The Secret World Of Children assessment by CHRISTOPHER STEVENS
The Secret World Of Children (Channel 5)
As a sales soundbite, this is unbeatable. ‘Buy sweets and get SUGAR CRAZY!’ yelled nine-year-old Lily, put in charge of a confectionery store for the day. That girl has a career ahead of her in advertising, or possibly as a political sloganeer.
With five new friends her own age, she was playing at being grown-up, on The Secret World Of Children. Out of sight, their parents gathered round to watch the fun on monitors, but their reactions weren’t really the point of this show. The kids were the stars.
A similar format has been tried before with pre-schoolers and five-year-olds, on a Channel 4 programme nearly a decade ago. But while most littl’uns at nursery school are much the same, they have developed sharply defined personalities by the time they’re nine – and the producers cannily selected six very different characters for this two-part series.
Split into two groups, one trio ran the sweet shop while the others took responsibility for a fruit stand. Then they went clothes shopping before dinner at a couple of swanky restaurants – one Spanish tapas, one French haute cuisine.
‘It’s like a different language,’ marvelled young Ben, as he scratched his head over the menu. They ended up with escargots, or snails in garlic butter, which certainly makes a change from chicken nuggets.
A series of engineered set-ups challenged the children to think on their feet, teasing them without mocking or exploiting their vulnerability
The producers cannily selected six very different characters for this two-part series
A series of engineered set-ups challenged the children to think on their feet, teasing them without mocking or exploiting their vulnerability. When the bill at the French restaurant came to more than they could pay, they had to work out they were being overcharged.
‘Why does it say ‘Pinnott Gridgo and Savage On Blank’?’ demanded Ben. There’s a useful life lesson – always check you’re not paying for another customer’s vino.
In the tapas bar, they ordered ‘fried baby squid’, just because it sounded gross. It turned out to be delicious: ‘The only thing that’s bad,’ decided Osa, ‘is the guilt behind eating someone’s child.’
Grinning all over his face, neuroscientist Paul Howard-Jones explained what might be going on in the children’s brains as they tackled these new situations. This gave the hour a veneer of educational relevance, but that isn’t the show’s real purpose.
What we want are cute, funny and unexpectedly wise comments from the nine-year-olds, and those we got in abundance.
Putting on her make-up before the meal, Alexis announced, ‘I don’t wear a lot of eye shadow because it is a blummin’ nightmare to get off.’ ‘Children are better at a lot of stuff,’ decided Lily. ‘They’re kinder, they’re smarter, they’re funnier.’
She then explained she’d always wanted to be a policewoman, ‘because you get to taser people and pepper spray them in the eyes. But then my mum told me it’s very rare that you get a taser, so now I don’t want to be a police officer.’
I was wrong about an advertising career. This girl was born for politics.
