How posh is your backyard? The 16 issues upper-class owners

What we have in our gardens says a lot about our social status. Are your flowerbeds pruned to perfection or jam-packed with colour and chaos?

Is your outdoor furniture co-ordinated, or mismatched and handed down over generations?

From the type of pots and colour of our gravel to what we actually call a section of our outside space, the Mail’s Gardening Editor reveals the 16 things upper-class homeowners always have in their garden… and the poshest plant and plant colour of all.

JAM-PACKED FLOWERBEDS

Throw away the rulebook that says you should space plants a certain distance apart. Forget prim bedding schemes. Visible soil is terribly non-U.

Instead, aim for colourful chaos and artistic abandon, planting several of the same species in generous drifts. This may cost an arm and a leg, but if you are truly posh your flowerbeds will have had time to establish, and any gaps can be filled with plants you (or your gardener) have propagated yourself.

MISMATCHED, HANDED-DOWN FURNITURE

You might think the upper classes would have expensive matching outdoor furniture sets, but this is a sign of being terribly arriviste. Truly posh types will have a mismatched array of durable pieces handed down for generations made from hardwood, cast iron and stone, weathered, with a touch of lichen.

COTSWOLD GRAVEL

There’s something about those creamy little shingles that brings weekends at Babington House instantly to mind. They make such a satisfying crunch as you swing your Tesla or battered Land Rover into the drive. Pair with reclaimed brick for the classic country garden look, or Corten steel edging for contemporary style.

TERRACOTTA POTS

It might sound like something you would have for dessert in a fancy restaurant, but terracotta is just another word for fired clay. Plastic pots will never make an appearance in an upper-class garden. Terracotta may be pricier, but posh folk are willing to pay extra for that sun-baked Mediterranean look. Long-lasting, these pots are kinder to the environment as they can be reused many times. They are also better for plants as they are more breathable. The larger the container, the classier.

STONE TERRACE

Never a patio. Even if you only have the smallest of paved areas, you must maintain standards by referring to it as a terrace at all times. Preferably it should be made from reclaimed York Stone and look as if it has always been there. And no barbecues on the terrace, please. We are not Australian.

EXTRAVAGANT MAZE

Anyone who has watched the Netflix hit film Saltburn knows a maze is the toff’s ultimate must-have garden accessory – perfect for lovers’ trysts and losing boring house guests. If you don’t have room for a full-blown Hampton Court affair, a stylish alternative is to mow a labyrinth into your lawn. Last one to the middle buys the drinks.

WILDFLOWER MEADOW

The poshest gardener of them all, aka King Charles III, is a passionate advocate of wildflower meadows and has had one in his gardens at Highgrove since 1982. Great estates around the land have followed his example, including Highclere, home of Downton Abbey. Even if you don’t have room to devote to an entire meadow of wildflowers it has become de rigueur to let the grass on your lawn grow long for at least the month of May.

ANCIENT SUNDIAL

If you are keen to give the impression that your family has inhabited this spot since time immemorial, what better way to do it than with a sundial – the original time-telling device? You get extra posh points if it is clad in ivy.

NATURAL WATER FEATURE

Whether it is a natural swimming lake with an eco-filtration system and reeds around the edges or a plunge pool in a town garden, the poshest water features are those that blend in seamlessly. Or you can go the other way and have a formal rill – a channel of water – built down the middle of your garden like a mini-Versailles. Just try not to fall into it while carrying a tray of Pimms.

SHAPED SHRUBS

Box balls, cloud-pruned yew and peacock-shaped privet are all features you might find in a posh garden. These are collectively known as topiary, darling. They show that you have the time to spend snipping leaves into shapes, or preferably paying someone more knowledgeable to do it for you. In posh town gardens, you might find cypresses carved into spirals on either side of the front door.

ESTATE FENCING

Traditional estate fencing is deceptively simple with a classic, stylish design made from high-quality iron. It says quietly, but with great authority, keep off my land. Only to be used in country gardens. Upper-class townies need railings with spikes to keep out commoners.

GARDEN GAZEBO

Also known as a summer house, or if you must, a garden temple. While the rest of us have sheds, and if we’re lucky a garden office, the upper classes have outbuildings made purely for leisure purposes. A place to sit and ponder their impeccable life choices. Palladian architectural features optional.

ABSTRACT SCULPTURES

There is little posher than having sculptures in your garden, the more abstract and unidentifiable the better. Use them as focal points to draw the eye down the garden and consider the scale appropriate to the place. Natural materials will blend in, while bold, bright pieces will look strikingly contemporary.

WOODLAND STUMPERY

If you are stumped by the word stumpery, don’t admit to it in polite company. Another favourite of our gardener king, there is also a fine specimen at Arundel Castle. The idea is to use dead tree stumps to create a prehistoric landscape of ferns and mosses that thrive in dappled woodland conditions. Think of it as your own little upmarket Jurassic Park.

TRAINED TREES

Pleached, espalier, cordon, stepover, the names may vary but the concept is the same. Trees that have been pruned and trained into shapes that nature never intended. As this is time-consuming work requiring considerable horticultural knowledge, it tends to be the preserve of the upper classes.

GLASSHOUSE OR ORANGERY

Never a greenhouse. As the name suggests they are always made from panes of glass, whereas greenhouses can be made from – whisper the name – polythene panels. Glasshouse speaks of Victorian walled kitchen gardens and hothouse flowers. If you are really posh you might have an orangery.

THE POSHEST PLANT COLOUR OF ALL

This used to be lilac – the colour of wisteria scrambling up the front of your townhouse or lavender edging your country driveway – but now, of course, it’s Café au Lait, as in the designer dahlia. Flowers the colour of old parchment with just a hint of pink. Think ‘Belle Epoque’ tulips, ‘Column Apricot’ scented stocks, ‘Chaters Double Chamois’ hollyhocks and ‘Peachy’ toadflax for that subtle coffee and cream vibe.

…AND THE POSHEST PLANT OF ALL

There are so many to choose from. Exotic agapanthus, plump white hydrangeas, blush roses with names like ‘Cuisse de Nymphe’. If you have a fig, quince, pomegranate, or persimmon in your garden you are definitely posh.

But the ultimate winner must be Amelanchier. Not just for the name – ‘Oh, this old thing? It’s an Amelanchier’ – but also for its showy white flowers in spring with glossy green leaves that turn a rich coppery shade in the autumn. Multi-stemmed specimens achieved through careful pruning are particularly sought after.