“Trump’s loyal aide nicknamed ‘human printer’ after she wrote him love letters’

DONALD Trump’s sycophant squad is crowded but 33-year-old Natalie Harp stands out as its most dedicated member, earning the nickname “human printer” among his staff.

This week, Natalie’s love letters to her boss were revealed, showing so much syrup they left even his team squirming. In one, she professed, “You are all that matters to me,” and dubbed him her “Guardian and Protector”.

She even hailed their “synergy” and wished they could chat without pesky topics like, well, work. As if that weren’t enough, Harp totes around a portable printer ready to churn out fresh praise at the drop of a hat, just in case Trump needs a hard copy of his fan mail on the go.

A school in Clarksville, Tennessee, discovered the hard way that timing and phrasing are everything – especially during a safety drill. What should have been a calm, controlled intruder drill spiralled into a full-blown panic after an administrator announced, with Oscar-worthy conviction: “This is not a drill. There’s an active shooter in the cafeteria.”

Spoiler: it was a drill. Unfortunately, the communication strategy fell somewhere between thriller and farce – leaving students, staff and parents scared witless.

In a twist worthy of a prison soap opera, Florida’s Daisy Link managed to allegedly fatally shoot her boyfriend – and then have a fellow inmate impregnate via her jail’s air conditioning vents.

Despite never meeting in person, 29-year-old Daisy managed to get pregnant thanks to a budding romance with male inmate Joan Depaz, 24, who is also cooling off in jail for a separate murder charge.

Daisy and Joan – housed at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Centre – bonded over whispered sweet nothings through the air con vent, proving that love and, apparently, baby-making find a way – even when you’re separated by steel bars and bad life choices.

It was discovered he sent her “samples” through the vent which she then used to become pregnant.

The San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency is finally stepping out of the 1990s. Its board has approved a hefty £167million in funding to ditch the floppy disks that have been running its Muni Metro light rail system.

A California man’s trip Down Under was cut short when US airport security discovered his luggage was packed with more than 70lbs of methamphetamine soaked clothing – including a cow-print onesie.

Raj Matharu’s pink and grey suitcases raised eyebrows at LAX on November 6, leading officers to find clothes stiff with white powder that tested positive for meth, federal prosecutors said.

Customs extracted more than a kilogram of the drug from his suitcases.