‘Girlfriend jumps me for intercourse and tells me to climb aboard however I do know she needs a child’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who struggles to fight off his broody partner
She wants more than he’s willing to give (stock)(Image: Getty Images)
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Stairway to Heaven
My girlfriend keeps jumping on me for fast sex. I get in from work and she’s naked on the stairs urging me to ‘climb onboard’. I come out of the shower, and she whisks the towel away and start rubbing herself up against me. I should feel flattered, but I don’t.
She wants a baby and I’m not interested. She thinks she can win me round. She jokes about sticking a pin in a condom or ‘forgetting’ to take The Pill. I tell her that I don’t appreciate being used and she snorts she’s just joking, but how can I trust her? I just want some fun, but sex has become a dangerous dance with me terrified that I’m going to be tricked into parenthood and lifelong commitment.
JANE SAYS: Explain to your persistent girl that it’s not sustainable to carry on like this. She’s as broody as you’re determined not to be a father. Neither of you is right nor wrong, but you’re clearly wrong for each other.
She needs to find someone who shares the same dreams and aims, while you are entitled to please yourself. Sadly, if you don’t feel you can trust her, then the sex must end here. You cannot be intimate with her again. Having a baby is an important decision. A child needs to be wanted and provided for. There’s nothing cheeky about tricking you into fatherhood.
He gets shirty
My boyfriend is furious that I have a fantastic job.
I earn twice his salary, run a large team and have a company car. He knows that my days are stressful and full on. But that doesn’t stop him from ringing me with stupid problems until I pick up. I’ve explained that I’m often in back-to-back meetings with no-nonsense bosses and demanding clients. My phone is on silent for a reason. Chatting throughout the day isn’t an option for me. Sometimes I nip to the canteen to buy a sandwich and there are 20 missed calls from him.
Recently I was stuck in an important conference, and he managed to get through to me on the office line via my boss’s secretary. I was so embarrassed. He’d told her that it was an emergency but all he wanted to ask was where I’d put his favourite blue shirt. I explained that it was in the wash and he accused me of being disorganised…
I like being in a relationship because it’s good to have someone to come home to at night but how do I get him to calm down and accept that I am a very important person?
The other problem is that because I’m such a highflyer in the boardroom, he insists on being the boss in the bedroom. He calls the shots regarding sexual positions, kinky games and how often we bonk. I don’t feel I have the power to say ‘No, thanks’ or ‘I’m too tired’ because he feels emasculated and undermined by my money and power. I don’t always enjoy playing his games and dancing to his tune. How do I make our relationship more equal and respectful when he’s got such a massive chip on his shoulder?
JANE SAYS: You’re flying high at the moment, but it could be, that in a short space of time, your guy matches you in terms of earnings and responsibility.
That’s how life tends to go. One minute we’re up, the next we’re down. You’re in an equal partnership and he should be celebrating your success and supporting you, not making you feel guilty for climbing the greasy pole. Pick your moment, perhaps on a calm Saturday morning, and level with him. Explain that you love him but don’t like the way he conducts himself. Lots of people have jobs where personal phone calls are prohibited. Twenty calls in quick succession smacks of small mindedness, jealousy and coercive behaviour. He crossed a line the day he broke through and tricked you into picking up. That wasn’t about him being worried about his missing shirt, it was about reminding you not to get too big for your boots.
If this guy can’t be told ‘no’ – in bed and out of it – then you have a problem. Your bedroom shouldn’t be a battleground because that’s unhealthy and unequal. What about love, consideration and individual sexual needs? Call a truce; promise to establish more of a work/life balance and to ring-fence relationship time. But do not allow him to push you around and disrespect you if you’re beginning to feel he’s actually not a very nice person… Is he right for you?
Pity party
What do I do about my ex-sister-in-law who continues to drag me down? She and my brother divorced years ago. He’s now living abroad. I’ve kept in touch with his ex-wife, out of pity because I feel ashamed of the way he treated her. Yet she has an emotional hold over me.
She still expects to be invited to every family meal and party I organise, even though she and my brother never had children together. She texts me every day and expects me to reply no matter what I’m doing. Any time I fail to respond, she cries and sulks until I give in.
JANE SAYS: It’s unfortunate that your ex-sister-in-law is still angry with your family, but she can’t continue to make you ‘pay’. It’s not your job to apologise for your brother’s past behaviour. He was married to the woman, not you.
It’s wonderful that you’re still prepared to keep an eye on her, but you can’t allow her to control and embarrass you. If she’s not your friend, then what is her role in your life? Does she need professional help regarding her mental health? Talk to her and explain that you can’t go on being manipulated. What is she thinking and what are her plans regarding moving on?
The silent treatment
Should I be worried that my boyfriend hasn’t spoken to his folks in years? He fell out with them over money. I’d like to meet his mum and dad. I’ve said that he should build bridges, but he isn’t interested. I’m confused when I’m so close to my own family.
JANE SAYS: It’s possible that he simply prefers to move forwards.
Can you take him as you find him, or are you worried that something else might have gone on that he’s not being honest about? Tell him that he can trust you if there is anything that needs airing. Was he abused or let down? Keep talking but know when to back off if he’s really not interested in opening up.
