

6. Alan Turing: The World War II hero who helped crack the Nazis’ Enigma Code didn’t wow his physics trainer at Sherborne School in Dorset. However, aged 9 he had impressed his headmistress at St Michael’s Primary School in Hastings who wrote to his mother and father: ‘I have had clever boys and hard-working boys. But Alan is a genius.’

7. LORD (Michael) Heseltine: He would go on to be Margaret Thatcher’s deputy, however BLH Wilson at Shrewsbury School didn’t pull his punches (though he sugared the tablet by including: ‘But cheerful and probably rudimentarily good-natured’).

8. Jilly Cooper: In a report on the longer term ‘queen of the bonkbuster’ from Moorfields Primary School in Ilkley, Yorks, her trainer additionally wrote: ‘Jilly has set herself extremely low standards, which she has failed to maintain.’ And: ‘Please remind your daughter that boys can be very distracting for young ladies and romance is most certainly not a suitable subject for polite conversation in this school.’ Her curiosity in intercourse would assist her promote 11 million books within the UK.

9. Dame Joan Collins: ‘What irony!’ the actress wrote in her autobiography, of her report from Rada. She would go on to search out fame and fortune in ‘the films’ and on TV’s Dynasty. Of her alma mater’s angle in direction of films, she mentioned: ‘Frankly they disapproved. Art was only possible in the theatre.’

10. Winston Churchill: That was the report from his headmaster in 1884, when he was 9 and, in response to the International Churchill Society, ‘was showing improvement in his academic subjects but his conduct was deteriorating’. Another report on the person who galvanised the nation towards the Nazis bemoaned: ‘He has no ambition.’

11. Princess Diana: Her report got here from West Heath Girls’ School in Kent. Another learn: ‘Unfortunately, Diana has a defeatist attitude where her weaknesses are concerned, which must change if she is to achieve an overall improvement.’ She would later be immortalised because the ‘People’s Princess’ by PM Tony Blair.

12. The King: This early report was from Hill House prep in London. The headmaster additionally mentioned Charles was ‘full of go, full of physical courage — a damned good lad’. He was the primary British monarch to obtain a college diploma.

13. Cilla Black: The singer and TV star left faculty with this report in 1958, when she was nonetheless Priscilla White. She took her trainer’s recommendation, doing a secretarial and shorthand course at Anfield Commercial College. After being signed by Beatles’ supervisor Brian Epstein, she would turn out to be the top-selling British feminine singer of the Sixties.

14. Joanna Lumley: Her academics at St Mary’s Convent School close to Hastings weren’t satisfied Lumley was Absolutely Fabulous. They additionally wrote ‘her manner of speech needs care’, she was ‘still rather aggressive’, ‘still rather noisy’ and ‘she should try to be more unobtrusive’. What the nuns would have fabricated from her chain-smoking, alcoholic character Patsy Stone in sitcom AbFab is anybody’s guess.

15. Richard Rogers: His 1958 report from the Architectural Association School of Architecture mentioned he would by no means quantity to a lot ‘while his drawing is so bad, his method of works so chaotic and his critical judgment so inarticulate’. Lord Rogers answered his academics with the Millennium Dome, the Pompidou Centre and the Lloyd’s of London constructing.

16. Sir PG Wodehouse: In 1899, AH Gilkes, head at Dulwich College, wrote that Pelham Grenville Wodehouse — who discovered fame along with his Jeeves tales — ‘draws over his books in a most distressing way and writes foolish rhymes in other people’s books. One is obliged to love him despite his vagaries’.

17. Lord (david) Cameron: His grades at Heatherdown School in Berkshire in 1978, printed in 2010, revealed Cameron to be backside of the category. None of this is able to cease the present Foreign Secretary happening to realize a firstclass diploma… and turn out to be PM.

18. Peter Mandelson: This was from the Labour spin physician’s fourth-form report at Hendon County grammar faculty, North London. Headmaster Maynard Potts later mentioned: ‘Eventually he will wish to undertake some great task on behalf of humanity.’ Weeks later, Mandelson joined the Young Communist League.