‘I’m not as sizzling or attractive as his former lovers – I really feel like a dried up husk’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who screams inside every time her man gushes about the life he enjoyed before he met her
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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Rose tinted specs
We call my partner “Mr. Memory Man”. According to him everything was better in the past. Christmas was more magical, food was tastier and people were nicer. He’s particularly challenging at this time of year when he waxes lyrical about the happier festive feasts he enjoyed with his late mum, dad and nan. Our kids roll their eyes when he complains that today’s telly is rubbish, even though most of it is repeats. Sometimes he’ll have a drink and start talking about all the wonderful women he dated as a younger man. A wistful look comes over his face as he remembers his saucy first love; his college sweetheart and the wonderful women he met while travelling in his twenties.
He makes me feel about as valued and attractive as last year’s socks. I’ve had a tough year. My health hasn’t been good and dealing with my elderly parents is hard.
Having to endure my partner’s inability to live in the moment is beginning to bring me down. He is alive for goodness’ sake! He is healthy, solvent and loved. We have so much to be grateful for.
I frequently get the impression that he feels let down by me; that meeting me was the beginning of the end for him because everything was so much better in ‘his prime’. Back then he was super fit, popular and going places. Okay, so maybe we’re no longer in the first flush of youth, but our life is good. I’m fully aware that I’m by no means the love of his life; that honour falls to his whip-smart ex-girlfriend who left him for a C list celebrity, but I’m a realist and can live with that. I’m settled and content, why can’t he be too?
JANE SAYS: Your bloke sounds like a self-indulgent bore. Pull yourself up to your full height and remind him that he insults you each time he takes a trip down memory lane. Of course, he’s entitled to look back fondly at the highlights, but constantly living in the past is unhealthy – and rude. What about the person standing before him? What about the individual who loves, supports, and cherishes him every day of the year?
That’s you, by the way. Don’t you count for anything? Take the trouble to talk to him about how you feel. Explain that you refuse to be branded second best. His best years are by no means behind him, we can still be fit and popular at any age.
Can he be encouraged to check himself before he speaks in future? Should he be encouraged to speak to a health professional if he really can’t live in the moment and count his blessings? Make it clear that you’re up to your eyeballs with his nostalgia trips and it can’t go on. You’ve clearly had a tough time in 2025. It’s vital that you are aware of your limits and take care of yourself. Does your man pull his weight in the home? If not, why not? Ask other friends, neighbours and family members to support you with caring for your parents. Your mental and physical health are vitally important.
They don’t approve
My new husband’s family don’t approve of my job – and want me to give it up. He and I married in September. Both of his parents and his uncle have told me that my job (in the entertainment industry) doesn’t fit with their image or standards. They’re quite wealthy and my husband maintains my ‘paltry’ income isn’t needed.
But I like my role and none of this was mentioned before we wed. I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I pay my way, exercise my brain, and bring joy to others. How dare they attempt to shut me down?
JANE SAYS: What else do your husband and his family have a problem with? Are your folks good enough? Are your oldest friends going to be allowed to stick around?
There’s no denying that life changes after a wedding as a couple embrace togetherness and compromise, but if he’s determined to turn you into a trophy wife, then is that you? How will you thrive if you’re not being challenged and don’t feel you’re being true to yourself? Don’t rush into anything. Give yourself time to think.
Your husband needs to hear that you are your own person and won’t be pushed around. If that’s a problem for him, then you and he must talk some more…
Never allow anyone to crush or embarrass you. He knew what he was signing up to.
New Year, new rules
My husband is a builder. He’s a very talented man who can tackle most projects. He’s just announced that he’s turning over a new leaf in the New Year. He’s not going to do any more ‘favours’ or jobs for free. He’s told me to instruct friends and neighbours not to contact him unless they’re prepared to pay his going rate. This is very awkward. I have an old friend who regularly asks for jobs to be done around her property – for free. I get it that she’s on a limited budget but that’s mostly because she gives money to her lazy son. How do I begin to tell her ‘no’ when she sulks if I don’t do as she asks?
JANE SAYS: Your overwhelmed husband is fully entitled to say ‘enough’. He must start the New Year as he means to go on. He’s clearly a generous man who likes helping others but he has reached his limit. Your entitled friend needs to hear that it’s all change. She’ll have to make other arrangements. Are you inclined to be honest with her about the influence her son has over her? Surely her cash must be for her security and her future.
Rise above
My friend can’t stand the woman her son is planning to marry. The bride-to-be is a nightmare. She keeps demanding money and being horrible to everyone. My friend is so angry that she’s planning to upstage her by wearing a sexy, white dress and huge hat. How do I persuade my pal to be the bigger person?
JANE SAYS: If your friend is angry with her son and future daughter-in-law, then they all need to get around a table and talk. Turning up in a revealing, white outfit will not only upstage the bride but leave a lot of the guests feeling uncomfortable.
Get tough with your friend and explain that this is not the way forward. Support her in buying something appropriate and give tips on dealing with her son in future.
