Putin points ‘organic clock’ order with freaky Russia life expectancy aim

Vladimir Putin and his pensioner cronies have ordered boffins to hand over their latest research on prolonging life.

Bad Vlad supposedly issued instructions as the “biggest boss” and led to officials scrambling to fulfil his wishes, according to one source. Reports say Putin has long had an interest in anti-ageing but there now appears a new urgency to seek “active longevity”.

Independent news outlets Meduza and Sistema said a letter from the Russian health ministry in June demanded to know the latest developments in anti-ageing research.

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A source said: “The biggest boss set a task, and officials rushed to implement it in every possible way.”

An informer revealed: “We were asked to urgently send all our developments, and the letter came, let’s say, today, and everything had to be sent yesterday.”

The reported demands on the scientists are likely part a goal to increase the life expectancy of Russians. In May, Putin told the government to find a way of increasing Russian life expectancy to 81 years. This is a major increase from 73.4 last year, according to the Federal State Statistics Service of Russia.

Bloomberg reported that independent demographer Alexei Raksha said on his Telegram that Putin’s aims are “unrealistic without stopping the war and sharply tightening the screws on strong alcohol and cigarettes, as well as doubling health care spending”.

Speculation around Putin’s health has been around for a long time, but the Kremlin has always denied the former KGB man is in anything but good health for his 71 years.

But in February, the former boss of MI6 suggested Putin could have Parkinson’s.

Sir Richard told LBC’s Nick Ferrari: “I have contacts, friends, still in Eastern Europe who think that there is something fundamentally wrong with him medically…

“But I’m not a clinician. Probably Parkinson’s, which of course has different representations, different variations, different seriousness,” he told the radio station. But if the man is paranoid, and I think the murder of Navalny might suggest a certain paranoia, that is one of the symptoms.”

Further rumours have suggested Putin is ill and the Kremlin even had to deny rumours that Putin died of cancer in October. Moscow also dismissed reports that he had suffered a heart attack.

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