Brits go barmy for queuing on the bar – Daily Star provides its damning verdict

Recently, it’s been hard to ignore that some Brits have been abandoning the age-old tradition of scrummaging at the bar in favour of queuing.

Queuing is inherently British, The Daily Star understands that – but the one exception to the rule has always been at the bar. Efforts to tackle the rising trend have been undertaken by defenders of pub custom, J D Wetherspoon, who as we covered yesterday, have taken measures to end the fad in their boozers.

The budget pub chain put up signs in a number of bars deterring people from forming an orderly queue, instead encouraging them to “spread out at the bar to be served”.

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The phenomenon has been well documented. Rod Truan, whose Twitter account, @QueuesPub, invites people to share images of horrible pub queues, previously told the Guardian: “It seems to have started because of Covid. It’s like a hundred years of tradition have been swept away overnight.”

Rod might have a point. But what do the well-oiled bar frequenters of these great isles really think? To find out, I did a lap of Daily Star Towers, home to many such a devoted bar dweller.

“Pushing, shoving, clamouring, crowding – whatever you call it, it’s a long and honourable tradition in British pub culture,” explained Content Editor Lizzie McAllister. “We Brits love a good queue and have perfected the art, but it has a time and place, and the bar just isn’t it. If you’re not willing to fight for your pint, what will you fight for?”

One of our senior news reporters, Leigh McManus, had a surprisingly political slant on things, arguing that the bar scrum was Marxism in action. “You know that video of the woman out walking somewhere in the UK stopping at a red light at temporary roadworks?” he said, climbing onto his desk. “I think her actions spoke to something carnal in the Brit, a need for order. I think the same desires are at play when we see people queuing at bars.

“This is a country of order, a country that built railways. Navigated the globe, organised great armies. However, all of this organisation was done by the bourgeoisie, using the toil and sweat of the proletariat.

“And the pub is the domain of the proletariat, where they go – free from the shackles of the bourgeoisie – to be fluid, freeform and chaotic. That’s where the debate lies, for it is the bourgeoisie who queue at bars, and the plucky proletariat who stride past them and get served first.

“I, for one, support the plucky underdog. The bloke, or bloke-ette, who has the balls to break away and get their much-deserved pint.”

After Leigh had climbed down from his desk and the rumble of conversation re-entered the room, I spoke to US Reporter Tom McGhie, who had a far simpler take: “Queues can ruin a night out. You can be having the best time of your life at your pub table but that’ll be instantly punctured by some merciless little cretin who weaves in front of you at the bar before the words ‘Coor’s Light please’ can leave your lips.”

Word of our quest for the truth managed to leak out of the Towers and to the partner of our Travel Writer, Vita Molyneux, who it turns out has extremely strong thoughts on the matter. He said: “Queuing at bars is a system created by the weak for the weak. We must end the participation trophy way of life and return to the survival of the fittest.”

Darwin and Marx in one Daily Star story about pubs. Who’d have thought it.

The last stop on the canvassing tour was Chief Reporter Charles Wade-Palmer, who saw things a little differently.

“We Brits are known for our apparent love to queue but I’ll tell you what I love more, QR code table service.

“Ok so that’s a little extreme and said ever so slightly with tongue in cheek but I bloody hate getting lost in the mixer like you’re trying to attack a corner against Arsenal. The unregulated spread across the bar creates chaotic shoulder-rubbing and then we expect whoever’s pulling the pints to know exactly in what order we arrived.

“Admittedly there’s a charm to it, be firm but courteous and stay off your phone to lock eyes on the bartender early doors. On Thursday night I experienced the traditional system at Bunch of Grapes, London Bridge followed by a structured waiting process at the nearby outdoor Vinegar Yard which split the bar up with fences. The latter was an unquestionably more pleasurable experience, as everyone knows where they stand, even if you do regret your choice of lane like airport security.

“Of course, it ultimately comes down to the space available. Few boozers have capacity for two or three lines to branch off the bar without ending up on a pool table or someone’s lap.

“So take this as my pledge to make the traditional pub queueing method – where possible– the exception rather than the rule.”

A petition has since circulated around DS Towers to have Charles’ employment terminated with immediate effect. His representatives have not been approached for comment.

Freelance Writer Ben Lynch summed up what everyone sane is thinking: “People queueing at the pub is seriously irritating. Not only is it a daft hangover from the pandemic, it has deprived us of the art of trying to catch the bartender’s eye. I miss the polite ‘no after you’ moments and the annoyed tuts when a newcomer to the bar huddle steams in and orders a drink, flashing his wallet while he’s at it.

“This is a much better system than queueing. These weird do-gooders are helping no one.”