AMANDA PLATELL: Cheating Kyle’s spouse ought to present him the crimson card

When the wife of serial love rat Kyle Walker, the preening Manchester City star, delivered divorce papers on her errant husband, a cry of joy was heard from every woman who’d been lied to and cheated on.

At last, Annie was taking Kyle to the cleaners after years of infidelity. She’d suffered the public humiliation of his on-off mistress Lauryn Goodman showing off the two children he had with her and had staggered on with the marriage. But, it seemed, she finally wanted out. She was determined to get at least half of his £27 million fortune.

Friends have been saying Kyle was devastated and blindsided by her decision. Yet as the Mail reveals, as news of their divorce broke, they were snuggling up in the family home in Cheshire watching TV.

Those close to the couple said they were ‘continuing to work on the marriage’, and would co-parent their four sons. It’s what they call a ‘no-split divorce’ in which Annie gets her financial security and Kyle continues to live with the woman he insists he loves.

Lord alive, how many times does he have to cheat on her before Annie kicks him out for good? After all, this is a man who, according to claims by ex-Man City star Benjamin Mendy in court documents this week, took part in consensual orgies with women at his home during Covid restrictions.

Perhaps this co-parenting is Annie’s revenge – a defiant message to Lauryn that she will never be with the father of her two children. To me it looks like weakness. In this sad, sordid saga of greed, sex and revenge, there are no winners.

Why on earth did Annie let him stay?

Professor of Immunology John Trowsdale says many kids today have allergies because parents insist on lives that are too clean and even dirt from pets is good for us. My mum always said it was good for us when our tea came complete with cat and dog hairs and the odd blowfly in the gravy.

My Secret sign

Now, I do realise we are required to embrace the fuller figure in all its beauty and to think the plus-size model Ashley Graham in the Victoria’s Secret parade is a woman to be celebrated. So I put her picture on my fridge door – to remind me not to finish the entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream before bedtime.

The World Conker Championships is engulfed in a cheating row with claims that ‘King Conker’ David Jakins hid a metal conker in his pocket and may have surreptitiously used it to unfair advantage. What is more jolly? That there’s a cheating row at the World Conker Championship?

Or that such a competition should even exist? God bless Blighty.

Westminster wars

• After providing Taylor Swift with a taxpayer-funded police escort to her concerts and pocketing £2,800 worth of free tickets for him and his family, Keir Starmer, leader of the sixth most powerful country in the world, is given a ‘brush by’ 10-minute ‘meet and greet’ with Swift. Has he no dignity?

• Kemi Badenoch says she’d give a peerage to JK Rowling for her stand against trans extremists. A bit embarrassing as the lifelong Labour supporter who gave £1 million to Gordon Brown when he was PM would almost certainly reply: ‘Expelliarmus.’

• Does a day not pass without another senior government minister – six already and still counting – fessing up they took free Swiftie tickets. I’d have more respect for Labour if they’d taken freebies to watch Bruce Springsteen.

Domestic abuse charity Women’s Aid is outraged that Wynne Evans placing his hand on Strictly partner Katya Jones’s waist is not being treated more seriously, insisting ‘a grope is never a joke’. 

Oh do get over yourselves ladies and focus on the more than two million women who are the real victims of sexual abuse. Wynne’s hand was on her waist, not up her skirt.

Ahead of new movie Gladiator II, Paul Mescal poses for GQ magazine as gladiator Lucius, son of Russell Crowe’s Maximus.

Puny, 5ft 9in Mescal, in skimpy black briefs with hardly a pectoral bulge in sight, versus the magnificently muscled 6ft Crowe in his prime in the original movie? Leaves us fans wondering how long it will be before the lions eat the new boy.

Fooling in love

Netflix’s documentary Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare tells the true story of Kirat Assi who was tricked into believing she was in an online relationship for nine years with a man called Bobby even though they’d hardly met.

Alarm bells never rang – not when he said he’d been shot six times, or claimed he was in a witness protection programme so they couldn’t meet, or had a stroke so he couldn’t even speak.

 The show should have been called How Stupid Can One Woman Be?

The bare truth about mum Heidi

Model Heidi Klum, 51, posed for lingerie brand Intimissimi in a skimpy bra and knickers with daughter Leni, just 20. 

The pictures left many questioning her parenting skills, with one asking ‘which normal mum would pose together with her daughter in lingerie?’ Answer: A mother with near-naked ambition for her offspring.

Giovanni Pernice left Strictly after Amanda Abbington’s claims of bullying against him – which were mostly dismissed. Now the Channel 4 series he’s been working on, Celebrity Hunted, is to air in January after being paused for the BBC’s investigation. As judge Craig Revel Horwood might say: ‘A disaster darling’… for Amanda.

The abuse inflicted upon Sara Sharif, ten, before her death is appalling. Yet after neighbours revealed in court they heard ‘gut-wrenching screams’, I did wonder why they didn’t report it to the police – or knock on the door.

The outpourings of grief after the death of One Direction’s Liam Payne are heart-rending, especially from his bandmates. Yet one wonders how often they reached out a caring hand to him when pursuing their solo careers and if compassion from his besties was only in one direction – towards themselves.

BBC must say no to Brendan

Something is seriously wrong with a BBC that will go ahead with airing a Christmas special of Mrs Brown’s Boys, after actor Brendan O’Carroll made a joke in which he implied the use of the N-word during a rehearsal.

The only N-word the BBC should be saying is ‘No’ to a series made by a horrible man.