‘The dad play dates that are saving lives and improving men’s psychological well being’

When his eldest son was young, Tyler Slade found himself, “very, very depressed”. His wife was recovering from a difficult ­pregnancy, and he was struggling at work.

“I was really low,” he says, “and I went AWOL for a few days. I got ­intoxicated and took myself ­somewhere dangerous. My brain wasn’t thinking straight, and I thought it would be better if I wasn’t here.”

In the end, he says: “I’ve got three amazing brothers and the youngest came to get me.”

Now 43, Tyler is one of the ­extraordinary dads who make up Dad La Soul in Sussex. The network is the brainchild of Dan Flanagan, a father who also bottled up his feelings, in his case, after his own dad died.

Last week, Health Secretary Wes Streeting unveiled plans for the first ever “men’s health strategy” which will include men’s mental health and suicide prevention. Dan would now like to invite the Health Secretary to a Dad La Soul playdate on the South Coast as a model for change.

“Every week in the UK, 84 men take their own lives,” he says. “That’s 84 families shattered. We know what that moment feels like, and so do far too many people we know.”

Dan, 50, was raised by a single dad. “When I was seven and my parents split, Dad got custody of me and my three sisters, because my lovely mum became ill,” he says. “I grew up seeing the lack of support for dads.

“When I became a dad, I had a nice house in the suburbs, a good job, but I really struggled. I was commuting a three-hour round trip to work and often missed the bedtime routine. I felt really guilty. I had everything, but I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like this.

“Then my dad passed away and when I didn’t talk about it, it came back to bite me. I quit my job and started working from home, but I would never see any dads in the playground or at the park. Parents would be on their phones, and it was lonely and isolating.

“I started a dad’s blog and, in 2017, I held a playdate at my friend’s office. I had 14 dads and 20 kids turn up. Nobody was on their phone, and it was remarkable to see strangers becoming friends. Dads were dressing up, taking part in beatbox challenges and having tea parties, it wasn’t socially awkward. From there, Dad La Soul was born.

“If there was Dad La Soul when I was struggling with fatherhood and when my marriage was in crisis, it would have been lifesaving. Yes, I had lots of Facebook friends, but did I have anyone I could phone up for a cuppa or a pint?”

As well as holding events in Brighton and Worthing, Dad La Soul has grown into a network of more than 3,500 dads, from New Zealand to New York. The youngest is a 16-year-old who has just done his GCSEs and the oldest is a 75-year-old who has custody of his grandkids.

Conversations can be as diverse as sexual abuse, menopause, loneliness, finances and alcohol recovery.

“We have dads, stepdads, co-dads, foster dads, dads in temporary accommodation, dads who have gone through stillbirth, IVF, men who want to be dads, men who don’t buy into the football and pub culture, and dads on six-figure salaries,” Dan says.

“But if we stick a sign outside saying, ‘come and talk’, we won’t get a single person through that door.”

Tyler – who left his job to become a health and wellbeing coach – runs 5am sea swim and beach sauna sessions for the dads.

“I challenge anyone to dive into the English Channel in winter and come out and not feel absolutely buzzing,” says Andy Ahmad-Walsh, 45, who joins the sessions.

“I’m a Scouser, from a tough city where people put on a brave face. There was a mentality of just suck it up and it’s been really hard to undo.

“It was an incredible ­experience going to my first Dad La Soul event. Someone asked how I was, and I let it all out. It’s an amazing safe space for blokes to sit, talk and be real. It makes talking about mental health all right.”

Jim Coulson, 45, takes part online from West Yorkshire. Even without ever meeting the other dads in person, he says it has been a lifeline. “I lost my job as a radio presenter a few weeks after my eldest was born,” he says. “I was panicking, thinking, how will we afford to live? I ended up getting an office job, but it came with guilt, I was away from the house, the baby and couldn’t help my wife.”

His kids are now 11 and seven.

“There’s a traditional attitude that men shouldn’t talk, like it’s weakness. When you become a dad your social circle shrinks. If you provide a situation where men are having fun in a relaxed environment, their kids are making new friends, dads will open up. Some people don’t want to chat and that’s OK, it is still nice to be part of a community. We’re like Byker Grove for dads.”

In England and Wales, suicide is the leading cause of death among men aged 20-34, and the suicide rate is three times higher for men than women. This summer, The Local Government Association said men’s mental and physical health should be “recognised as a national concern” and called for a men’s health strategy to match the one produced for women in 2022.

The Health Secretary appears to have been listening. “At Dad La Soul, we have seen for many years the long-term damage neglecting men’s health has had, not just on men but their families and wider communities,” Dan says. “Our genuinely innovative approach tackles these issues head-on – and it really does work, we have the impact reports to back it up.

“So, to Mr Streeting, I say, ‘I would love for you to visit one of our sessions. Let me introduce you to some of the guys whose voices never get heard, so you can see firsthand that thinking differently works – and how we build social lives that save lives’.”

Help:samaritans.org, or call free on 116123.

Support Dad La Soul: crowdfunder.co.uk/p/dad-la-soul—giveme5dad

Get in touch: dadlasoul.com/contact