Tracey Cox reveals what ladies actually fantasise about
Women’s fantasies are having a moment.
Want, a book by Gillian Anderson, featuring anonymous sexual fantasies of women around the world, is dominating the best-seller lists.
Now, recent research from an erotic audio-erotica website (Bloom) has unveiled a fascinating look at the fantasies women want more of – and it’s not rose petals strewn across the bed.
Historically, porn catered almost exclusively to men. The last decade has seen a surge in erotica designed to catch the female gaze.
Prepare yourself for more of the below, as porn sites adjust their content to appeal more to women.
Having a threesome now consistently tops the list of fantasies for women as well as men. Stock image used
THREESOMES
Not so long ago, having a threesome – particularly one with two women and one man – was a top fantasy for men only.
Now it consistently tops the list for women as well.
The audio porn survey found 77 per cent of women want to see more threesome fantasies on porn sites.
Eighty-nine per cent of people surveyed for Tell Me What You Want (the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies by Dr Justin Lehmiller) said they’d fantasised about having a threesome.
Those in relationships said it would ideally involve their spouse. Straight men wanted one with two women while heterosexual women were happy with either gender.
What’s the appeal?
Threesomes are a heady blend of exhibitionism, voyeurism, bi-curiosity (if it’s the same gender involved) and a human longing for excess (if one person feels good, more must feel better).
Novelty and power are other strong motivators.
Same sex fantasies have always been more popular with women but more so today because of changing attitudes to sexual taboos.
Threesomes have been normalised by turning up frequently in TV and in movies and there’s a growing acceptance of sexual fluidity.
Sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) says women today are fantasising more about rough sex and domination
Who’s having them?
Younger women (18-34) are more likely to fantasise about threesomes. Not only are women in this age bracket more open to experimentation, they report higher levels of interest in group sex.
Women in long-term relationships are also more inclined to fantasise about adding new elements, like a threesome, to their experiences.
About one-third of women in committed relationships fantasise about bringing in another person.
WOMEN RECEIVING ORAL SEX
No prizes for figuring out why this one is – and always has been – popular with females.
Most women who orgasm during sex with their partner, do so through oral stimulation.
A certain scene in Bridgerton also gave oral sex a push in the right direction but why wouldn’t we want to watch porn depicting our favourite part of sex?
Fifty-four per cent of the women surveyed wanted more female focused oral sex to feature in porn.
What’s the appeal?
The tongue has always been mightier than the penis when it comes to women climaxing.
Men pounding away having penetrative sex does as little to arouse us in porn as it does in real life. Penis envy is something that men experience, not women.
With the rise of feminist porn, ethical erotica and platforms that cater specifically to women’s desires, women are now able to consume and create content that reflects the type of sex that most does it for us.
Fifty-two per cent of women surveyed by erotic audio-porn website Bloom said they want to see more romance themed porn available online (stock image)
Who’s having them?
All ages and stages. The orgasm gap – men orgasm more frequently than women in heterosexual partnered sex – highlights the need for direct clitoral stimulation for women to experience pleasure.
Oral sex is one of the most effective and popular ways to provide this.
ROMANTIC SEX
Women don’t just want to be aroused, they want to feel cherished and valued. One reason why 52 per cent of women want more romance themed porn available online.
Fantasising about intimacy is the fantasy most women readily admit to. It seems more ladylike to say ‘My fantasy is making love on a tropical beach at sunset’ than ‘Being given oral sex by the Pope during high mass while the congregation watches’.
What’s the appeal?
Romantic fantasies are sex with emotional attachment. They typically revolve around tenderness, emotional connection and mutual desire.
In porn, this category is the least represented. In an online landscape of male orientated, impersonal content, finding porn with a romantic theme offers a much needed break.
Romantic fantasies typically revolve around tenderness, emotional connection and mutual desire (stock image)
Who’s having them?
Mostly women who are more motivated by love than sex and are generally sexually conservative.
Even if we can’t do it in reality, most women can separate sex and love in their imaginations.
Women who only have romantic fantasies tend not to be able to.
ROUGH SEX AND DOMINATION
Of all the categories, this is the one that’s most grown in popularity for women. For those who think it’s an indication that women secretly like violent sex, think again. In our fantasies we are in complete control of what happens to us. In real life, we aren’t.
These fantasies are very much based on a consensual power dynamic where one partner takes control and the other surrenders in a safe setting.
Fifty-two per cent of women on Bloom wanted more rough sex fantasy content; 50 per cent wanted erotica that’s domination themed.
What’s the appeal?
Domination fantasies are a lot about power: one person has it, the other doesn’t and we’re attracted to both for different reasons.
Stripped of it, we are completely at the mercy of someone else, absolving us of responsibility. We’re ‘forced’ to enjoy whatever the other person does to us.
If you’re a people pleaser and usually the giver, this makes it impossible to reciprocate. Delicious! If we’re the ones in control, we’re given permission to be completely selfish.
While 52 per cent of women on Bloom wanted more rough sex fantasy content, 50 per cent wanted erotica that’s domination themed (stock image)
Who’s having them?
Women at opposite ends of a spectrum.
Women with dominant personalities in their professional or personal lives cast themselves in the submissive role of rough sex or domination fantasies.
Because they’re responsible for so much in their everyday lives, the idea of someone else taking the reins is appealing.
Women who feel powerless in real life also enjoy domination fantasies but as the person in charge.
- Tracey’s podcast, SexTok, is available every Wednesday. You’ll find details of this, her blog, books and product ranges (sold through Lovehoney) at traceycox.com.
