‘I had 4 days off work after my son was born – I used to be robbed of valuable moments’

A first-time dad is calling for longer statutory paternity leave after ‘missing out’ on bonding time with his son.

Jake Holyoak, 30, wishes he could have afforded to take more time off work following the birth of his first child, Freddie, in March 2023. The freelance PR manager was working for a marketing company when his wife Natasha, 29, fell pregnant in 2022, and he was offered the nationwide standard paternity leave of two weeks’ pay.

His leave started on the day Natasha went into labour, and following birth complications – including a terrifying sepsis diagnosis – the NHS worker was forced to have an emergency cesarean. The couple spent six days in hospital before they made it home with Freddie, who weighed 9lbs 12oz, and Jake had just four days off left.

Speaking to the Mirror about the traumatic time, Jake said: “My wife really needed my help more than ever after sepsis and her C-section. But I was back at work and I felt really down about not being able to spend much time with Freddie. Fifteen months on and I’m still really angry and sad about it.”

The dad-of-one isn’t alone in his experience. According to new research, half of fathers take just two weeks off work to spend with their newborns and three-quarters of dads would like to take up to 12 weeks. The new data, from insurer Zurich UK, found that a third of dads choose to take annual leave to spend extra time bonding.

Of those that didn’t take any time at all, seven out of 10 couldn’t afford to. Financial worry was the main factor in Jake’s decision to return to work straight away. “I couldn’t afford to take unpaid leave and I don’t think you should have to sacrifice pay to spend time with your newborn,” Jake said. “I chose to take my annual leave a bit later when Freddie was six weeks old.”

It was a difficult decision choosing when to use up his holiday, but like 12 percent of dads in the 2023 study, Jake felt taking extended paternity leave could impact his career progression. “I think it’s sad that, as a dad, you’re only entitled to two weeks with your child and the expectation is that you return to work straight after,” he explained.

“The first week of having a baby is manic and all about sleep, then you start to bond and enjoy the little moments – but by then, I was back to work,” Jake said. “We both had well-paid jobs but I couldn’t justify a prolonged period of time off. You never know how expensive life is going to be as a first-time parent.”

Following Natasha’s C-section, Jake felt “lucky” that he could work from home to support her and help around the house. “If I had an office job, I don’t know how we would have coped,” he said. But despite being under the same roof, Jake was occupied and unable to be in the newborn bubble with his family.

Jake, who has chosen not to name his previous employer, explained that he does not blame the company, but society’s attitude towards paternity leave and the standard allowance. “I had just four days off. Natasha was given a year off,” he said. Statutory maternity leave for mums in the UK is 52 weeks with up to 39 weeks paid.

“I totally agree that women should have longer, but even a month of paternity leave would have been better,” Jake said. “In those first few weeks, you spot something new every day. I missed out because I wasn’t there. Natasha would come home from being at my mum’s or hers and tell me stories. I wasn’t there to experience it.”

Jake said he “just wanted more time” with Freddie and found it difficult to witness some of his friends, who worked in banking, have five months of paternity leave, while he had just two weeks. “I think it’s unfair that different companies and industries offer more. How did I have less than five days when my mates had five months?” he said.

If Jake and Natasha have more children together, he is adamant they will do things differently. “Having a baby makes you realise what you want from your job. It’s not free pizzas on a Friday, it’s flexible hours, paternity leave and private healthcare,” he said. “I would now take a pay cut to be in a company with better paternity policies.

“When we were planning to start a family, we didn’t think about our workplaces or leave – now it almost seems backwards to not consider your work’s policies first.” The father-of-one added: “I am calling for the statutory leave to be increased to four weeks and for companies to be more transparent about their policies.”

Did you miss out on your child’s first moments? Get in touch. Email [email protected].