AMANDA PLATELL: Kate taught Meghan the which means of sophistication this Christmas

They say a picture paints a thousand words and never has it been more true than in the case of the Christmas cards sent out by the Duchess of Sussex and the Princess of Wales.

Meghan and Harry’s official card from their company Archewell is a vainglorious display of no fewer than six images. 

Not just of her and hapless Harry, arms outstretched to their two children, but also of Meghan ‘doing a Diana’ hugging a child with long pigtails, with only the Duchess’s beatific face shining out.

Another is of her and Harry from their universally mocked, four-day ‘royal tour’ of Colombia, and then one of their quasi-royal trip to Nigeria.

On top of these, there’s a picture of Harry clasping the hand of a hospital bedridden woman, again with echoes of Diana.

What a contrast with the one image the Princess of Wales released for the Wales’s card, a snap taken from the poignant video she made earlier this year with her family in Norfolk when she revealed she had completed her chemotherapy and was ‘doing well’. It’s of Kate and William and the kids in their ‘safe place’, their getaway home in Norfolk.

Kate’s head is nestled against Charlotte’s, her arm’s stretched around George, and her hand tenderly placed on husband William’s knee as he cuddles little Louis. It’s a heart-melting family scene we can all identify with.

In many ways it shows the difference between the two sides of the family. As Harry and Meghan’s popularity in the US plummets – and Kate’s soars, even being nominated for Time magazine’s Person of the Year – everything they do is starting to have an air of desperation, of being forced.

In that one simple picture of our future Queen surrounded by her young family, Kate has taught Meghan a vital lesson: How to be classy at Christmas.

Surprising news that Peter Mandelson is to be the UK’s ambassador to the United States, as I can honestly say he is the most odious and duplicitous person I have ever met in politics. And in 40 years, I’ve met a lot of snakes. 

Ange’s soap opera

Ahead of her biopic Callas, in which she plays tortured opera singer Maria Callas, Angelina Jolie says she channelled her own loneliness and suffering: ‘When I’m up there crying, that’s my pain, that’s my grief.’ 

Ange fails to add the other thing she has in common with Callas — a predilection for affairs with other women’s husbands.

Poor Jennifer Aniston never stood a chance after she made a beeline for Brad.

Perhaps emboldened after supposedly convincing Andy-no-mates not to gatecrash the King’s Christmas party as he’d be as welcome as a can of novichok, Fergie reveals the late Queen was like a mother to her. 

‘I called her Mumma and I could call her any time of the day and night, she would take my call.’ Which is as ludicrous as it is unprovable, given the Queen’s no longer around to suggest recollections may vary.

Westminster wars

Five months in and Keir Starmer is rated the worst PM in modern history, his only consolation that Tory leader Kemi Badenoch’s popularity is also tanking, with only 13 per cent of voters thinking she looks like a PM in waiting. I’m surprised her approval rating is even that high.

First he targets pensioners with the winter fuel cut, which hits twice as many women as men, then he breaks his promise to the Waspi women. Starmer is becoming the most misogynistic and ageist PM ever.

With the economy flatlining, inflation soaring, unemployment rising, and surging numbers of illegal boat crossings, the Bank of England declares the Labour Budget is to blame. But let’s not forget the useful idiots who voted them in.

After driving at 100mph in a 30mph zone while high on laughing gas, and crashing his BMW 3 series into a tree, killing his three friends, Thomas Johnson, 19, is sentenced to nine years and four months. 

After this terrible tragedy, we have to ask why a 19-year-old Essex lad known as a ‘cocky teenager’ was allowed to drive such a powerful £40,000 car in the first place?

Friendly festivities

My Christmas will be a subdued affair this year. After I turned down various invitations, I’m spending it with my best friend Andrew.

The drill will be church, drinks, an M&S turkey dinner for two then the director’s cut of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy – with a nip of vodka as we reminisce about those who are now gone, including our parents. Then on to It’s A Wonderful Life, to remind ourselves that, actually, it is.

However you spend it, I wish you comfort and joy. And a happier New Year.

Not so handy, Keely

What a night for our Olympian Keely Hodgkinson as she was crowned BBC Sports Personality of the Year.

And what an outfit! Backless, almost frontless – and with two long lace sleeves extending from her neckline to her fingertips like long gloves.

Distracting, though. Because, as fab as Keely looked, all I could do was fret about how our heroine would be able to go to the loo or wash her hands.

After paying £5,300 in Istanbul for a boob job, tummy tuck, butt lift and liposuction, mum of five Jade Tyler, 31, complains UK doctors were reluctant to treat her after the ops went wrong. But why should NHS cash go on treating a woman of such vanity and stupidity? 

A survey says socks rate among the most unwanted presents. I disagree – I still cherish a pair of men’s extra-thick, extra-long merino wool socks given to me decades ago by my then fiancé. 

Appalling as the rapes of Gisele Pelicot were, I am uncomfortable with the narrative emerging that every male is capable of being a monster. That is simply not true and it would be a travesty if Gisele’s heroism brought back the 70s radical feminist mantra that ‘all men are rapists and that’s all they are’.

Good news for Jamie Oliver that his business is now thriving, after the collapse of his Italian restaurants in 2019 with debts of £83 million. Jamie and wife Jools paid themselves almost £7 million in dividends this year. Which for one creditor, still owed £50,000, leaves a nasty taste in the mouth. 

How low Huw goes

Paedophile Jac Davies, 25, who shared graphic images of child abuse with Huw Edwards, is spared jail after his lawyer argued that, since Edwards was not sent to prison, his client shouldn’t be either.

What a horrible denouement for the former face of the BBC to be cited in court as a legal precedent for convicted paedos to remain at large.

Much glee from Jennifer Lopez detractors as her new movie Unstoppable is universally panned and takes just £3,112 in its opening weekend. But why is J-Lo taking all the flak when then-husband Ben Affleck co-produced this dud, declaring: ‘Jennifer is spectacular.’? 

Macca’s still a real cracker

Rave reviews for Paul McCartney’s live tour, despite him being 82.

While the Rolling Stones and the Who continue to tour as bands, Paul is doing it solo, belting out 35 classics with a little help from his friend Ringo at this week’s gig. 

I’ve got a feeling after the success of this tour, that Paul still has many more hard day’s nights left in him.