Why EVERY couple needs to be compelled to signal a pre-nup

The countdown to the wedding was marked by a flurry of activity. Invitations to dispatch, menus to confirm, flowers to deliberate over and countless other arrangements to make.

Yet in the midst of it all we both believed it was vital, as a couple, to plan for what would happen should our marriage follow a certain path.

Sorry, did you think I meant signing a prenuptial agreement —known colloquially as a ‘prenup’? Actually no. 

This was 33 years ago (1991), a time when such contracts were regarded as little more than a gimmick and society remained broadly askance at the notion of a plan to divide the spoils of a broken marriage before vows had even been exchanged.

Instead, the subject of discussion was what would happen should we start a family.

After which we agreed to a ‘traditional arrangement’, whereby I would be the breadwinner and my soon-to-be wife would do the critical job of looking after the children.

After all, I was already a senior partner in a top firm of criminal defence lawyers, with a demanding career that often involved 70-hour weeks.

Our agreement meant I could provide (handsomely) for the family whilst both of us were reassured any children would enjoy the best care.

However, after 20 years (and two kids), the marriage had broken down. By which time my career had soared into the stratosphere.

I’d been named the UK’s highest profile lawyer and badged ‘Mr Loophole’ by the media thanks to a seemingly unstoppable streak of winning cases, not least on legal technicalities.

I represented celebrities, sports stars, politicians, captains of industry — and was even the subject of two television documentaries with Trevor McDonald.

With neither a prenup or the appetite for a drawn-out court battle, we divided the pot in a fair and mutually agreed way. In my mind, one thing was clear. I’d never marry again without a prenup. One costly break-up was one too many.

My view was underpinned by a landmark legal ruling which occurred around the same time in 2010. 

It involved German heiress Katrin Radmacher, who won a Court of Appeal case to enforce a prenup which blocked her ex-husband from accessing her multi million-pound fortune. 

The case demonstrated a fair prenup could be persuasive in influencing the division of assets.

However, I think the time has come to go one step further and make having a prenup a mandatory legal requirement for anyone wishing to get married. Not least since it was recently revealed that around 18 million married Brits in the UK still don’t have one.

It may sound draconian and romantics may well shrink in horror at such strong-armed tactics, doubtless dismissing me as a hard-nosed lawyer with an even harder heart.

How on earth can it be the place of the law to stop loved-up couples from tying the knot if they won’t agree to signing a legal document which makes clear who gets what — and when — should the marriage end in divorce?

Yet I’d argue that drawing up a prenuptial contract together is actually — and counterintuitively — a romantic gesture.

I would go so far as to describe it as a beautiful document because if the marriage works, there’s no need to mention it again and if it doesn’t, you’re both spared stress and financial uncertainty.

Drafting a document before a flake of confetti has been scattered is not only fair in terms of protecting the monies and assets you both bring into the union. It’s also a salutary reminder that divorce can be a lonely experience.

The very existence of such a document may even help disabuse the desire to break up.

Equally, having such a difficult conversation about finances before walking down the aisle would encourage couples to communicate openly about their expe- ctations. One survey found as many as one in seven British couples over 40 admit to never discussing their finances with each other!

And though not my area of law, it should also be noted that solicitors charge far less for prenups than they do in a divorce case where everyone tries to take a bite. Which happens a lot, given an estimated 42 per cent of marriages in the country end in divorce.

Above all, why should wealth earned through hard graft be handed over to someone who has played no part in securing one partner’s success? 

I’m fed up with the idea that a spouse should be entitled to a windfall because they were once a part of your life — like some warped subscription service.

What’s more, a prenup flushes out potentially predatory partners. Believe me, I’ve met my share of women who regarded my beautiful house in Cheshire and second home in France, acquired through grafting long hours, as an attractive proposition. 

A prenup would have confirmed whether such women were interested in me or my money.

I must emphasise this isn’t always about vast sums of cash. But the principle endures. 

A prenuptial agreement will ensure assets and money built up during the marriage will be protected, regardless of how much or little you bring to the table, whilst limiting the emotional strain (not least when children are involved). Without one divorce can be ugly.

These days I live with my partner, Melissa. We are deeply committed to each other and recently I adopted her — now our — amazing 13-year-old son, Pierce. Marriage is a topic of conversation and there is one thing we both agree on — a prenup is non-negotiable.

If only the law were in place to ensure couples planning to say ‘I do’ were compelled to say ‘I will’.

MELISSA: I agree with Nick that prenups are essential for anyone getting married. I know what it’s like to work hard to earn money and then give it away — which is what happened with my first childless marriage many years ago.

Both partners need to protect what they’ve earned or sacrificed to achieve that.

Nick and I had contracts drawn up when I moved into his home with Pierce and for when Nick adopted Pierce.

Although romance is a key part of a relationship, marriage is also a business agreement where money is concerned — there’s no need to confuse the two. Discussing a prenup before getting married might be a tough conversation but it’s a safe way to ensure everyone knows where they stand.

What could be fairer?