‘My woman is wild in mattress however I fear she’s a stalker who won’t ever let me go’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who has been spooked by a chance conversation with a new colleague
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She’ll do anything in bed
Am I facing Christmas with an obsessive stalker?
There’s no denying that my girl worships the ground I walk on. She’ll do anything for me, both in bed and out of it. I only have to mention a naughty new position I’ve heard of and we’re doing it. Sometimes when we’re in bed together after sex, she pins me to the mattress and goes on about how much she loves me. Tears spring from her eyes as she howls that I’m her world. It’s intense but I hadn’t thought of questioning her devotion until recently. Last month I went to a drink’s reception at my new job.
One of the women revealed that my girl was in her class at school. She said my girl developed a crush on me at 17. I had no idea as we didn’t start dating until we were 21. She said that my girl first spotted me in the local park playing football.
From then on, I was all she ever spoke about to the point of infatuation. Apparently, she drew pictures of me. She stalked me, hung around outside my childhood home and told everyone that she planned to seduce and marry me. I had absolutely no idea.
As far as I’m concerned, she and I hooked up after a chance meeting at a party. Was it all planned? Did she have me in her sights all along? Suddenly I’m looking at my girl in a whole new light. Am I living with an obsessed fan? What might happen if I dared to break up with her? To be honest, I’ve very happy, but who knows what the future might bring…
JANE SAYS: I urge you to take a breath and count your blessings. Who was this spiteful woman at the party? How dare she stir things up to make your girl look ridiculous? What’s her problem? Did she speak up out of jealousy, nastiness or hatred?
Surely, it’s the life you’re leading today, with a wonderful partner who cares about you and loves you, that matters. I urge you to go home and give your girl a big hug. The fact is that many of us were awkward teens. We developed crushes and struggled with confidence issues and boundaries. I’m sure plenty of us look back and wince at the stupid things we did and the crass things we said. So, your girlfriend fancied you ‘back in the day’? So what? I’m sure you fancied plenty of different people yourself around the same time. Her hormones were racing as much as yours.
As long as your girlfriend is loving, kind and supportive today, then that’s all that matters. Stalking, obsession and infatuation are very strong, loaded words. Don’t throw away everything you have on the say-so of someone you’ve only just met and who could have a hidden agenda. Maybe she’s even jealous of you at work and determined to blind-side you.
Go back to your girl and vow to cherish your relationship. If you now feel she’s too intense or demanding, then speak to her about that away from the bedroom.
Leave her in no doubt that it’s a grown-up, mutually respectful relationship you crave – and expect to enjoy.
Surrogate mummy
I’m having fantastic sex with a much younger guy. He’s 25 to my 38. He’s fit and hot and so virile. We frequently go all night. I thought he liked me for myself and have been buying sexy undies and bragging to my friends about our ‘deep emotional connection’ and physical connection. Recently, however he cut me to the core by announcing that he likes being with me because I remind him of his late mum. I’ve seen a couple of pics of his mum and let’s just say, that I’m not flattered.
Now I feel like such an idiot. I daren’t tell my friends the truth because they’ll never let me live it down. What’s my next move?
JANE SAYS: If your boyfriend’s late mother was a strong, accomplished woman, then, I suspect he was complimenting you. Why give up on an enjoyable relationship? Why do you need to tell your friends anything. I bet they’re more envious than you can possibly imagine. Ride this wave, hold your head high and enjoy the moment while it lasts. You’re entitled to love and companionship; as long and you and your guy are kind and mutually respectful, then this time is yours. What is he thinking? Does he see you as a long-term prospect or is this simply a fling? Establish your relationship rules so you know where you stand.
Mistletoe and whine
I’m never eaten a single meal at my son and daughter-in-law’s place. It doesn’t matter when I visit; I’m only offered a glass of water.
I’ve just moved in around the corner from them and it’s a quick walk to their door. Yet, more than once my son has said: “You’ll have go now mum, it’s getting dark”. Yet they never hold back when they come to me for Sunday roasts and holiday dinners. They’ve already told me they’re coming here for five days over Christmas, and I’m expected to provide everything.
How is this fair?
JANE SAYS: Get in now and give your son a list of all goodies and bottles he and his wife can bring this Christmas. They also need to be prepared to lay the table, cook and wash up. No arguments.
As for the future. Offer to contribute a dish the next time you visit them so that things are equal. Sadly, if they can’t be bothered to lay an extra place – or even put the kettle on, then explain how hurt you frequently feel. Being dismissed after your ‘allocated time’ is insulting. Keep hosting them for as long as you can afford to – and enjoy it. But don’t get taken for granted.
Happy families
I haven’t told my oldest friend that I’m spending Christmas Day with my Mum – because she’s jealous of our relationship. My friend doesn’t speak to her own parents and resents me spending any time with my family. She loves to proclaim that we’re ‘proud independent women’. She’ll also hit the roof when she finds out I’m away until the New Year. Help.
JANE SAYS: If your friend is expecting to spend the festive season with you, then you’d better tell her that you won’t be around. Would your mum be happy to host her too or is she too tricky to deal with? Your friend must hear that you will not apologise for having a private life. Does she need to build bridges with her own family or speak to her GP?
