Harry’s simply made his most outrageous and sanctimonious declare so far!

How very convenient of Prince Harry to blame the rift with his family on his one-sided, obsessive, eternal battle with the ­tabloid and popular Press.

He made the claim on last night’s documentary Tabloids On Trial (ITV), telling sympathetic Health Correspondent Rebecca Barry it was his ‘mission’ against newspapers that destroyed the relationship with his family. Was it really?

‘Yeah, that’s certainly a central piece to it,’ he said, nodding from deep within the ruff of hair that now encircles his entire face, like a giant, ginger dandelion. ‘But, you know, that’s a hard question to answer because anything I say about my family results in a ­torrent of abuse from the Press.’

Torrent of abuse? Tsk. Clearly, three years in California have done little to halt the growth of Harry’s giant beanstalk of a martyr ­complex. He’s one of those ­pampered sensitivos whose elite status makes him believe that any mild disagreement with his views is a vicious personal attack.

So, listen Harry. I’m not an abuser, torrential or otherwise. I’m just a lowly Scottish serf ­offering a cheep of dissent, ­someone who is ­dumbfounded by your most ­sanctimonious claim to date. Which seems to be that you fell out with the ­Windsors because of your — checks notes — war on ­newspapers? Have I got that right?

‘It would be nice,’ he added, ‘if we could do it as a family.’

It would be nice! Do it as a ­family! Why am I shouting? Just at the utter audacity of it all. Prince Harry has bee­n so rude about his family for so long, painting them as ribbon-cutting dolts while he and only he, armed with his A-level in art and his grim wife, is guided by a higher moral purpose.

And this new pet theory of his neatly absolves the Prince of any responsibility for deserting not only his royal duty, but his duty as a brother and a son. It excuses him for the cruel things he wrote in his autobiography Spare about his family, including his stepmother (‘dangerous’), his sister-in-law (imperious demands, wife who ­fitted the royal mould, utter witch who made ­darling Megs cry) and damning ­passages depicting his father as a damaged, dithering adult who loves his teddy bear and fears emotional intimacy. It ignores the fact that it was Prince William whose Chief of Staff first went to the police with his suspicions of illegal phone hacking.

Let’s not forget it also exempts Harry from any accountability over that nasty business of globally smearing the entire Royal Family as ­racists fretting over the colour of baby Archie’s skin. Then ­vowing never to reveal the true identities of the two individuals allegedly involved before it ­somehow became public — whoopsadaisy, thanks Omid — that it was CH*RL*S and K*TE all along.

Harry (with Meghan at his side) has broken the blood bond by repeatedly invading the Royals’ collective and individual privacy on television, in ­documentary projects, in print, on film, via Oprah, ­Anderson Cooper, Netflix, Apple, and Tom Bradby — perhaps even on a podcast near you right now.

Indeed, I’ve never understood why the Duke and Duchess of ­Sussex continue to ostracise poor old Thomas Markle for his silly but minor transgression with ­newspapers, when what they’ve done together is a thousand times worse — on an industrial scale.

For the truth is that Prince Harry and the Royal Family fell out about a lot of things a long time ago. And to blame the rift on his Press ­crusade is not just ­disingenuous, it also provides him with the perfect excuse and a freshly minted get-out-of-jail-free card.

I suspect it’s not what King Charles or Prince William would say, it’s not what the Princess of Wales would say, it’s not what all the scolded courtiers and former palace staff members would say about what really caused the royal rift. However, it is what Prince Harry says and in Harry’s world, what Harry says goes — because who is going to argue with him?

Up there in his gilded Californian mansion, with his polo pals and his grandiose Archewell website — a total iron dome of dumb — he lives in a ­confected orbit of celebrity by proxy; he is a fish out of water, a prince in a republic, a rebel on pause. Today, the Sussexes exist as an abstract construct built on stunts and showbiz buzz, ­measuring out their existence by embarking on crusades and accepting ­embarrassing awards such as the Ripple of Hope or the Living ­Legend of Aviation.

Against the wishes of the late ­soldier’s mother, who along with ex-military chiefs, urged him to turn it down, Prince Harry accepted the Pat Tillman Award for Service at a recent star-studded event in Los Angeles. It was the action of a man so desperate to be seen in a heroic light that he’d risk ­ridicule and controversy just to add another medal to his trophy cupboard.

Prince Harry’s life now is propped up by such awards, along with ­honorary accolades and his assorted pet projects. Some of them, like the Invictus Games, are indeed noble. Yet blaming his ­grievances against the Press as the reason for his ongoing isolation from the rest of his family is fooling absolutely no one. Except himself.

A tourist desperate for a photo with the King’s Guard fainted after being bitten on the arm by an unsettled horse. She should have won an Oscar for Best Delayed Reaction in a Post Equine Trauma Incident. It was a sensational performance.

The confrontation took place outside the Household Cavalry Museum in London, despite the warning signs advising onlookers not to approach. Perhaps, as a tourist, the young woman could not read English? Or perhaps she knew best and could not be told anyway, which seems more likely.

It seems obvious that these are working horses and soldiers. Both are on duty. They are part of the rich military pageantry of our capital, but they are not part of Disneyland or to be used for a photo opportunity. I’m sorry she was hurt, but let’s hope others learn from her mistake and show more respect. Some don’t know how to behave around dumb animals — but the horses usually have the right instincts.

 Jailed eco-fanatics don’t deserve our sympathy

The mother of a Just Stop Oil activist jailed for scaling the M25 gantry in 2022 has complained that her daughter ‘will not be present at her brother’s wedding’ next year. Pass me a handkerchief, please. I need something to mop these tears of mirth.

What about all the thousands of people whose lives were disrupted; who didn’t make it to sit their exams, keep business meetings or hospital appointments? Those who missed flights or holding the hand of a dying relative?

Just Stop Oil didn’t stop to think about them. And now in their time of crisis we are supposed to show sympathy for them? Speaking outside court after her 22-year-old Cambridge-educated daughter Cressida (of course) was given a four-year sentence, Cathy Gethin said she was proud of ‘what Cressida stands for’ but that ‘our politicians, our media and our judiciary and yes our energy companies should be shocked and deeply embarrassed at how the court has dispensed its version of justice today’.

I’m only shocked by how lenient the courts have been in the past — and applaud them for getting it right at last. For if you are going to hold others to ransom because of your beliefs, then you must be prepared to accept the consequences of your criminal actions. 

This was a huge protest, aimed at causing maximum disruption. It cost an estimated £765,000, caused 50,000 hours of vehicle delays affecting more than 700,000 vehicles, left the M25 ‘compromised’ for more than 120 hours and cost the Metropolitan Police more than £1.1 million.

The country cannot be expected to change its laws relating to public order just to make sure darling Cressy doesn’t go to prison and her mummy doesn’t get upset as the seating plan for her son’s wedding has been ruined. These people only care about themselves. They think they are morally superior. 

I have scant sympathy for either of them. And even less for idiots like Chris Packham and Coldplay’s Chris Martin, demanding to see the Attorney General and protesting at the sentences of all five activists, including JSO’s chief Roger Hallam, who got five years.

Fanatic eco-activists who appoint themselves as the judges of what should be done about climate change and then do their worst with a wilful disregard for democracy, the law, and the rights of their fellow citizens should expect no clemency. From any of us.

Trump’s veep knows how to lose Friends… 

 Donald Trump’s running mate JD Vance has managed to turn Hollywood against him in Week One: Quite an achievement, even for a Republican. 

Friends star Jennifer Aniston (pictured) who generally stays out of politics, was appalled by his comments about ‘childless cat ladies who are miserable at their own lives’. 

She replied by hoping that Vance’s own daughter was ‘fortunate enough to bear children of her own’ and would not need to ‘turn to IVF as a second option. Because you are trying to take that away from her, too.’

Aniston has not been blessed with children of her own. Vance has not been blessed with brains or tact. Good job, as Melania would say.