‘I’m torn between my two attractive lovers – they may struggle to see who will get me’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is being flattered and pursued by two, equally gorgeous, guys
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Both are brilliant in bed
I’m torn between two hunky lovers.
Both swear they’re in love with me. Both have offered me jewellery, money and somewhere great to live but I can’t choose between them. I enjoy a night of passion with one guy and decide that he’s ‘the one’. Then, the next day, I’m ravished by his horny rival, and my brain goes into overdrive all over again. I’m not boasting but I feel as though I’m being pulled apart. They know about each other and are in fierce competition for my affections. More than once the eldest of the two (one is 35 and the other is 30) has suggested a bare-chested fist fight to settle the matter once and for all – and I don’t think he’s joking…
My problem is that each guy brings something different to the party. The older guy is blokey, street smart and good at fixing anything from cars to broken boilers.
The younger guy is clever, witty and more artistic. He doesn’t know one end of a screwdriver from another, but he calls me his ‘sex kitten’ and makes me laugh like no other.
Amazingly they are both brilliant in bed; they’re both inventive and interested in making me scream. I can honestly say they are neck-and-neck.
I met them when I was heavily into online dating. Other guys came and went but these two stuck around and now I can’t pick a side. I’m in a constant state of unease and guilt. I was single for years before this all kicked off – no one wanted to know me. Why does life have to be so complicated?
JANE SAYS: Have you considered the reason you can’t choose is because neither guy is right for you? I’m inclined to think that you’re still looking for ‘the one’. The truth is that your life is as complicated as you make it. You are allowed to step away from this circus any time you choose. Be honest – are you getting off on the attention? Is it like a drug to you?
Give yourself a break from this situation. Tell each guy that you need some time on your own to think. Determine to ignore their calls and work out the kind of future you’d like for yourself. Arrange to meet family members and close friends. Go for some long walks, have a swim and clear your mind. Talk this situation through with people who care but be careful not to become a bore…
You need to be mindful of the feelings of others.
I’m sure that both of these guys are decent people, but it could be that their competitiveness has become more about their desire to win, and their egos, than your happiness. The reality is that plenty of men and women have several lovers in the go at one time. You bedding two men on a regular basis is hardly revolutionary.
One word you don’t mention at all is ‘love’. Are you in love with either of them or is this just one, big laugh?
Are they happy to carry on in this toxic triangle or are they pushing for a decision and commitment? I suggest it’s time for you to sober up and grow up…
Festive cheat
Christmas at my sister-in-law’s place is always amazing, huge tree, great food and expertly wrapped gifts. I’ve always felt like the poor relation in comparison. I’d never doubted that everything was all her own work. Now my aunt has burst the bubble by hissing that my sister-in-law has never lifted a finger in her life. Everything we see at Christmas is done by professional decorators and cooks. She buys in Christmas lock, stock and barrel. I’ve spent years believing I was useless. I’ve allowed her to laugh at my attempts at entertaining. I feel ridiculous. How did I not see that she’s been cheating all along?
JANE SAYS: I suggest you sit back, enjoy the delicious food and drink provided and thank your sister-in-law for hosting you. So what if she cheats? I suspect we all cut corners to a certain extend. If your aunt is to be trusted, and has her facts straight, you now know that your sister-in-law exaggerates and has a loose relationship with the truth. You cannot allow her to bring you down again. Be ready for her the next time she dares to turn her nose up at your flat cakes or wonky Christmas tree. At least you try and make a real effort. Leave her in no doubt that you are grateful for her hospitality but won’t be intimidated or disrespected again.
Angry mum has no filter
My mum recently moved back to the UK after living in the States for ten years. Her American partner dumped her for a younger woman and she’s angry – and taking her frustrations out on me.
Every time I see her, she makes a derogatory remark about my appearance. She tuts that I’ve put on weight or tells me that my hair looks terrible. She gleefully points out the nasty spot on my chin and ‘helpfully’ suggests I buy better clothes. We used to be so close but now I dread being in her company. Why can’t she see how much she upsets me?
JANE SAYS: Could this be your mother’s clumsy or even desperate attempt to grab your attention or invoke a reaction?
If she’s feeling isolated and rejected after a very difficult break-up then saying something, anything, makes her believe she’s still relevant and important.
Level with her; tell her that life is tough enough without her dragging you down. Maybe she does feel that she has your best interests at heart but chipping away at your confidence doesn’t help. Insist on a fresh start with a new understanding of boundaries and respect. How can you help her to make new connections, take up new interests and move on?
I’m no gold digger
My boyfriend’s family are demanding I sign a prenup before our May 2026 wedding. They are wealthy. I am not. I’m angry that they’re casting me in the role of ‘gold digger’. I’m not interested in their wealth or screwing my guy down the line. I love him and simply want to marry him. How dare they insult me?
JANE SAYS: There’s no denying that prenups are becoming more common in this country. I suggest you speak to your own family plus seek independent advice. Don’t sign anything you’re not sure about. Keep talking to your guy and trust your instincts. If you begin to feel that his folks are moving against you, then consider that a warning. What does he think about this idea of theirs?
