‘The new Champions League format is a bloated mess and a Super League knock-off’

So they’ve played silly buggers with the Champions League format and honestly what a load of unnecessary b*llocks – like Chelsea signing Jadon Sancho.

Only UEFA, who are about as out of touch as Hall & Oates, could look at such a timeless format and think it needs a revamp. The old structure worked fine – groups, knockouts, final. Easy.

Now it’s a complicated mess, and about as bloated as Ange Postecoglou after a heavy sesh on Fosters and witchetty grubs (yes, I know Aussies don’t actually drink Fosters, bore off!). Plus, the best teams now play each other more than Gareth Southgate plays Kalvin Phillips.

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In football, less is usually more, as it is with VAR reviews, or Steve McManaman’s commentary. Why can’t these bozos get that through their thick skulls?

After all that chest-thumping about the Super League, they’ve basically gone and created their own knock-off version, the pillocks.

What do you make of the new Champions League format? Let us know in the comments section below.

Evertone it down, lads

Everton fans are an odd bunch aren’t they? They’ll set fireworks off outside opponents’ hotels to give their beloved lads an edge, then wait for said beloved lads at Euston station just to shout “You fookun rats” at them because they lost to [*checks notes*] a Tottenham side who finished 26 points above them last season.

I’ll never understand why fans abuse their own players after a defeat. It’s as illogical as punching your car because it stalled, or joining Arsenal to win the Champions League.

There’s being passionate, and there’s being a pathetic, hot-heated twerp. If you turn on your team quicker than Nicolas Jackson turns 1v1 situations into goal kicks then you’re as good a fan as Michael Owen is a pundit.

It’s hard enough being an Everton player. They’ve got the grim weather and local accent to deal with, plus the sacks of gravel Sean Dyche force-feeds them every morning. They could really do without scummy low-lives pouncing on them like Dominic Calvert-Lewin pounces on Chanel handbags.

Is this Spurs to be clever?

Chelsea might have signed about 700 players but Tottenham were officially the most annoying club in the transfer window.

They spaffed £65m up the wall on Dominic ‘one cap for England’ Solanke, but more egregious than that was the deal they struck for Real Betis’ Johnny Cardoso. Well, I say ‘deal’, but they haven’t actually signed the bloke. Instead, they’ve sort of agreed to sort of potentially sign him in the future, sort of.

Like Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby at Her Maj’s funeral they’ve weaselled their way to a priority slot. They’ve also negotiated a sell-on clause, which means the swines will profit off him whether he joins them or not.

If these ludicrous non-deals are the future of transfers then count me out, because this cr*p is more backward than the football Manchester United play.