‘Swinging saved our relationship – we think everyone should give it a go’
A British couple said swinging is different to what people think – and say everyone should give it a go.
Jemma, 43, and Daz, 40, have a thriving decade-long relationship. But five years in, after doing just about “every sexually adventurous thing you can do as a couple”, their eyes were “drawn elsewhere”.
The content creators, who are from and live in Bournemouth, realised they needed something to change for their relationship to go the distance. To mix things up, they set up a profile on a swinging website and were soon invited to a private party at a mansion.
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They claim that while swinging is not everyone, it’s been a method for them to fulfil their sexual needs and make new associates in “high-class establishments” which are a world away from the “seedy bars and clubs” some affiliate with the life-style. And now, they assume everybody ought to take into account making an attempt issues their method.
“The more people we can get into the lifestyle, the more fun we can have,” Jem, who met Daz on Tinder, informed WhatsTheJam. “This lifestyle is not for everyone, [but] it is probably something everyone should consider.”
Jem continued: “[It’s a way to] enhance your relationship and grow closer through mutual shared experiences. You can also build more trust with your partner and overcome underlying jealousy, attachment and ego issues.
“Then there’s physique confidence. [Swinging can help you] be ok with your distinctive self whereas studying to understand the distinctiveness in others – in addition to embracing intercourse positivity and being comfy speaking your sexual needs and wishes.
“[You can meet] a social group of like-minded people and have a whole lot of fun because that’s what life is all about. The majority of people in this lifestyle like to stay anonymous for obvious reasons, but we decided we were happy to talk openly about what we do to break some of the stigmas around it.”
For the couple, after their first foray into the world of swinging, they haven’t appeared again since. They stated it was a “real eye-opener” and afterwards they determined the life-style was for them.
At first, the most important problem was jealousy, or the danger of it, because the considered sharing one another was scary. They took issues slowly, and waited round a yr earlier than that they had their first “couple swap” expertise. For these unfamiliar with the time period, a “full swap” signifies that two {couples} swap their respective companions for intercourse.
Jem stated: “We allowed ourselves to become mentally accustomed to the act before partaking in it. You can’t take something back once it’s done. We advise anyone considering it to discuss your feelings regarding any play after it’s happened to make sure you are both still fully invested and enjoying the journey.”
The couple then revealed the surprising upsides to becoming a member of a life-style that’s usually considered “anonymous” in addition to seedy.
Jem added: “People think this kind of lifestyle is an anonymous, one-and-done kind of arrangement, and I guess for some people it might be, but we really want to connect with couples first. [We] spend some time getting to know them [and] basically date them before anything sexual happens.
“The build-up is as a lot enjoyable because the act for us. Whilst [swinging] is a rising neighborhood, it’s nonetheless a comparatively small one so that you fairly rapidly discover whenever you’re going to golf equipment and occasions, it’s like catching up with a gaggle of associates.
“It’s a social thing as much as it is about having new sexual experiences. People wrongly think that it’s something seedy – that events are held in run-down pubs and clubs and they’re full of single men trying to get their rocks off.
“Events – no less than those we go to – are held in high-class institutions, usually devoted fashionable golf equipment or luxurious residences. Guest lists are tightly managed, so whereas some singles are allowed, it’s often a restricted quantity and everyone seems to be extraordinarily respectful. If you play up then you definitely’ll rapidly be blacklisted from any future occasions.”
Jem and Daz advise anyone looking to get into the lifestyle to start out by downloading the SwingHub app, which can connect you with swingers in your local area. They said everyone is “terrified” of their first event, but once you go and see it’s just like any other night out – just with a few more people in underwear.
They said it’s important to be clear exactly what you and your partner want to get out of it, as you’re in it together. While the pair have been supported in their lifestyle by their friends, they’ve admitted that it does occasionally raise eyebrows – especially as neither had previously been non-monogamous.
Jem said: “Our associates have all been fairly supportive. Some ask questions and assume it’s actually thrilling. We don’t wish to be ‘that’ couple at a vanilla occasion the place everybody’s whispering ‘they’re swingers!’, however it does occur.
“It sometimes bothers me, but Daz finds it hilarious. Neither of us have been non-monogamous previously.
“I used to be married for round 9 years and previous to that was in a few long-term relationships, which had been at all times trustworthy, however nearly at all times ended resulting from lack of curiosity within the bed room division.
“Daz on the other hand mostly had short-term ‘flings’ as he might call them – getting bored quickly and moving on to the next. Looking back, it’s clear to see neither of us really suited a monogamous relationship.”
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