How LinkedIn grew to become a hotbed of braggers, blaggers and romance scammers: CLAUDIA CONNELL
Most mornings I wake up to a chirpy, but faintly sinister-sounding email proclaiming: ‘Claudia, people are noticing you.’
For those with a profile of their own on LinkedIn, the networking platform where total strangers brag about their work achievements and try to ‘connect’ with you, this will be a familiar occurrence.
While it might sound exciting, all it really means is that some stranger has clicked on my profile. From what I can see (you have to pay to get a full list) the majority of people who browse my profile seem to be dodgy-looking men from overseas who, I suspect, are trying to suss out whether I’m worth scamming.
Other people rhapsodise about how LinkedIn boosted their income, helped them forge new work connections or was even how they met their partner (apparently it can be great for attracting dates, as well as the odd sleazy scammer).
Yet rather than feeling uplifted and empowered every time I log into my LinkedIn profile – which I wrote 15 years ago – I spend the entire time rolling my eyes and losing the will to live.
I suspect being a member of Generation X and not the most technically savvy person on the planet plays a part.
Those that seem to worship at the altar of LinkedIn are more likely to be Millennials and Generation Z, for whom the virtual world is often preferable to the real one. While the majority of LinkedIn users are aged 25 to 34, my age group (the over 55s) account for a lowly 3 per cent.
But I think the main reason that the site is less popular with older folk is that we’re far more cynical about the endless bragging and blagging about your achievements that’s part and parcel of the site.
Rather than feeling uplifted and empowered every time I log into my LinkedIn profile – which I wrote 15 years ago – I spend the entire time rolling my eyes and losing the will to live
It’s a bit like the online version of TV’s The Apprentice.
It doesn’t matter if you work part-time from your garden shed; in LinkedIn language that makes you a ‘an executive’.
Constantly uploading pictures of your lunch onto social media? Why, in LinkedIn land that makes you a ‘brand influencer’.
The toxic positivity is off the scale too. All the shiny, happy people paint a picture of having a 100 per cent job satisfaction rate, loving their colleagues and feeling fulfilled by their work.
I guess bitching about the annoying co-worker who eats boiled eggs at their desk or admitting you nick from the stationery cupboard isn’t in keeping with the LinkedIn spirit.
But far worse than any of that is the awful humblebragging, the posts dressed up as conveying humility and compassion but really just an opportunity to show off.
There are countless entrepreneurs detailing how they buy food for homeless people because, even though they now run a successful business and own four homes, they will never forget how important it is to give back and #bekind.
Looking at my account, I see that I have 405 ‘connections’. But scrolling through them, I have no idea who half of these people are – or why I accepted their requests in the first place. There are people in New Zealand, Zimbabwe, Bali and Iceland. Lauren is a ‘space perfection adviser’. Then there’s Milton, who is a ‘counterculture strategist’. You what? Both are now deleted.
The more you engage with others, the more your profile is boosted
Despite my cynicism, nobody could accuse me of not giving the website a fair chance.
A couple of years ago I paid to do an online training course aimed at helping old dinosaurs like me make LinkedIn work to our advantage. The trainer was brilliant, and very patient, but the more I learnt the more I died a little inside.
We were advised that video posts are the best way to attract attention and that, instead of having just a headshot, we should display a clickable video where we introduce ourselves. While this might be catnip to Gen Z, raised on a diet of TikTok videos, I cringe at the idea of making a self-promoting mini movie about how marvellous I am.
Engagement is also key with LinkedIn. The more you engage with others, the more your profile is boosted. This essentially means commenting on people’s tediously pretentious and indulgent posts. So when life coach Jasmine (who I’ve somehow connected with) uploads yet more drivel reminding people to ‘breathe’, I have to react as though she’s shared groundbreaking information.
I’m also constantly invited to congratulate people on their ‘work anniversaries’.
LinkedIn even suggests appropriate messages for such occasions. So should I want to congratulate Susan in accounts for being in the same dead-end job that she has hated for 16 years I could write: ‘Congratulations! Your commitment and passion for what you do is commendable’.
It’s not even any good for spying on ex-boyfriends or old bosses. Every time you have a good old nose at someone’s profile, it’s flagged up to them. Where’s the fun in that?
It was leading businesswoman Arianna Huffington who told women to ‘lean in’ if they want to get ahead.
But I’m afraid if that includes embracing LinkedIn, then I’m leaning so far out I’m in danger of doing my back in.
