I caught our surrogate consuming alcohol and made her abort the newborn
Like an increasing number of Americans, Marty and Melinda Rangers’ busy careers made it difficult for them to start a family.
But after making a small fortune in the real estate business and retiring early, the couple moved to the Caribbean where they finally felt ready to bring new life into the world.
However, being in their early 40s and finding their new local medical services ‘unreliable’, they decided to forgo IVF and opt for surrogacy instead.
Marty and Melinda invested in ‘hundreds of hours of research’ in the process. But the dramatic moment when they caught their selected surrogate drinking alcohol turned their dreams of parenthood into a nightmare.
Marty Ranger* and his wife Melinda had their children via surrogate but they found the world of surrogacy is a ‘minefield’
The couple settled on a newer but reputable surrogacy agency in California, who introduced them to a young woman who ‘seemed reliable on paper and good to talk to over the phone.’
From there, both parties went through a psychological screening and the surrogate passed a medical check. Then the couple’s embryo was transferred to the surrogate by an IVF clinic.
Marty said the surrogacy fees came in at around $100,000, with ‘$30,000 going to the agency, $65,000 going to the surrogate, and another $5,000 in legal fees.’
As part of the process, Marty and his wife had to sign a contract with their surrogate ‘which was around 40 pages long with these agreements covering things you would never have thought of.’
Detailing some of the points in the contract, Marty revealed: ‘Drugs and alcohol are strictly forbidden during the pregnancy, as is leaving the country. Domestic air travel is only possible with a doctor’s letter.
‘The surrogate also cannot leave the state in the last trimester, and they cannot have a new sex partner without prior approval.’
Overseas travel raises the risk of diseases or infections such as Zika and malaria.
Likewise, having a new sexual partner could increase their risk of them contracting an STD which could harm the baby.
While Marty and Melinda were happy about their choice initially, four months into their pregnancy they caught their surrogate drinking alcohol.
The couple would speak bi-weekly to their surrogate on the phone, and, for extra peace of mind, Melinda liked to check her activities on social media.
Around three-and-a-half weeks into the pregnancy, Melinda checked the woman’s Instagram and saw that she had been tagged in a video drinking what appeared to be a tequila shot.
Detailing the chain of events, Marty said: ‘It was all going fine with our surrogate pregnancy until Melinda saw that Instagram.
‘It was a complete shock for us and when we confronted her about it, she said it was water that she was drinking but there was something about her reaction that left me unconvinced.
‘After much deliberation, we decided the best thing to do would be to terminate our baby at 20 weeks.
‘It was a very tough decision, but the trust had been broken and we were unsure what else this woman was capable of.’
While Marty and Melinda were happy about their choice to begin with, four months into their pregnancy their worst nightmare came into play when they caught their surrogate out drinking
Marty and Melinda asked for their surrogate to terminate the pregnancy for breach of contract and she complied. They ‘cut ties and moved on.’
‘Luckily our surrogate was communicative and respected our wishes and we just left it there,’ Marty explained.
‘It gets very complicated with the contract and so on, so we handled the matter outside of the agency and ensured the surrogate was well compensated.’
After doing yet more research, he and Melinda went with a more well established surrogacy agency in California, which they found had a more stringent vetting service, such as only employing surrogates who had birthed children previously.
It is estimated that around 750 babies are born each year in the US using gestational surrogacy, when embryos from the couple are inserted into the surrogate.
This is the method Marty and Melinda used.
The other method of surrogacy – traditional surrogacy – uses an egg from the surrogate mother, which is then artificially inseminated using sperm from the intended father or a donor.
Frank Bewkes, a professor at the George Washington University Law School, notes that the problem with traditional surrogacy is that, ‘in most states, the traditional surrogate is presumed to be the mother of the child she carries, either because she birthed the child or because of the confluence of gestation and genetics.
‘Thus, the arrangement is treated as a post-birth adoption, leaving the surrogate free to change her mind after the birth.’
After switching to another surrogacy agency in California, Marty said it ‘made the world of difference’ and while the fees were almost double, it was ‘well worth it.’
The only hiccup during the pregnancy was that their surrogate refused to get a Covid vaccine.
She ended up delivering their baby early via a C-section, after contracting the virus when she was six months pregnant.
Despite the premature delivery, Marty and Melinda’s baby girl was in good health and ‘the surrogacy as a whole was a positive experience.’
When they decided to try for a second child two years later, they decided to go with a different agency, after getting more input from friends who had gone through surrogacy.
Marty explained: ‘For our second child, we focused on judgement of the surrogate more intensely and we got them to commit more explicitly that they would follow medical advice on pregnancy, be it vaccines, bed rest, diet, or whatever it may be.
‘The journey for our second child went very smoothly and could not have been more picture perfect of a process.’
Marty goes as far to describe their second experience with surrogacy as ‘like something out of a Disney movie.’
Overall, Marty and his wife paid around $300,000 to have their daughter and son via surrogate moms
The couple grew increasingly close to the surrogate and her family as the pregnancy progressed and the month before the birth, Marty said they had a ‘great time hanging out and waiting for the baby.’
He continues: ‘At the moment of birth, we were all there to support the surrogate, and when the baby came, we were all so happy and my wife held the baby first, and then once all the medical checks were done and things settled down after about 20 minutes we brought the baby for the surrogate to hold as well.
‘She was so happy for us and happy to meet the baby, but she also had the attachment of having raised the baby for nine months.
‘Over the coming day as everyone settled in and was checked at the hospital she brought her family and children to meet the baby and we all took pictures together and it was a lovely, positive celebration.’
Marty and his wife now have a strong relationship with their surrogate and her family and they send photos and videos of their son every week.
The father-of-two concludes: ‘Surrogacy certainly isn’t for everyone.
‘Despite the drama we had with some of our initial journeys, our last surrogacy journey was magical.’
Overall, Marty and his wife paid more than $300,000 to have their daughter and son via surrogate moms.
He says that some of the other ‘hidden costs’ involved include benefits such as paid time off for the surrogate after giving birth, counseling, maternity clothing, and housekeeping services during the pregnancies.
The couple also paid for their surrogates’ ‘organic groceries,’ to ensure they maintained healthy diets.
Offering advice to other couples considering having babies via surrogates, Marty says the most important thing is ‘doing lots of research and thinking of things that could come up down the line.’
