‘I am unable to face relationship once more however my frisky buddy is placing me to disgrace’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a bruised Daily Star reader who can’t see herself getting naked with a man ever again

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Ex would rather be alone

My ex-partner walked out on me last summer. I didn’t see it coming. We returned from a lovely fortnight in Greece – where we’d laughed, drunk and had passionate sex every day – and he announced that he no longer loved me. He said that he’d prefer to be alone.

He said it was him not me and packed his bags. He’s now living on his own in a tiny one-bedroom flat. Our divorce is in progress, and his sister has assured me that he’s not dating and there’s no one else. It hurts that he’d rather be alone.

Coincidentally, my best friend split from her partner around the same time. She discovered that he was sleeping with another woman when she unpacked his bag after he’d been on a ‘business trip’. She discovered black panties and a bra, and a jumbo box of condoms nestled in amongst his dirty underpants. She confronted him and he confessed to a long running affair.

He moved out virtually straight away, and into the arms of his lover. Unlike me, my mate has bounced back and is dating again. She’s hooking up with horny guys from dating apps several times a week. She boasts of having the best sex ever. Despite going through a horrible split, she’s never looked better. Me? I’m still on my knees. I can’t move on. The idea of dating again fills me with horror. It’s been over six months since my man, and I split yet I’m still hollow and raw inside.

How come my mate has shrugged off the past while I’m still frozen?

JANE SAYS: You are not in competition with your friend and there is no rush to move on. Unfortunately, your relationship with your husband hit the rocks on your return from your holiday. For, whatever reason, he has decided that he no longer wishes to be married to you.

The divorced is going ahead and you’re still reeling, which is perfectly understandable. You must remember that you and your friend are very different people in very different circumstances.

Perhaps splitting from her partner has been a blessed relief. Perhaps they fell out of love a very long time ago and she now feels nothing but a sense of release. I’d urge you to stop trying to second guess your estranged husband. If mediation or reconciliation aren’t an option, then accept that.

He’s told you that he’d rather be on his own, so try and respect his thinking without bitterness or hurt. It could be that your friend is angry with her ex-partner and is running on adrenaline. Perhaps she’ll calm down and take stock in the not too distant future.

Take your time in getting back on your feet because there really is rush; if you can’t do it alone, then draw strength from friends, relatives or even professionals. Stop looking over your shoulder and take each day at a time. Sadly, you and your ex weren’t destined to go the distance. That’s very unfortunate but always remember that he never defined you.

Argy bargy

Can I stay with a man who must always come first – both in bed and out of it?

My guy boasts of being competitive but that’s an understatement. He literally pushes me out of the way for the best spot on the sofa. After a long car journey, he must beat me to the bathroom as a matter of principle. I’m finding this immaturity increasingly insulting. Recently a friend witnessed him barging in front of a crowd of older women waiting at a bar to be served.

She turned to me and said: “How can you stand to put up with him?” In bed, it’s always his pleasure that matters.

JANE SAYS: I suspect you’ve allowed your man to get away with too much during your time together, but now you’re finally seeing him for what he is – a self-entitled brat. Can he be told that his pushiness isn’t funny?

Can he be encouraged to change? Ask him to start respecting your position. Could he count to ten any time he’s tempted to employ his bully boy tactics? If he can’t, then have you and he gone as far as you can go?

I worry that he is only going to continue to frustrate and annoy you. You need to remember that your sexual satisfaction is just as important as his. How dare he shortchange you in the bedroom just because he’s entitled.

Smooth operator

My man and I are in conflict over my bodily hair.

He likes it – I don’t. I have regular all-over waxes because smooth skin makes me feel sexy.

I spent a fortune ensuring that everything from my armpits to my bikini line are hair free.

He complains that I look more like a Barbie doll than a real woman. He’d like every follicle to grow free, but I fear I’d end up looking like a gorilla. Not sexy.

Our bedroom has become a battleground with him accusing me of selfishness and overriding his wishes. Who is right?

JANE SAYS: Surely you decide what feels comfortable for your own body. It’s your self-esteem and comfort that matters.

Talk to him in a calm and adult fashion and explain that you don’t wish for this matter to come between you.

Removing your pubic hair is a personal grooming choice. Visiting a beauty salon on a regular basis is an expensive business and clearly something you budget for and prioritise. If you can stand the pain and the faff, then it’s your call. Tell him that sex will be much better without this conflict and stress. Is this a relationship breaker as far as he is concerned? Is he deliberately picking a fight?

Crushed by shame

Do future boyfriends need to hear about my shameful dating past? I’m recovering from a coercive relationship. For years I allowed my ex to control me. Before that I dated a couple of bad boys who weren’t much better.

I now feel ready to date again – proper grown-up guys this time – but am embarrassed by my foolish choices.

JANE SAYS: Your personal history is your business. You’re not obliged to tell anyone your story. Very sadly, you were involved with some unpleasant characters as a younger person, but it’s the future that matters now.

You’re entitled to start afresh. Learn from any obvious errors and move on. We all make mistakes and I can guarantee that anyone you meet in the future will have gone through their fair share of heartbreak and humiliation too.