I’ve been on 103 cruises world wide as a journey knowledgeable with very excessive requirements. These are those you must decide, every part you could know, my insider ideas and precisely which cabin to guide, says CAROLINE HENDRIE

In more than 25 years as a travel writer specialising in cruising, I have sailed on scores of ships, from giant resort ones to superyachts. I’ve been pursued by sea lions snorkelling in the Galápagos Islands, surprised by a bear in Alaska, and danced with one of The Drifters on the choppy Bay of Biscay. 

Cruising has taken me all over the world and taught me a thing or two about life on board. Here are eight lessons I’ve learnt.

Decide what floats your boat

I love the romance of the golden era of sea travel. So, lucky me, my first cruise was aboard the classic ship Crystal Harmony, spacious but not huge, with delicious food but not too much, and a teak promenade deck.

If, on land, you enjoy resort holidays, then a good choice for you would be a big ship with lots of pools and entertainment. Prefer getting off the beaten track? An expedition ship can take you where other means of transport can’t. 

Alternatively, if you like cities, look for port-intensive itineraries to wake up somewhere new every day. Celebrating a big birthday with friends? A lively, no-fly mini-cruise is a great way to get everyone together. 

Tell a specialist cruise agent, such as Mundy Cruising, Iglu Cruise or Hays Travel exactly what kind of thing you like so they can advise and often get you free perks and discounts, too.

Never take a cabin at the front of the ship

For me, the best cabin on a ship is close to its centre – halfway up and halfway along. It’s the most stable place to be when the weather gets frisky. I once had a cabin right at the front and it was like being on a rollercoaster riding up and down each wave as we crossed the notoriously turbulent Bay of Biscay. 

On big ships, where the restaurants are all at the stern and the theatre at the bow, a cabin equidistant from both sets of lifts is handier when I need to go back for my specs. Seasoned cruisers know all this, so booking promptly is a must. 

If you are less fussy, many cruise lines offer savings if you let them assign your cabin. As for a balcony – is it worth paying extra for? It is to me, to let in fresh air and check for whales on the horizon.

Book the spa well before boarding

On my first cruise I strolled into the spa and casually asked for a two-hour seaweed wrap and salt scrub. Not a hope.

Book online in advance or head straight to the spa on embarkation. Alternatively, check the daily programme deals on port days when most people are ashore and the spa is quiet.

Say no to the drinks package – unless you can down five cocktails in one sitting

On most cruises, unlike food, drinks are not included in the fare. If you wish, you can buy a bolt-on package (starting around £50 per person per day on Princess or Celebrity Cruises, for example) and these offer almost unlimited drinks on board. However, for me, I’d never get good value from a drinks package. With the average cocktail costing £10, I’d have to down at least five of them every evening, or five glasses of wine or eight beers. And no, you can’t buy one drinks package and share it with your companion.

If free-flowing drinks are important to you, another way to avoid a hefty bar bill is to choose an all-inclusive cruise with luxury lines such as Explora Journeys, Seabourn, Crystal Cruises and Silversea, or more affordable Marella Cruises.

Make sure to be back on board in good time

I recommend exploring ashore independently by foot, taxi and public transport, or with a local guide found online. Tours sold on board are overpriced and often superficial – but at least if their coach is late back, the ship will wait. We once cut it so fine returning from a brewery tour in Antwerp that we had to be hauled onboard by sailors along a gangplank, seconds before the ship sailed.

Plan as if your luggage will never arrive

It was only a two-hour flight to Copenhagen, where my cruise was starting. However, as I checked my bag in at Heathrow, little did I know I wouldn’t see it again until the evening of the fifth day of my one-week cruise. While my suitcase was doing its own tour of Europe (via Istanbul, said the AirTag), I wasted time that I could have spent in a waterside bar, shopping for underwear in a department store.

I now take two changes of day clothes, underwear, something nice for the evening, sandals, swimsuit and pashmina in my hand luggage, every trip. Even on a no-fly cruise departing from Southampton it can take hours for your luggage to reach your cabin.

Be smart when navigating the menu

My top tip for menu browsing in enormous main dining rooms, whose busy chefs cannot make every dish to order, is go for soups and casserole dishes. Boeuf bourguignon and coq au vin, which benefit from being made in advance, are cruise treats for me. A mistake I’ll never repeat is ordering the sole meunière, which came out curly and dry. Now I save fish for barbecue night on deck.

Antisocial? Reluctant to try something new? Cruises might not be for you…

Boredom at sea is a more common fear for the cruise uninitiated than seasickness. The truth is, there is almost too much choice on the daily programme for those willing to embrace new experiences. Learn the Macarena! Listen to a lecture on the Cold War by a former ambassador to Moscow! Join a choir! And, if you love dressing up, cruise lines still hold gala nights so you can bring out your sequins. Yay!

MY VERY BEST TRIPS

For the Highlands and Islands: Country-house style 

Hosting just 48 well-heeled passengers (including the late Queen twice), the Hebridean Princess feels like a floating country house hotel. With gourmet food, luxe cabins and pre-dinner fizz, you’d never know it started life as a car ferry. hebridean.co.uk

For the Northern Lights: A Norwegian coastal voyage

During winter, sail from the fjords deep into the Arctic Circle for multiple chances to see the Aurora Borealis, be it from the ship’s glass-roofed observation lounge or on-deck hot tub, or perhaps from the tundra on a husky sled. havilavoyages.com

For touring without tears: Circumnavigate Corsica

The mountain and coast roads that get choked in summer make exploring this island by car hell. That’s why I chose one of the weekly round-trip voyages from Nice aboard La Belle Des Océans, which calls at five towns around the coast. croisieurope.co.uk

For reliving the golden age of sea travel: Transatlantic to New York

Waking up to the Statue of Liberty at the end of a week’s leisurely crossing is a heart-in-mouth moment (book a cabin on the port side to see her from your balcony). Queen Mary 2, the world’s only true ocean liner, exudes glamour and keeps up the tradition of formal black-tie dinners. cunard.com

For being away with the pharaohs: The Nile

The ancient Egyptians may not have built temples and tombs on the banks of the Nile for holidaymakers, but a cruise is the most relaxing way to experience them. vikingrivercruises.co.uk