Lesley’s stillborn daughter was whisked away by nurses and buried earlier than she may cuddle her. After a 40 yr search she lastly discovered her grave – as a nationwide scandal affecting 1000’s of moms involves mild

A grieving mother whose baby was stillborn has revealed her agonising four decade search to find her daughter’s grave after the infant was whisked away and buried in secret.

Lesley Elkins, 70, gave birth to her first child Rachael in February 1982 when she was just 27 years old.

Her pregnancy had been smooth and Lesley, from the Wirral, carried her infant to full-term – so it came as a devastating blow to learn her infant had not survived labour.

But, in a national scandal that has brought shame on hospital trusts in recent years, Lesley was robbed of the chance to spend time with, and even cuddle, her baby because she was whisked away by nurses and buried in an unknown location.

Lesley went on to have three more children who are now adults, but she never stopped thinking about Rachael and dedicated her life to finding her late daughter’s resting place.

Now, after four decades, Lesley has managed to track down Rachael’s grave with the help of a group of investigators on a Facebook group – and says she’s finally begun the process of ‘healing’ after visiting the site to mark what would have been Rachael’s 43rd birthday. 

She said: ‘I always felt like I was in limbo, and it wasn’t until I found Rachael’s grave that I finally started to grieve.

‘Knowing where she is, and being able to visit her, has brought me peace. 

‘I have a photo of me at the grave, that first day when I found her, and I treasure that because it was a healing moment.’

The practice of taking a stillborn baby away from their mother minutes after birth may seem cruel by today’s standards – but throughout the 60s and 70s (and even through to the 80s and 90s) it was common procedure at some UK hospital trusts. 

Mothers were rarely given time to grieve or even hold their child, who was quickly taken away and cremated or buried in unmarked mass graves.

The thinking behind the strategy was that allowing the mother to spend time with her stillborn infant would only prolong her pain – but in the decades that followed, grieving mothers were left in agony as they searched for answers about their missing stillborn children.

According to Sands, the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death charity, it wasn’t until the mid-1980s that parents of stillborn babies began to be consulted about funeral arrangements for their child. 

Prior to that, hospitals tended to organise funerals without consulting with parents. Babies were sometimes buried in shared graves and the majority of parents were not told what had happened to their child’s body. 

Recalling her traumatic birth and learning that Rachael had not survived labour, Lesley said: ‘It was such a shock. There was no sign at all of any problems during the pregnancy and me and my husband were so looking forward to becoming parents. 

‘In those days, there were no scans, and so I didn’t know whether I was having a boy or a girl. I hadn’t bought any clothes, but we’d ordered the pram. We couldn’t wait to meet our baby.

‘The labour seemed to go to plan but afterwards she was whisked away, and I was told she had failed to breathe and that it was just one of those things, that there were no obvious problems with her and no genetic faults. I was heartbroken.’

But Lesley’s agony was made worse when she tried to see her stillborn infant but was denied access to her.

‘I wanted to see her and I asked a nurse who told me it wasn’t possible,’ Lesley recalled. ‘I was sent home, and I never got to see her or cuddle her or say goodbye.

‘I was told she’d been buried and that I would never get to know where she was. That was how it was in those days.’

Lesley continued: ‘Doctors believed it was better for a mother not to see a stillborn child, because it would harm the recovery. We were advised to move on and have another baby as quickly as possible, as though the one I’d lost could be replaced.’

A year after Rachael’s death, Lesley gave birth again to her healthy baby son David, now 42. 

The mother-of-four recalled her ‘relief to hear him cry and to hold him in my arms’.

However it was a bittersweet moment for Lesley, who added: ‘All the memories of Rachael came flooding back and I missed her terribly.’

Lesley went on to have two more children, Emily, 40, and Phillip, 31.

She said: ‘I felt blessed with my family, and they all grew up knowing that they had a big sister. But I kept my sadness to myself because I’d been made to feel I shouldn’t share it or talk about Rachael. 

‘On her anniversary, my friends always remembered and as Emily got older, she asked lots of questions. I met my second husband, Mike, and he was supportive too.

‘But all through those years, I wondered where Rachael was. There was always a hole inside me and in many ways, I was stuck in that moment of losing her. 

‘I never grieved because I didn’t have answers. I could not come to terms with her death until I knew what had happened to her. 

‘I wanted to find her, but I just didn’t think it was possible, and I didn’t know where to start. I had accepted that was how things were and that we weren’t really supposed to talk about our babies and dwell on the past.

‘I had no record of Rachael ever existing; I hadn’t been given a stillbirth certificate. I didn’t know there was such a thing.’ 

In 2024, Lesley saw a news article about a support group, Gina’s Sleeping Babies Reunited, which helps families to locate still-born babies. 

Lesley got in touch and to her amazement, Rachael’s grave was located in just two weeks. 

Gina Jacobs, the founder, had herself suffered the loss of a stillborn son, Robert, in February 1969. After a 50-year search to locate his grave, she set up a group to help other families. 

Gina, 80, currently supports nearly 500 members and has so far located over 70 graves.

Lesley said: ‘I spoke to Gina and gave her my details and Rachael’s birthday. Gina told me to apply for the stillbirth certificate and she had a checklist of places to try, which included the local cemeteries, the hospitals, and the council. 

‘I didn’t hold out much hope to be honest, and I thought it might take years. But just two weeks later, me and Mike were on holiday when she called. 

‘She told me Rachael was in an unmarked grave in our local cemetery, just a few miles away from our home. It was, co-incidentally, the same cemetery where Gina’s son is buried.

‘The moment we arrived back off holiday I went immediately to Landican Cemetery in Woodchurch, Wirral. I was given a map of the unmarked graves, and it was a case of pacing out the directions, using other graves as reference. 

‘That first time I stood by Rachael’s grave was so emotional. It was overgrown and unloved but to find her at last was incredible. 

‘I have a photograph of that moment which I treasure because this was when my grieving process began.

‘Now Rachael has a plaque and flowers, and we visit her all the time. It would have been her birthday last month and the whole family was there.

‘This has been a healing journey, and I have finally found peace at last. I hope my story can bring hope and comfort to other families who may still be searching. Please don’t give up.’