Ultimate 10-step information to cease consuming, with this psychological trick

If you’re still feeling groggy after a boozy weekend you’re probably wondering what kind of lasting damage alcohol is having on your body and brain.

This is the bad news: many scientists have come to regard alcohol as a ‘neurotoxic carcinogen’, and recent major studies have concluded that there is no such thing as a ‘safe’ level of drinking, let alone a beneficial one.

Just a few glasses of wine or beer each week is enough to increase your risk of cardiovascular disease, liver disease, dementia and cancer.

So it is not surprising that unprecedented numbers are taking part in Sober October this year to rethink their relationship with alcohol. And more and more people are going further – not just ‘cutting down’ but choosing a fresh new path without any booze at all.

Reformed party animals Kate Moss and Lily Allen are part of an ever-growing teetotal gang of celebrity role models including Adele, Brad Pitt, Tom Holland, Elle Macpherson and Daniel Radcliffe, while a brave new ‘Sober Girl’ craze is sweeping social media.

So, while there are still two weeks of Sober October left, here’s our simple 14-step guide to ditching the drink for the rest of the month – or perhaps for ever.

1) Stop drinking completely (at least for a while)

You don’t have to be a heavy drinker for alcohol to be causing problems.

Lucy Rocca, a sober coach and creator of the popular Soberistas online community, says: ‘Before I ditched alcohol in 2011, I thought there were just two types of drinker – the park bench alcoholic and the ‘responsible drinker’, and I sat in the middle.

‘I was high-functioning, yet, like many, I sometimes struggled to moderate my alcohol consumption. And for more than two decades I managed to convince myself that my drinking was ‘not that bad’.’

People who kid themselves they’ve got drinking under control are most in need of help, she believes: ‘If you’re curious about the idea of stopping drinking completely, it probably means you are struggling.’

Like many ex-drinkers she holds little truck with self-imposed restriction. ‘Committing to a period of complete abstinence is the only way to really explore your relationship with alcohol,’ she says.

2) Pinpoint your ‘why?’

Alcohol is addictive and breaking free of that addiction (even if you’re not a heavy drinker) can be tough, so it is important to be very clear about why you are doing this.

Psychologists recommend pinpointing your personal ‘why’ right at the start when your resolve is high, and to hold it close as your guiding light throughout the process.

Your ‘why’ is the fundamental, non-negotiable reason why not drinking is important to you. It might be the way drink ruins your sleep, the way it makes you anxious and its impact on stubborn middle-aged spread, or perhaps you’ve had a health scare or one too many embarrassing, drunken incidents that you can no longer laugh off. To hold your resolve, it should be bigger and more important to you than any momentary temptation to drink.

3) Write a ‘dear John’ letter to booze

Lucy recommends writing a letter to explain why you are breaking up with alcohol as an exercise in steeling your resolve. She suggests using phrases like: ‘I loved you and we had so much fun together but you’re just not fun any more – I can’t live with the hangovers and the lost weekends, it’s time to say goodbye’, or ‘I want to sleep better, to be healthy, to lose weight, but you’re standing in my way, I don’t like myself when I’m with you. Our relationship has changed, and I want out.’

Lucy says committing these thoughts to paper provides an opportunity to think about your worst drinking experiences and set them against important core values now. This letter will serve as a powerful motivational tool if your resolve wavers in the future.

4) Tell someone

If sobriety (even temporary sobriety) is your secret, it can be very easy to go back on your word. But if you tell someone – ideally someone you trust, who will support you – and tell them the REAL reasons why you want to stop, you will be more likely to stick to your plan.

5) Clear the house of booze

There’s strong evidence to suggest cravings are more intense during the first two weeks, so box up your wine, empty your drinks cupboard and give the contents to a friend. ‘It’s surprising what a powerful disincentive it is if you have to go to a shop to buy booze when cravings strike,’ says Lucy.

6) Become an alcohol-free connoisseur

Fill your fridge with a delicious selection of zero-alcohol beers, spirits and mixers so you never feel deprived. Some contain ingredients which claim to activate GABA in the brain, which is the neurotransmitter responsible for sensations of sociability.

Meanwhile, others, such as sparkling kombucha, offer the familiar celebratory ritual of unwrapping the foil and popping a cork with the bonus of gut-enhancing microbes.

TV and radio presenter Janey Lee Grace stopped drinking in 2018 and now works as a ‘holistic sober coach’, presenting the Alcohol Free Life podcast (which has had 1.2million downloads) and runs a wellbeing platform for the sober and ‘sober curious’.

She says if you’ve been in the habit of rewarding a day at work or looking after the family with a large glass of wine, you need an alternative ritual: ‘Your subconscious mind will be primed for reward, so make sure you’ve got a great grown-up soft drink chilling in the fridge, then pour it into a fancy glass, sit back and enjoy.’

7) Plan alternative activities

When you add up the time you used to spend drinking and the hours wasted recovering from hangovers that left you barely able to function, you could find yourself with a good deal of bonus time suddenly and refreshingly available each week.

‘If you don’t have a plan you could end up feeling bored and your mind could drift to drinking,’ warns Lucy. Far better to line up a host of new activities.

‘Exercise is the best first choice,’ she adds, ‘because you get all the benefits of mood-boosting endorphins, sociability, the health boost, a sense of pride and self-worth, all of which reinforce your noble intentions not to drink.’

Creative pursuits are similarly useful – painting, writing, even knitting – in occupying your new-found spare time in a constructive and productive way.

8) Build your ‘sober tool-kit’

Janey Lee Grace recommends that those new to non-drinking compile a shiny new tool-kit of healthy props and distractions they can reach for when needed. This might be a journal or an actual box which sits on your desk and holds essential oils (lavender, ginger or tea tree), maybe crystals, a notebook and a beautiful pen. ‘At any given moment I might rummage around for one of my breathing techniques, supplements, a beauty treatment, a few yoga moves, a walk in nature,’ she says.

Lucy suggests adding a ‘gratitude journal’ to the kit. ‘It might sound corny, but keeping a notebook by your bed and each night jotting down three simple things you’ve enjoyed about being sober that day (perhaps you woke up feeling refreshed, your jeans are feeling loose and you saved £15 on that jug of margaritas) can help to boost morale and a sense of achievement,’ she says.

Other useful additions include ‘quit lit’ – books which celebrate success stories, including The Easy Way For Women To Stop Drinking by Allen Carr or The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley, and podcasts such as Sober Awkward, Sober Curious, How I Quit Alcohol and Bee Sober.

9) Prepare a great script

Before stepping out in public at a social event for the first time, it’s good prepare a well-crafted ‘I’m not drinking right now’ script that is so good it cannot be questioned. Then practice your script (role play with a friend) to build your drink refusal skills.

It might be enough to deliver a convincingly clear and firm ‘no thanks’, as long explanations and vague excuses tend to invite conjecture. So keep it snappy.

You can tell your friends you’re driving, you’ve had enough alcohol to last a lifetime, you feel better without it, you’re on a health kick… but say it with conviction.

10) Say ‘quitting’ not ‘giving up’

Successful sobriety demands a positive mindset. ‘You are not ‘giving up drinking’, you are abandoning a drinking lifestyle and all the negativity it espouses,’ says Janey Lee Grace, ‘There is nothing to give up and everything to gain!’

She urges a complete ban on the phrase ‘giving up’, because ‘your unconscious mind is listening and the idea of giving something up just reinforces old patterns of thought that imply you might be missing out’. She suggests using ‘quitting’ and ‘ditching’ instead.

11) Find your sober community

Life without drink is easier if you know plenty of other people enjoying a sober life.

One high-profile sober influencer for Millenials and Gen Z is Millie Gooch, 33, who stopped drinking seven years ago at the age of 26 and set up the Sober Girl Society, which has 221,000 followers on Instagram. She runs courses, workshops and events such as ‘boozeless burlesque’ and bottomless (alcohol-free) brunches.

‘When I stopped drinking I didn’t know a single other sober person,’ she says, ‘so I set up Sober Girl Society to help normalise non-drinking and show there’s so much fun to be had without booze.’

Her top tip for party lovers is to look out for alcohol-free parties and raves such as House of Happiness (www.thehouseofhappiness.co.uk) and Morning Gloryville (www.morninggloryville.com) for drug-free sober rave events.

12) Name and shame the ‘wine witch’

When cravings strike – which they will – turn detective and ask yourself what’s going on. Are you actually hungry? Thirsty? Sad? Angry? Bored? Lonely? Or even happy and excited?

‘It can help take the heat out of those cravings if you turn your attention to the emotion that might lie behind them and think about ways you might be able to feed those needs without drink,’ says Lucy.

And putting a name to your cravings makes denying them empowering. So, instead of thinking ‘I’d kill for a glass of wine right now’, it helps to reframe the moment as ‘the wine witch is really bothering me’ or the ‘vodka vixen is on the prowl’.

13) Be alert for FAB (Fading Affect Bias)

As time goes on, sobriety gets easier, but you need to be perpetually alert for Fading Affect Bias. This is the insidious creep of phrases like ‘I wasn’t that much of a drinker’, ‘I was no worse than anyone else’ or ‘it’s Christmas, what harm will a few drinks do?’

Knowing FAB exists means you can spot it on the horizon and use this as an opportunity to revisit your ‘why’, have another look at your ‘dear John’ letter and reinforce those early steps.

14) Hang in there

Understand that slip-ups happen. Lucy Rocca says: ‘Quitting booze isn’t a quick fix – it can take up to six months to work through the psychological complexities of being sober at social occasions and working out who you really are without alcohol in your life.’

So, if you do find yourself tempted by a drink (or two), feelings of self-loathing will only draw you back in further: ‘Give yourself a couple of days for the feelings of anguish to subside and then go back to step one and start again.’

When it’s not good to stop drinking

For most people, a break from drinking – whether that’s for weeks, months, or the rest of your life – can be transformative, but for a small proportion of people who are clinically dependent on alcohol, suddenly stopping can be extremely dangerous.

Take the online quiz at www.alcoholchange.org.uk to see if you are dependent on alcohol. A high score indicates a potential problem which should be discussed with your GP or your local alcohol service.

There’s an app for that

Whether you want to stop drinking completely or keep a close eye on your alcohol consumption, there are a wealth of alcohol tracking apps which allow you to monitor your units, calories and spending. Some also track sleep, energy levels, mood and cravings so you can set mini goals (such as no drinking from Monday to Thursday), helping you to highlight your ‘dry streaks’ – the number of days you go without booze. They include Try Dry, MyDrinkaware, I Am Sober and Reframe.