Alternative election as we give titbits political varieties don’t desire you to know

On Jul 4, 2024

Britain is on the verge of history in this General Election – with Rishi Sunak looking set to be booted out the back door of Downing Street with Keir Starmer and his “super majority” walking in through the front.

If all the expert predictions are right, we could be set to see the Conservative Party almost disappear into oblivion for a generation at this General Election.

Sadly, it doesn’t look like Count Binface will be leading us into the future, but the bloke whose dad was apparently some kind of maker of tools is set to be our new leader.

Despite spending the last six weeks telling us everything to do with Labour was bad and the last 14 years had nowt to do with him “honest,” Sunak’s time in charge is over – at least it lasted longer than the lettuce did.

Nigel Farage tried to stir the pot, and did get a lot of people angry (not Putin, never Putin), and George Galloway did George Galloway things that nobody liked but it is Keir Starmer – who was once the director of public prosecutions, you know – who is expected to lead the country as the first Labour Prime Minister since Gordon Brown took over from Tony Blair for a bit.

Boris Johnson was even wheeled out last minute to try and stop the “SUPER MAJORITY – mwahahaha” but if polls are correct, it clearly didn’t work.

Ed Davey was also a thing, as was the SNP and Greens – and Plaid Cyrmu also exists.

Anyway, join the Daily Star for a bunch of chaos and an alternative look at what’s going on throughout the day and night as we battle our way through as the votes are cast and the swathe of results for the 2024 General Election come in.

What are the chances of us needing to find a new salad vegetable to compare him to soon….?