I’m a millionaire however solely purchase meals from the grocery store with yellow stickers. My associates say I’m low cost… am I? VICKY REYNAL replies

Dear Vicky: I’m a millionaire on paper but buy food from a supermarket at the end of the day with yellow stickers. My friends say I’m cheap and don’t understand why I don’t want to live much more lavishly. Is there something wrong with me?

V.W., via email

Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal replies: When it comes to prioritising our spending, I don’t believe there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. As long as you are living within your means then choosing when to splurge and when to save should reflect what you value – whether that’s organic produce, new gadgets or building up your savings.

You tell me that you prefer shopping at discount supermarkets such as Aldi, and your preference to seek out budget brands or discounted food might simply mean you value financial control or dislike overpaying – and that can be a strength. But if you occasionally question your choices then it’s worth being curious about what’s driving them.

Is this frugality specific to food, or do you tend to spend the bare minimum across the board – on clothes, travel and hobbies or eating out?

If it is specific to food it might be worth understanding whether this is a conscious choice you are making (for example you don’t really value it enough to spend more on better quality, fresher or more exclusive food) or whether food has some kind of symbolic meaning in your mind. Try to tap into memories of food shopping when you were young. I have seen clients who had an impoverished childhood, who vividly remember their mother picking up a pack of meat or fish and putting it back down because of its price, and remember their parents having to leave items behind at the till because they didn’t have enough money.

Memories that are full of effect might still have a stronghold on us in the here and now. That’s why a part of you might go into ‘scarcity mode’ every time you enter a supermarket or might feel at some level a sense that you are being wasteful or irresponsible by spending anything above the bare minimum on food. As irrational as it may seem, it might feel fine to spend hundreds on a sofa or a watch because these objects don’t trigger the same memories that food shopping does.

If that’s the case, then reflect on why you might be seeking to spend the minimum – what could be driving the frugal part of you? For some it comes from growing up with parents that took pride in modesty and maybe even in deprivation. For others it’s about a humble background in which frugality was an important way of feeling more in control of finances. For others it’s about a deeper sense of not feeling deserving of ‘good things’, which means that they might feel guilty in response to any sort of indulgence (from a more expensive loaf of bread to a loving partner – any ‘goodness’ evokes feelings of guilt). There are those, too, who develop a controlling personality that needs to be ‘tight’ out of a fear that they could quickly spiral out of control – in this case into overspending and debt. Try to notice what feelings come up for you when you feel you have bagged a bargain. Is it a sense that you have outsmarted others? Does it feel like a sort of triumph?

However, frugality is not a bad thing – particularly if it’s measured and comes from a rational, rather than emotional, part of you. Have you weighed the pros and cons of your decision? Sometimes, spending a bit extra isn’t about waste – it’s about ease, pleasure, or even principles – such as supporting local producers or sustainable practices. The key is to ensure that your spending aligns with your values, rather than reacting to fear, habit, or social pressure. But ultimately, if you feel you have weighed up the trade-offs and still stand by your choice of shopping of at a cheaper supermarket, and in doing so, make space for other things you value more, then it’s not a flaw, but a sign of self-respect.

There is also a social layer: you tell me your friends shop in Waitrose. They may see Waitrose as a marker for success, in the same way someone might value a designer bag. Comedian Michael McIntyre got a chuckle out of me when he suggested that those who shop at Waitrose often find ways to mention it in conversation to not-so-subtly indicate their affluence and that, despite selling similar products to other supermarkets, Waitrose charges higher prices so customers ‘can feel better about themselves’. While funny, there’s truth in the idea that spending can be symbolic.

So, rather than thinking about what’s right or wrong, think about what it is that you value and what trade-offs you are making. If you sometimes envy your friend’s more exotic options that you can’t find at Aldi then why not mix and match – and go to one supermarket for your basic shop and buy a few nice things at the more expensive local deli, for example, because you like them and would enjoy them. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

• Do you have a question for Vicky? Email [email protected] Vicky Reynal’s book, Money On Your Mind, is out now in paperback with Bonnier Books, £10.99