If you are getting ghosted this might be why as relationship skilled reveals worst crimson flags
EXCLUSIVE: The dating world is a cold cruel place so to help people find their dream relationships the Daily Star asked a dating guru what the worst red flags were and how people could beat them
In the age of situationships, icks, never ending talking stages and people bearing more red flags than a Chinese communist party parade, the current dating scene can be a cold cruel place.
The Daily Star has sought the advice of the dating expert Vicki Pavitt, a dating guru, on how to navigate a dating world with filled with serial ghosters and bachelor and bachelorettes crazier than a sack full of cats.
Vicki notes that one of the leading causes of break ups are because people aren’t “intentional when they are dating”. An issue that destroys many couples is having “incompatible relationship goals” and while other red flags can be overcome, this is an issue that can rip most couples apart.
Vicki explained this issue in more detail and said: “So lets say one person really want to get married and have children and settle down and one of their values is family.
“And the other person really values having a kind of life all about travel – not settling down and having children.”
She highlights that in this instance there’s not just the incompatible goals but also incompatible values.
She stresses she doesn’t believe couples can get around such fundamental issues like these when there’s such a big clash of values and goals. She claims one person often has to sacrifice their big goal and “has to accept a life that they didn’t see themselves having”.
However, Vicki does note there are red flags that can be worked through such as unhealthy conflict skills like not being able to speak on issues when they come up, and not being available for difficult conversations.
Despite these red flags being problematic Vicki does affirm these things can be changed by things like relationship coaching and therapy. She points out that people can overcome red flags and said: “You can learn it if you’re willing too.”
‘Ghosting’ is a very common experience that many people have dealt with at some point in their dating lives. Being ghosted is confidence shattering and leaves many people confused, asking questions and searching for closure.
Nicki labels ghosting as a form of avoidance, she told the Star: “It’s a way of avoiding confrontation and avoid having an awkward chat.
“That is often about someone inability to have a healthy conversation and take responsibility for their feelings and action,” which leads people to ghost another person.
Vicki issued some very heartfelt advice to survivors of ghosting and said: “One that really helps is not to take it personally. 99% of the time it’s nothing to do with you.
“Number one, don’t take it personally. Number two, don’t obsess about closure.” She said you probably won’t get that closure from the person who ghosted you.
She strongly advises people who have suffered from being ghosted to give themselves their own closure and close the door on the ghoster because the other person “doesn’t deserve your time and energy”.
Vicki, who has more than a decade of experience in dating matters, has recently partnered with Generator and OkCupid to create an original speed dating experience to help. The event encourages participants to flaunt their red flags, in order to cultivate authentic and genuine connections.
This unique event took place in various Generator locations in Europe such as Paris, Berlin and Amsterdam as well as the brand’s US properties, offering travellers across the globe the chance to find love in a more refreshing way than an experience on a dating app.
This work is part of Generator’s mission to celebrate “three decades of connection”. Generator, a leading boutique and lifestyle accommodation brand, is taking things one step further by offering travellers not just unforgettable stays.
