My Tory minister husband raped me – and screamed abuse at our new child

Conservative MP Kate Kniveton has barely slept previously 5 years for worrying about the way to maintain her solely youngster secure.

So a lot so she spent ‘every single penny’ she has combating to guard this ‘happy little soul’ from her shockingly abusive ex-husband, former Tory minister Andrew Griffiths.

When her cash ran out, household and pals stepped in to assist. Kate’s authorized invoice now stands at £120,000, however lastly, she says, she has ‘some peace’ after the High Court dominated that Griffiths needs to be blocked from seeing their youngster.

Until final month’s ruling, Kate carried the fixed concern ‘in the pit of my stomach’ that she wouldn’t be capable of defend her youngster from this one-time blue-eyed boy of the Tory Party who raped her throughout their marriage, attacked different members of the family and even misplaced his mood with their three-week-old youngster, shouting on the crying child to, ‘shut the f*** up’.

Common sense tells you a susceptible teen might be in danger in his care, however Kate was combating in a system that usually believes it’s in a toddler’s greatest pursuits to have a relationship with each mother and father, regardless of the sins of the daddy or mom.

She hopes the case will set a precedent for others escaping abusive relationships who’re combating to restrict entry to their youngsters.

Understandably, Kate, 53, is ‘overwhelmingly relieved’ by the ruling. You can see it in her face now.

‘There were occasions he attacked me when I’d say: “That’s it. I’m going to go to the police.” He’d say: “They’re not going to believe you, Kate. I’m an MP.”

‘He had regular meetings with the police,’ she says. ‘I keep in mind considering: “No, they won’t believe me because all they see is this great guy.”’

It was, in reality, all anybody noticed.

Andrew Griffiths, now 53, was the charismatic, common MP for Burton in Staffordshire and Kate the right constituency spouse.

They had met on the native Conservative Association the place Griffiths was chosen as a parliamentary candidate in 2006 after working as former Prime Minister Theresa May’s chief of workers.

‘He was very charismatic, very charming, incredibly flattering,’ remembers Kate. He obtained me concerned together with his marketing campaign group and over time the textual content messages modified from campaigning messages to: “Do you fancy coming out for a drink?” I keep in mind him saying: “You’re going to be Mrs Griffiths”.’

Griffiths gained the seat from Labour within the 2010 election and, after transferring into a pleasant barn conversion, they married on the Chapel of St Mary Undercroft within the Palace of Westminster in 2013.

It was, says Kate, a ‘fantastic, really magical day’. When she lastly grew to become pregnant with their much-wanted youngster after quite a few rounds of IVF, their apparently excellent life collectively appeared full. More so, when Griffiths was made minister for small enterprise in Theresa May’s authorities in January 2018, simply three months earlier than the child was born.

Indeed, pictures taken for the native newspaper inside days of the start present a wondrously proud Griffiths standing there beside his spouse with their new-born child in her arms, the very image of blissful domesticity.

But, behind closed doorways, he was not solely violently abusing his spouse, however raping her, too — allegations he denied however which have been discovered confirmed in a Family Court in 2020.

‘Why didn’t you allow? That’s the query, isn’t it?’ says Kate. ‘When he first flew at me, I was absolutely stunned. But, ultimately, I was in love with him — madly in love.

‘You tell yourself: “This is not my life. This isn’t taking place to me. He’s had rather a lot to drink. He gained’t do it once more.” Then he did. You proceed making excuses — “He’s working really hard”, “He’s stressed” — and there was all the time that hope he’d change. Gosh, I sound like such a cliche, don’t I; a kind of foolish girls.’

She attracts citation marks along with her fingers within the air across the phrase ‘silly’. Kate is much from ‘silly’ however is a vivid, articulate girl.

She was, she says, ‘a mute shell of myself’ throughout her marriage however has ‘the old me back’ and is now an inspirational position mannequin for different survivors of home abuse after successful a range battle to take over her former husband’s Parliamentary seat.

‘Looking back now, I can see there’s a form of disgrace a sufferer of home abuse feels — a way of guilt. It’s unsuitable, however you possibly can’t assist it. You assume, significantly with social media, all people else has an amazing life. You need them to assume your life is gorgeous, too. You don’t need them to know the reality, and also you assume you possibly can handle it.

‘Then you find yourself in a situation which you can’t get out of. After years of manipulation and denigration, you lose your self-worth and don’t assume anybody will ever imagine you.’

That modified when Griffiths was uncovered by a newspaper in July 2018 for sending 2,000 sordid texts to 2 barmaids in his constituency. In a few of them, he known as himself ‘daddy’, demanding violent and degrading intercourse acts.

‘I used to be giving our three-month-old child a bottle when he walked in and stated: “I’ve got some really bad news. I have been sending some sordid texts to two women in the constituency and a newspaper has just called me. It’s going to hit the news. It’s sordid stuff, Kate, really sordid”.

‘I was sitting there and he said: “Are you going to say anything?” This probably sounds like a very strange reaction, but I said: “I’ve been ready for one thing like this to occur for years”.

‘My overwhelming feeling was relief. I knew that, with all those violent messages out there in the public domain, I would now be believed.’

Kate left with the child to stick with her mother and father. Griffiths, who had the celebration whip eliminated, checked himself right into a psychiatric hospital in London for a month, blaming a psychological breakdown.

‘He put huge pressure on me to come back, sending a ridiculous number of texts every day telling me if we didn’t have a united entrance he would lose his job and we’d lose all the pieces.

‘He even went so far as to say I would be homeless with our child if I didn’t stand by him. But I refused to. There was no method I used to be going again to that.’

She filed for divorce. Griffiths, who threatened Kate with chapter and suicide after she left, started authorized proceedings in June 2019 for weekly supervised contact within the hope of its resulting in unsupervised visits.

Kate was beside herself. At that stage, Griffiths was nonetheless serving because the native MP and he or she knew him to be a robust adversary. He then joined the Pentecostal Church.

‘When these legal proceedings began, he found God,’ she says. ‘He despatched me a message saying: “Kate, you know no judge is going to believe you now. I’ve just been baptised in front of 300 people.”

‘But I had to protect my child. He’s a Jekyll and Hyde with no fuse — not even a brief fuse. He simply flips.’

Kate has not seen Griffiths since a very disagreeable contact go to almost six years in the past, however stays afraid of his mercurial nature, significantly on the subject of their youngster, who’s, she says, ‘the most precious person in my life’.

‘I still have sleepless nights or, if I sleep, I have nightmares — the very worst nightmares about what he could do.

‘At the beginning [of their separation] he was threatening suicide. He told me he had thought how to do it. He was going to get in his car and drive it into a wall or jump under a train. It was horrifying those thoughts were in his head. What if there was an unsupervised visit with our child and something like that came into his mind?

‘You hear horror stories of parents who think: “If I can’t have the kid, you’re not having them both.” I might by no means stay with myself if one thing like that occurred. It used to terrify me. It nonetheless does.’

Today Kate is difficult the prevailing tradition within the household courts of, what she calls, ‘parental contact at all costs’.

‘The presumption of parental involvement, particularly in cases of domestic abuse and rape, is wrong,’ she says. ‘It puts the children and the survivors at huge risk. It cannot be the starting point. We have to protect them.’

It is why she has supported a Transparency Order issued by the courtroom to make her case public within the hope of affecting change.

She tells me she ‘burst into tears’ when her lawyer Melanie Bridgen first instructed her the media wished to report the case. ‘I believed: “Oh God, I don’t want the really humiliating detail of my private life out there in public,” ’ she says.

‘But because I stood on a platform of saying I’d be a voice for home abuse survivors, I believed if I don’t seize this and go together with it now, I’ll be failing all people.’

She is extremely courageous. The horrible catalogue of abuse detailed within the judgement from a fact-finding listening to in 2020 is, as she says, ‘scandalous’ and ‘humiliating.’

Following a four-day listening to on the household courts, Griffiths was discovered to have ‘pushed her into a wall’, ‘assaulted her on the sofa by putting his hands round her neck’ and ‘physically and verbally abused her parents’.

The decide dominated it was ‘proved’ that when Griffiths found he didn’t have sufficient sunscreen on vacation in Corsica, he ‘pushed her onto the bed, threw her passport at her with some euros and told her to “f*** off out of my sight and get the next plane home” ’.

It was alleged ‘he physically abused her following a night out by hitting her and causing damage to a picture’. ‘Proved,’ dominated the decide. ‘He went to hit her, then changed [his mind] and pushed her onto the bed whilst she was heavily pregnant.’ ‘Proved’.

He ‘shouted, “shut the f*** up” [at their new-born baby]’, ‘assaulted his sister by slapping her’, ‘assaulted [Kate] by throwing a tray of food at her’, ‘threw a box at her whilst they were trying for a baby and spat on her face’. All proved.

Most shockingly the judgement states that, ‘he raped her by inserting his penis into her whilst she was asleep’ and ‘used coercive and controlling behaviour to ensure she submitted to his sexual demands’.

Kate hadn’t wished to make public intimate particulars of their sexual relationship, by no means imagining her former husband would, she says, ‘stoop so low’ as to incorporate it within the proceedings. When she gave her proof she sat behind a display screen, however nonetheless discovered the listening to ‘traumatising’ and ‘humiliating’. ‘A victim should feel no shame,’ she says. ‘It’s unsuitable. The disgrace needs to be with the perpetrator.’

Kate was 40 and had been in a relationship with Griffiths for 3 years when he first ‘flew’ at her following a operate to rejoice St Patrick’s Day on the Grosvenor lodge in London in 2011.

‘I was sitting at the table while he was at the bar waiting to be served. There was a lady standing next to him who came over to me and said something like: “Gosh, why on earth are you with him?”

‘When he brought the drinks over I asked him what had been going on. He just said: “It’s nothing — nothing.”

‘I went up to the hotel room. Fifteen minutes later he came up and just flew at me. He pinned me against the wall by my throat saying something like: “Never question me. Never question me in public again.” It was terrifying.

‘I remember locking myself in the bathroom and crying because nothing like that had ever happened to me before. I was absolutely stunned. I remember waiting until I could hear him snoring, coming out and getting into bed next to him.’ She shakes her head. ‘You know, I stayed there all night and the next morning it wasn’t even talked about. I used to be considering: “This person I love wouldn’t do that to me.” I blamed it on the drink.

I suppose there was a tiny ingredient of, “Why did I say that at the table in the bar? If I hadn’t said it, he wouldn’t have done that. He won’t do it again.” But he did.

‘A couple of months later we were at home in Burton watching TV. I can’t even keep in mind what the dialog was however I used to be on the couch and I keep in mind him simply leaping up and kneeling over me together with his arms on my throat.

‘I did actually think he wasn’t going to cease. I believed: “This is it.” I keep in mind serious about my mum and pa and that I used to be by no means going to see them once more.

‘Somehow I managed to get away and just ran. He came at me, swinging for me, and caught my hoop earring, ripping my earlobe. I didn’t really feel a factor however I believe that’s what made him cease as a result of I keep in mind him taking a look at me and going: “Oh God.” It gave me a number of further seconds to get out of the home. 

When I obtained within the automotive and locked the door I seemed within the mirror. I might see one thing on my cheek popping out of my ear. I drove to a buddy’s home and after I obtained there I might see it was dried blood.’

Kate’s pals have been ‘horrified’, however nonetheless she returned to Griffiths the next day.

‘He was messaging: “I love you. Come back.” There was no apology. He never apologised for any of this stuff. I thought: “What choice do I have?” I didn’t have anyplace else to go. I didn’t wish to go to my mother and father’ home as a result of I believed if I did, they’d report it to the police. That would have been the top of his profession. I wished to guard him. It was loopy, I do know, however I liked him.

‘It’s nearly like he educated me,’ says Kate who had lived at dwelling along with her fortunately married mother and father till her late 30s.

Indeed, Griffiths was, the decide famous, a ‘persuasive advocate’, who undermined her confidence, describing her as a ‘prude’ or ‘frigid’ when she was unwilling to participate in varied sexual acts.

‘It was more him asking me to say stuff to him and he’d be telling me what to say. I hated it however he clearly obtained an actual kick out of it,’ she says.

Kate’s discomfort is tangible. I ask if she’s comfy speaking in regards to the rape. She nods. She doesn’t know what number of occasions it occurred or precisely when.

‘It’s not the kind of factor you retain a file of,’ she says. ‘I’d be asleep, get up and he’d be on high of me. He’d already began.’ She speaks in a flat, impassive voice.

‘I remember sometimes I’d simply assume: “Let it go on.” Other occasions I’d cry. Sometimes that might make him cease, however not all the time.

‘Then, of course, he’d be actually offended. Sometimes he would truly kick me away from bed — you already know, roll again on his facet and begin kicking me till I fell out or obtained out of the mattress. I’d go the visitor room.

‘I’d had a number of rounds of IVF as nicely,’ she says. ‘We’d been making an attempt for a child earlier than we have been married. I’d all the time wished to be a mum. You’re pumping your self filled with hormones the entire time. He had no endurance with it in any respect — no endurance with me. If I used to be upset, I used to be anticipated to tug myself collectively. Get a grip. There was no sympathy there in any respect.

‘I believe a part of me thought: “If we’re lucky enough to have a child he’ll probably realise what his behaviour is like.” ’ She pauses.

‘I found out afterwards those violent, sordid texts he was sending to his two constituents started on his very first Father’s Day. My mother and father have been with us. We have been having Sunday lunch. The child was in a little bit bouncy chair subsequent to the desk.

‘I remember him jumping up from lunch and going to the sofa with his phone. I thought: “It must be pretty important work for him to be doing it on such a special day. Later I found out what he was doing.

‘I screamed at him. I remember saying: “You bastard. Our child is never going to have one birthday or one Christmas as a family because of what you’ve executed.” ’

Kate’s eyes flash in fury.

‘I remember just before I had the baby we’d been out to a fundraiser and I used to be the scale of a home. He was speaking about how he wished me to maneuver to London as soon as I’d had the child. I didn’t wish to. I used to be a first-time mum and wished my family and friends close by.

‘He said he wanted to be able to have family time in London like David Cameron, but I wanted to stay here. He was brushing his teeth. He came out of the bathroom towards me and was right up against me. I actually thought he was going to hit me. I remember thinking: “If he hits me now, that’s it.”

‘I stated: “Go on. Hit me whilst I’m pregnant.” He didn’t. He stopped after which he pushed me — fairly a violent push — onto the mattress. That was only a week earlier than I gave start.’ She remains to be distraught on the reminiscence of it.

‘The baby was about three weeks old when he lost it. It was about 5am — feeding time — and he was up because he was catching an early train to London. The baby started crying.

‘I remember he was by the window putting on his cufflinks. He turned round and screamed at our child to ‘shut the f*** up’. I sat up in mattress considering: “All my fears have been realised. His violent temper even extends to our child.”

‘You can see why I have to protect my child, can’t you?’ I can.

Thankfully, the decide did, too. Griffiths is simply allowed ‘letterbox contact’ together with his youngster, which incorporates 4 letters a 12 months, in addition to one on the kid’s birthday and at Christmas.

The decide additionally made an order to forestall Griffiths from making use of to alter the childcare preparations with out the permission of the courtroom, except he might exhibit there was ‘a real change of circumstances’.

The decide dominated the order needs to be in place for 3 years to ‘give [Kate] a break from the litigation and the strain that places on her as [the child’s] main carer.’

‘It’s an unimaginable feeling to know my youngster is secure for now,’ says Kate. ‘I’m positive he might be again however I’ve obtained three years’ peace. I do fear about what’s going to occur afterwards.

‘We have to have change. My inbox is absolutely bulging with emails from other women — and men, but mostly women — in the same situation. They all say the same: we have to protect the children and survivors of domestic abuse.’

We definitely do.