Boyfriend compelled to eat toothpaste by his girlfriend nonetheless ‘scarred’

A controlling girlfriend forced her boyfriend to wear a hat every time he went outside after ridiculing him over his ‘receding’ hairline – as her ex lover revealed he will always be ’emotionally scarred’ by the emotional abuse.  

Sarah Rigby, 41, made NHS project manager Gareth Jones eat salad, wear a hat and swallow toothpaste and mouthwash in the wrongful belief he was fat, bald and had halitosis.

Rigby subjected her partner to a regime of terror during which she bullied, belittled and humiliated him over his weight, hair, sex drive and even his breath. 

Mr Jones told Chester Crown Court he was so haunted by his experiences he kept minimal possessions and would have a ‘grab bag’ with him containing a tooth brush, washing products and a towel at all times. 

‘I think I will always be emotionally scarred by the effects the abuse that I’ve suffered,’ he said. 

Mr Jones told how he was driven to the brink of suicide by the abuse as Rigby admitted to coercive behaviour.

She was handed a 20 months jail sentence suspended for two years and banned from contacting him or his parents for five years under a restraining order. 

Mr Jones also accused Rigby of showing ‘contempt’ for him by turning up to court appearances flaunting a £400 Marc Jacobs shoulder bag he was ordered to buy her during a shopping trip to Harrods.

Mr Jones said: ‘After the abuse started, the effect of being constantly belittled and abused made me nervous, feel degraded and worthless. My image of myself became distorted and I had low self esteem – I still feel like this to a degree.

‘When she used to say things like I had halitosis and forced me to drink half a bottle of Listerine or eat toothpaste, I started to believe that I had things wrong with me.

‘I was forced to wear a hat every time we went out together because she didn’t want to be seen with someone who was receding and kept on that she wanted me to have a hair transplant.

‘l also felt degraded as Sarah used to try and intimidate me and ridicule my manhood regularly.

‘I had regular bruising on my body from when Sarah used to kick, bite, scratch or claw me.

‘I was nervous to consult my GP for fear she would find out and beat me further. As Sarah would not allow me to eat – l was called a ‘fat, smelly slob’ – l became paranoid about food.

‘If she kicked me out and I was able to stay with my parents, I would be afraid to eat with them in case she summonsed me back and would be able to smell food on my breath.

‘She regularly kicked me out, making sure I had no belongings with me and as a result I started hiding a toothbrush, shower gel and a small towel in my work briefcase.

‘Whilst I was with Sarah, my relationship with friends and family became strained. I was isolated from everyone.

‘I was extremely nervous about ringing my parents as my phone would constantly be checked so I would delete all evidence of this and had to create a code word with my mum, so that she knew Sarah was not around and could speak more freely.

‘I was constantly being watched and was not allowed to have any personal telephone conversation unless in Sarah’s presence.

‘My phone was also checked on a regular basis by Sarah and I had to provide my pass-code to her and passwords to email accounts so she could check anything at anytime.

‘If I had contacted any friends or family I was controlled in what I was and wasn’t allowed to say to them.

‘I felt trapped as she’d always said that if I attempted to leave her, she would trash my belongings and have me up for assault as she had done with previous partners.

‘When I eventually fled the property, I had no possessions with me. My finances had been abused, so I could not afford a place of my own and had to buy all clothes from scratch. This was very demoralising and left me also with a feeling of emptiness.’

He added: ‘After leaving, I became extremely stressed. I was petrified that she would take reprisals and arrange for someone to come to my parents’ house to damage property or even that she would arrange to have me beaten up or worse.

‘I no longer feel open to having a relationship as I’m still afraid that I’ll be abused again.

‘I do not feel l can trust another woman at present. When I am out in public and I see someone with the same hairstyle and colour of Sarah’s, I become scared.

‘I also feel nervous about telling people what has happened to me due to the stigma behind males not being seen as victims of domestic abuse.

‘I think I will always be emotionally scarred by the effects the abuse that I’ve suffered.’

Mr Jones would be ‘frisked’ by his partner before leaving the house and was condemned to pound the streets or do his job from their local library, pub or supermarket café until she came home.

On occasions he would have to work late into the night as he was made to do errands and jobs for Rigby during the day.

Under Rigby’s regime, he would also have to forfeit his £4,000 a month wage and allowed her to check his mobile phone on demand.

He even resorted to giving his own mother a ‘duress code’ to indicate when it was safe for them to speak without his lover listening in.

In one row Jones was hit in face by a glass candle holder leaving him with a scar across his nose.

In other instances, Mr Jones, who moved in with Rigby after meeting on Plenty of Fish, was thrown out of her house in Winsford, Cheshire whilst dressed only in his underwear.

During one tirade, Rigby told him: ‘I may not control social services, but I can control you and I am loving it.’ She also called him ‘fat’, ‘lazy’, ‘sweaty’, ‘a whale’, ‘dopey’, ‘thick’, ‘smelly’ and a ‘dog’ during other temper tantrums.

The court heard the couple met in summer 2021 through the dating website Plenty of Fish.

He subsequently gave up his flat in Crewe to move in with Rigby but prosecutor Frances Willmott said: ‘By the autumn she told Mr Jones he had to lose weight if he was to stay in a relationship with her.

‘She would restrict what Mr Jones ate when out and if he ate anything more substantial than a salad would be verbally abusive.

‘If Mr Jones ate while away from Ms Rigby she would refuse to come near him and say that he smelt of onion or garlic.

‘She would insist Mr Jones swallowed toothpaste and drank mouthwash. Even when Mr Jones lost a significant amount of weight Ms Rigby was still abusive about his appearance.

‘On New Year’s Eve 2021 during an argument Ms Rigby clawed at Mr Jones face and and he was made to sleep on the floor as ‘punishment’.

‘Some days later she accused Mr Jones of breaking her ribs but despite x-rays showing no breaks, she demanded compensation him and threatened to call the police if he did not pay her.

‘She wore Mr Jones down with repeated messages until he apologised – at which point she would threaten to use his message apologising to report him to the police.

‘She did not give him a key to her property and would not let him be in the house by himself. As a result, Mr Jones would have to leave the house and find public spaces in order to work, often at short notice, when she wanted to leave the house.

‘She would frisk Mr Jones as he left the house, to check what he was taking with him. She told Mr Jones he could not be trusted and therefore wanted access to both his phone and bank account.

‘She made it clear she was his financial priority and told him that he was legally obliged to pay for everything.

‘She accused him of being a nightmare to live with, said he had poor habits and did not let him use the toilet in the house; insisting he went to the toilet at the library or the pub.

‘She would only let Mr Jones shower every few days and not change his clothes yet would also tell Mr Jones that he smelt.’

Mr Jones contacted the police in early March 2022 when he went to work out of the house.

Police later urged Rigby to return the victim’s possessions including his work computer and sentimental items, but she repeatedly denied she had anything to return.

In interview she falsely claimed Jones had been violent, coercive, controlling and manipulative towards her.

In mitigation, defence counsel Jade Tufail said Rigby had been diagnosed with PTSD due to an undisclosed ‘trauma’ she suffered in her childhood.

But the judge Recorder Eric Lamb told Rigby: ‘Your conduct has led to a substantial detrimental effect upon Mr Jones, who even today when speaking of the impact of the relationship upon him was plainly close to tears and in great distress when speaking on where the relationship had left him.

‘There were multiple methods of controlling or coercive behaviour intended to humiliate and degrade him.’

Following last week’s sentencing, Cheshire Constabulary’s’ DC Sophie Ward said: ‘Firstly, I would like to praise the victim for having the courage to speak out, as well as the bravery that he has shown throughout the investigation. 

‘This is the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have ever seen. 

‘Rigby had a stranglehold on the victim. Through her coercive behaviour she was able to control everything he did, cutting him off from everyone he knew and leaving him trapped, feeling like he had nowhere to turn. 

 ‘Her actions left the victim both physically and emotionally scarred, and even now, two years after their relationship ended, he is still receiving psychological counselling to help him recover. 

‘Even after she was charged, Rigby continued to taunt her victim, refusing to return his belongings, and constantly delaying the trial by failing to notify the court of holidays and appointments. 

‘Although she eventually pleaded guilty to her offending, she has shown no remorse for her actions. 

‘While the victim will never be able to forget what happened to him, I hope that the conclusion of this case will help him to move forward and start to rebuild his life.’

DC Ward added: ‘Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behaviour, but as this case demonstrates, that is not always the case and there is help available. 

‘We treat all reports we receive seriously and will investigate thoroughly to ensure that those responsibility are brought to justice. 

‘If you, or someone you know, are a victim of this type of behaviour then please speak out.’

Senior Crown Prosecutor Nicky Inskip of CPS Mersey-Cheshire added: ‘Sarah Rigby subjected her former partner to months of cruel and dehumanising behaviour. She seemed intent on humiliating and degrading him in any way she could.

‘The abuse has had a substantial impact on this man who finally found the courage to break free from this toxic relationship and report Sarah Rigby’s behaviour to the police.

‘Her treatment of him did not represent the normal ups and downs of a relationship. It was coercive, controlling and criminal. She admitted her guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence and has now been sentenced. We hope this is of some comfort to the victim.’