‘Horny married lover needs to return over for soiled New Years romp – he is testing me’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who doesn’t like the way her manipulative lover makes unreasonable demands
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He’s a hard task master
My married lover wants to come here, to my house for dirty sex on New Year’s Day. He says it’s important that we connect on a physical and spiritual level at the beginning of the new year. He’ll tell his wife that he’s going for a ride on his bike and nip over here.
The problem is that I’ll have my friends and family staying over after my annual New Year’s Eve party.
What am I supposed to tell them when a strange man turns up at my house, and we go up to the bedroom together? Our relationship is a secret. He is putting me under a huge amount of strain but says I have to find a way to prove my love and commitment to him if he’s to leave his wife and family for me next March as we’ve discussed.
What can I say?
JANE SAYS: You don’t have to prove anything. I get the feeling that your married lover is attempting to control and embarrass you. Insist he concentrates on his family at this time while you concentrate on yours. Get tough and leave him in no doubt that no one puts you to the test.
Basically, his arrogant attitude stinks. If grubby sex is the glue holding you together, then start to realise your own worth.
Remember that intimacy will be just as good – or even better – with someone who is single and free. I get the impression that this jerk gets off on pulling your strings and making outrageous demands. Don’t allow him to get under your skin.
Wasted years
Sex with my new partner is fantastic. He’s imaginative and fun and I’m enjoying new positions and experiences, such as sex toys and role playing.
I know I shouldn’t look back, but I can’t help but feel bitter about all the wasted years I spent with my ex-husband who was unimaginative and lazy in the bedroom. He wants us to remain friends, but he short changed me. He’s with someone new. Is she getting the best of him?
Why didn’t he make more of an effort when we were an item?
JANE SAYS: It’s possible that the sexual chemistry wasn’t there; that you and your ex-husband simply didn’t ‘click’ between the covers. It takes two to tango, maybe you could have played a more pro-active role?
There’s nothing to be gained from bitterness or recriminations. Accept his friendship and be thankful that you’re finally getting the kind of sexual attention you crave and deserve.
If he’s happy with his new partner and you’re loved and cherished with yours, then it’s the future that matters now. What’s very important, is that you continue to keep things fresh and interesting.
Mum will hit the roof
Is it terrible to admit that I prefer my dad’s new partner to my own mother? My mum is a notoriously down beat, glass half-empty kind of person – especially at this time of year. If she can find the negative in any situation, then she will. In contrast my new ‘step mum’ is energetic and fun. We’re more like sisters. But my Mum would be furious to discover that we enjoy a secret and special bond.
JANE SAYS: There’s room in your life – and your heart – for both women. Your parents parted and now your father has gone on to love again. You’re allowed to be honest; you don’t have to justify yourself. If your mother is a complex individual, then strive to support and understand her as much as you can.
Would she benefit from professional counselling? Don’t keep secrets or feel guilty for embracing the person your father adores. Feeling torn is only natural but you’re a fully grown woman and entitled to make your own decisions.
