My husband and I are bankrupt – I will not settle for assist from his household

Dear Jane,

It’s been a really troublesome few years for me and my husband – we each misplaced our jobs, with little financial savings to fall again on, and we have been actually struggling to make ends meet. 

We have been compelled to take out a second mortgage on our house and are actually woefully behind on the month-to-month funds.

My husband comes from a really rich household, who made no secret of their dislike of me from the beginning of our relationship. So a lot in order that my husband just about minimize them out of his life due to their cruelty in the direction of me. 

I do not come from wealth or privilege, and I believe they all the time felt that I used to be beneath them.

Dear Jane, my husband and I are struggling for cash – however I refuse to simply accept assist from his rich household. He says I’m being cussed however I do not need to go to them for a handout

But now that we’re in such a dire scenario, my husband has advised a number of instances that he go to his dad and mom for assist – and I hate the concept. It feels as if going to them for a handout would simply cement the entire horrible assumptions they’ve made about me, and make them really feel as if I’m bringing my husband down.

I do know it appears stubborn-minded, however I’m actually agency in my choice right here, and it is inflicting severe points between myself and my husband, who thinks that I’m ‘letting my ego get in the way in which of our monetary survival’.

I’ve all the time been raised to care for myself and to work by my very own issues, however I do not need that mentality to destroy my marriage when, fairly frankly, it is the one factor I really feel like I’ve left in my life.

International best-selling writer Jane Green affords sage recommendation on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning points in her Dear Jane agony aunt column

Is there a manner I can claw myself out of this mess with out begging for money from his uptight household?

From,

Down and Out

Dear Down and Out,

Financial insecurity is a brutal cross to bear. It’s horrifying, and destabilizing, and I can solely think about your worry concerning the future.

I’m additionally reminded of the previous parable concerning the man who climbed onto the roof throughout a flood, and prayed to God to save lots of him. A rowboat got here and a person mentioned, ‘Jump in! I can prevent!’

‘No thanks,’ mentioned the person. ‘I’m praying to God and he’ll save me.’

Next, a motorboat got here and the identical factor occurred, and eventually, a helicopter arrived and threw down a ladder, however the man mentioned no, for he was ready for God to save lots of him.

He drowns, and as soon as he will get to heaven he furiously says to God, ‘What occurred? I prayed to you and also you did not save me?’ 

God says, ‘What do you imply? I despatched you a rowboat, a motorboat, and a helicopter…’

There are many advantages of being raised to be self-reliant, however there are pitfalls as effectively. 

Asking for assist when you find yourself in bother, and equally, being open to receiving assist, may be enormously troublesome for ladies who’re used to doing all the things themselves. 

Opening your self as much as that risk may very well be life-changing for you. It would not need to be a hand-out, and actually, I counsel that if his dad and mom are keen and in a position that will help you out, you’re employed out a plan to pay them again. 

This could assist assuage a few of your discomfort about going to them, or certainly anybody else, for assist.

Don’t minimize off your nostril to spite your face when you find yourself fortunate sufficient to have folks within the household who may be capable of ease your discomfort proper now. 

I want you a lot luck.