Should you actually share your bed room fantasies with you companion? TRACEY COX shares tales of the way it’s gone horribly improper – and divulges get it proper

New research says sharing your sexual fantasies with your partner is a good idea.

A study of 287 people found of the 69 per cent who do share fantasies, 80 per cent had a positive experience.

Tempted to do the same? Not so fast.

There are reasons why only a small percentage of us tell our partners our darkest, dirtiest imaginings. 

Our fantasies tend to either involve other people or our current partners doing something they may not be happy doing.

The second reason is, contrary to popular belief, very few of us have any desire to act them out. 

One of the greatest myths about fantasies is that they’re suppressed wishes. They’re not. Most are conjured up purely for sexual entertainment.

Not everyone realises that, which is why confessing is risky – and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

You’ll find tips on how to share safely for those who dare to forge ahead but read these cautionary tales first.

A lot can go wrong – and frequently does.

‘HE HIRED A SEX WORKER TO HAVE SEX WITH US – WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST.’

Christine, 28, got a birthday surprise she hadn’t bargained for after sharing a lesbian fantasy with her then boyfriend.

‘My boyfriend wasn’t the guy who is always hassling his girlfriend for a threesome. 

‘He was a teacher and if anything, a bit dull. We had OK sex on a regular basis but nothing particularly creative or exciting.

‘One night, we were a bit drunk and about to have sex and I decided to tell him I had often fantasised about having a threesome with another woman. 

‘I often masturbate to lesbian porn but once I’ve climaxed, that all goes out the window and I go back to being my usual heterosexual self. 

‘Like lots of people, I had no desire to live out my fantasy in real life.

‘He looked a bit shocked initially and then asked lots of questions and we both got hot and bothered and the sex was great. 

‘It quickly became our ‘thing’: I’d describe what I thought would happen if we did have a threesome and we’d both get off on it. 

‘At no point did I ever express any interest in taking our roleplay through to reality.

‘He started acting odd about a month before my birthday. 

‘What colour hair did the girl have? What body type? How tall? But I just thought it was all part of the fun of roleplay. 

‘He kept saying he’d organised a birthday surprise that would make me “love him forever”. 

‘In retrospect, it’s obvious. But I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. A designer bag I’d wanted for ages but couldn’t afford was my guess.

‘On the day of my birthday, I was told to dress up and meet him at his place, then the “fun would begin”. 

‘I figured that meant we’d have champagne and then go to whatever restaurant he’d booked.

‘He was incredibly nervous. He kept looking at his phone and listening for the door. I then thought he’d organised for my sister, who lives overseas, to come over. He kept teasing me and saying, “You wait, you just wait”.

‘When he finally answered the door, he walked into the room with a woman I didn’t recognise.

‘She was young, blonde, with a high ponytail and dressed in a figure-hugging dress, stockings and heels. I knew instantly: she was a sex worker, and he’d hired her for us to have sex with.

‘I was so shocked I couldn’t speak. Not one part of me thought, “Hey, this is great! I can finally live out my fantasy”. I was furious with my boyfriend and embarrassed for her. 

‘He saw my face and looked astonished: he honestly thought this would be my dream come true.

‘I asked him to come into the kitchen and told him to get rid of her immediately – but make sure he paid her. This wasn’t her problem, it was his. 

‘He kept saying, “But you said you wanted this. I don’t understand”, over and over. That made me even angrier. He kept telling me to drink more and see how I felt then. 

‘I couldn’t believe he’d organised this without checking in with me first. Or that he wouldn’t accept defeat and ask her to go.

‘I don’t know whether he had sex with her on his own because I walked out and didn’t look back. I dumped him by text, blocked him on everything and never spoke to him again. What a stupid, typically male thing to do! 

‘The ironic thing is she now stars in my fantasies – ones I will never share with anyone ever again.’

‘HE TIED ME TO A CHAIR THEN LEFT ME THERE WHILE HE WENT TO THE PUB WITH HIS MATES’

Vicki, 23, was not amused when her boyfriend turned what was meant to be a sexy encounter into a practical joke.

‘I should have known not to share my fantasy with my (then) boyfriend because everything was a joke to him. He couldn’t take anything seriously – fun most of the time but not in the bedroom.

‘I’m a big fan of the “Fifty Shades of Grey” books and I’ve turned down the pages of the bits I like the most and read them when I’m masturbating with my vibrator.

‘I keep the book hidden but my boyfriend found it and very quickly figured out why the book opened naturally on certain pages. He asked if being tied up turned me on and I admitted it did. He said he’d love to try doing it to me and I agreed.

‘I was so excited when he came home with some bondage gear: the real deal as well. 

There’s nothing on our bed to tie me to, so he tied me to a chair instead. But instead of teasing me, Christian Grey style, he grinned and said, “I’m off to the pub!”.

‘I thought he was kidding but he wasn’t. He left me tied up for half an hour – and he told his mates what he’d done. 

‘It’s dangerous to do things like that and he made me look and feel stupid. I don’t think I have ever been angrier with anyone in my life. We broke up over it.’

‘THANK GOD I FOUND OUT YOU’RE A PERVERT BEFORE YOU GOT PREGNANT’

Holly, 37, shared a BDSM fantasy with her husband while drunk and blew up the marriage.

‘I’ve always been turned on by being tied up. 

An ex-boyfriend and I loved role-playing slave and master: we’d use blindfolds and fluffy handcuffs and have a great time playing together. I was in my early 20s when I did that.

‘Fast forward ten years or so and I’m married and trying to get pregnant. 

‘My husband was much older than me and there were issues with his sperm motility. 

‘We were pretty good together, otherwise. 

‘He was never going to set the world alight, but he was solid and decent and just what you need when your upbringing was chaotic.

‘Sex was OK. The usual format that long-term couples fall into: a few minutes of foreplay then intercourse where he would orgasm and I didn’t (though pretended I did). 

‘I had my orgasms solo by masturbating to BDSM videos on porn.

‘All was fine until one fateful day when we’d both had too much to drink and became a little too honest. 

‘He gave a rare insight into his past relationships by revealing one of his exes was “really kinky”. 

‘My instant reaction was, “Thank God! Maybe now we can be more adventurous”. I asked if he liked it and he smiled and said, “Very much”. I took this as permission to reveal that I liked a bit of kink, too. 

‘I told him I often masturbated to porn videos of women in dungeons being whipped and tied up and that I’d had many BDSM fantasies.

‘I expected him to be turned on by this and for both of us to have much better sex than we’d been having. Anyone who has ever tried for a baby knows how tedious and mechanical sex can become.

‘Much to my horror, he looked at me in utter amazement. “You do what?” he asked. I repeated it and he pushed me off him and got up from the bed. His face was a mix between disgust, repulsion and fury.

‘Turned out the “kinky girlfriend” had suggested they have sex outside. Once. Lesson one: never assume kinky means the same thing to different people. 

‘The next thing he said was, “Thank God I found out you were a pervert before you got pregnant”. The marriage was over in that instant, really – on both sides. No-one calls me a pervert for having totally normal fantasies.

‘This hasn’t stopped me sharing my fantasies. Quite the contrary – I share them early in the relationship now because they reveal who I am sexually. Unashamedly adventurous.’

• Listen to Tracey’s Podcast, SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey, wherever you listen to your podcasts. Her product ranges, Edge and Supersex, are sold exclusively through lovehoney.