All my husband desires for Christmas is for me to do one factor… in mattress. DEAR JANE, it is so excessive – I’m unsure I can observe via

Dear Jane,

The holidays this year are incredibly stressful for me. I just got laid off from my job, and, as a result, I had no idea how I could possibly afford a Christmas present for my husband.

I was afraid he would be disappointed when I told him about my financial situation, but instead he offered a solution that, honestly, has me conflicted.

You see, he said that what he wanted for Christmas wasn’t something money could buy.

The best thing I could give him, he insisted, was in the bedroom.

He admitted that he’d been harboring a secret fantasy that, frankly, is too explicit to write. It isn’t your typical kinky request – it’s something much more extreme.

I was slightly disturbed by the fact he had been hiding it from me, and I think he could sense my hesitation because he insisted that all his friends’ wives do this act, too.

Perhaps I’m prudish, but I would never have considered doing this if he hadn’t brought it up. 

Still, I’m conflicted about agreeing. He says it’s the only thing he wants as a gift because it would make him so happy – and I don’t want to disappoint him.

Should I just try it for his sake, or tell him no and kill his holiday spirit?

Sincerely,

Bedroom Scrooge

International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column

Dear Bedroom Scrooge,

I don’t know what could be so much more extreme than typical kinky requests, but anything deemed ‘non-vanilla’ – or anything that falls outside the boundaries of ‘normal’ sex and falls into ‘kink’ territory – always requires mutual consent.

You say you’re hesitating. Is this something you’re even remotely curious about? Or is it something that you absolutely do not want to do?

It’s hard to answer this question for you until you answer these questions for yourself.

All relationships involve compromise, and long-term married sex can indeed become deathly dull after a while. 

Playfulness and experimentation can go a long way in keeping an intimate life alive, and there is nothing wrong with one partner suggesting a way of keeping things alive.

And, there is nothing wrong with trying something that hasn’t occurred to you before, particularly if it’s something that your husband is into. 

It is concerning, though that your husband says this is the only thing he wants and the only way to make him happy. That sounds like emotional blackmail, which is not healthy in any relationship. 

However, if you have any curiosity, or want to see if it might turn you on as well, by all means try it – but only if you want to, not because you feel that he will be devastated if you say no. 

That’s the real dealbreaker here. 

If the sheer thought of it fills you with horror, then it probably isn’t something you should do.