‘I’m bonking my ex, her mum and her mate – it ought to be enjoyable however I’m shattered’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who finds himself at the mercy of three demanding lovers

View Image

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Torn between hot lovers

When I was dating my ex, her mum and her friend used to make it clear that they fancied me too. They’d chat me up when my girl wasn’t looking.

I used to joke along, but when my ex and I broke up I took her mum out on a date. Things got steamy and we ended up in bed. A few days later the sexy friend came to see me, and we got it on too.

My ex knows nothing of this, but now she’s sending me dirty messages saying that she’d like to see me again. We’re having on-line sex although we haven’t met up in real time.

I’m embarrassed. I think I still like my ex, but what will she say when she finds out I’ve been messing around with older women behind her back?

JANE SAYS: From the miffed mother and her horny friend to your innocent ex-girlfriend, this four-way love fest has got disaster written all over it. Come clean with all three women you’re in communication with. Explain that everything has got way too complicated and you need to move on.

Stop stringing everyone along and start being true to yourself. Your ex-girlfriend needs to have it pointed out to her that you and she broke up for a reason and that there can be no going back.

Cash is her weapon of choice

My childish partner spends money to punish me. Any time we have a row (which is very often these days) she goes straight out and smashes the credit card for all it’s worth. Recently I dared to treat my mother to a gold bracelet for her birthday.

My partner was so jealous that she hit the shops and got herself three identical pieces – and they weren’t even on sale. Two days later I found them flung on the bedroom floor. I must conclude that she’s a very immature individual. A few weeks ago, the people next door lost power. They had no heat or hot water.

I rushed in and gave them a stack of blankets, clothes and socks. Instead of being charitable or concerned, my partner ranted that I’d given away all the best stuff. That evening she got on the Internet and deliberately ordered up £400 worth of goods by way of replacement. When I dared to suggest that she was going way over the top, she bit my head off.

Basically, we’re broke but she won’t stop spending. I keep begging her to rein it in, but she takes no notice. All she says is: “Serves you right for being such an idiot”. What more can I do to get through to her? I’m so angry and exasperated that I can’t even stand having her near me in bed. I can’t imagine ever wanting to have sex with her again. Our relationship is in free fall. All love and respect has gone out of the window – and it’s her fault.

JANE SAYS: Your partner sounds a very provocative woman who is hell-bent on revenge. Hurt or upset her once and she’ll retaliate the best way she knows how – in the wallet. I agree that her behaviour is incredibly childish. Your relationship isn’t a competition; it’s not all about getting one over on you and making you pay. I understand that you’re angry and frustrated right now. But playing the blame game isn’t going to solve anything. You and your partner must sit down again and go through this matter once more.

T his time, make sure that you have all your bank and credit card statements, and bills to hand. Show her everything. Leave her in no doubt regarding your financial position. Explain what comes in and what goes out and insist that she starts taking responsibility for her spending. This is real and there’s no point in her burying her head in the sand, because life just got tough.

If her problem is that she simply can’t stop spending, because she has an obsessive compulsion to do so, then she must be encouraged to speak to her GP for help. The fact is that all relationship go through difficult phases. Of course you’re annoyed with her right now, but if you work together, you may come through this. Check out the National Debtline www.nationaldebtline.co.uk for budgeting support and debt advice. Sadly, if you and she can’t make up, then you’ll have to find the strength to part before she destroys you both emotionally and financially.

Barred from contact

Just before Christmas I met a fantastic girl in a bar. We shared an amazing night together and exchanged phone numbers. She explained that she was jetting off abroad to see family but would see me in the New Year. Now she’s back and we’ve hardly spoken.

She’s ignoring my calls. What do I do next?

JANE SAYS: Disappointing as this is, I think you need to resign yourself to the fact that you and this girl had one, amazing night together and now she has other fish to fry.

If she’s been abroad with family since your last meeting, then a lot could have happened to her in that time.

Chalk this one up to experience and don’t take her rejection to heart. Get back out there and make new friends.