Revealed: The 36 questions that may make you fall in love with ANYONE inside 45 minutes

Love at first sight might not always work like it does in the rom–coms, but scientists say that love in the first 45 minutes might be more realistic.

According to psychologists, tackling 36 simple questions over three–quarters of an hour is enough to deepen your connection with anyone and maybe even fall in love.

The principle comes from a set of psychological tools developed in the 1990s to create a sense of closeness between total strangers.

Simply sit across from your partner and take turns asking and answering 36 questions arranged into three sets (scroll down for the full list).

As you go along, the questions become increasingly personal, and the answers become more revealing.

The game begins with relatively banal queries such as: ‘What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?’

But, 45 minutes later, you will be asking your partner deeply probing questions like: ‘When did you last cry in front of another person?’

According to Professor Viren Swami, an expert on the psychology of love from Anglia Ruskin University, this process should bring you a deep sense of emotional connection.

Scientists say that asking and answering 36 questions in just 45 minutes could be enough to start a deep emotional bond with someone (stock image)

The 36 questions were developed by American psychologist Arthur Aron because he wanted a way to fast–track closeness between strangers in the laboratory.

Although it might sound deceptively simple, research has shown that following these questions is enough to make people like each other.

Professor Swami, writing in The Conversation, says: ‘The main mechanism that helps build closeness in the 36 questions is reciprocal disclosure. 

‘This is when sharing intimate information about oneself prompts the other person to share similarly intimate information about themselves.’

This is a really important part of relationship development because, when people engage in reciprocal disclosure, they show that they are willing to be responsive and share their vulnerabilities. 

When we hear someone share something honest and meaningful, it encourages us to share something equally meaningful in response. 

‘In turn, this process helps to build mutual trust and liking, leading to greater feelings of closeness and intimacy,’ says Professor Swami.

By rapidly increasing how personal those questions and responses are, two people can essentially skip through the normally slow process of bonding.

It is this artificially accelerated reciprocal sharing that makes the 36 questions, otherwise known as the ‘fast friends procedure’, such an effective way to become close with someone. 

In the original American studies, researchers found that participants who completed the questions reported feeling closer to each other than those who had just engaged in small talk.

Likewise, a 2021 study found that answering the 36 questions made people feel a greater liking for their partners, believe their partners to be more responsive, and have more fun while talking to them.

However, the 36 questions still aren’t necessarily a guaranteed recipe for instant love.

Professor Swami says: ‘The fast friends procedure does not produce feelings of loyalty, dependence or commitment between strangers – key ingredients for love. 

‘The procedure also does [not] necessarily produce respect for the other person, which takes time to develop, nor does it produce feelings of passion, romance and physical and sexual attraction.’

But that doesn’t mean that the 36 questions are totally useless in a romantic context.

Not only does it give a new relationship an emotional headstart, but it can also help to deepen an existing relationship.

For existing couples, studies show that answering the questions with another couple can help increase feelings of ‘passionate love’ for existing partners (stock image)

In ‘double date’ trials, where existing couples go through the questions with a couple they haven’t met yet, participants not only felt closer to both the strangers and each other.

One 2014 study found that couples reported feeling greater levels of ‘passionate love’ for their partners after the trial. 

This suggests that it could help existing couples rekindle their spark, even if it won’t necessarily make a stranger fall in love with you in the first place. 

In fact, the ‘fast friends procedure’ can be used deepen and improve all sorts of relationships.

Studies have shown that the questions can be adapted to parents and children, with the questions leading to kids feeling ‘more loved’.