‘Cheap married lover books grotty £50 resort room, bonks me for an hour then runs off’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who hates the way her lover makes her pay for grotty hotel rooms

View Image

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Lust on the clock

My cheap lover books hotel rooms by the hour. He’s found a place in town that charges £50 for sixty minutes.

We rock up there after the pub and pay in cash for a basic room and sink. More than once, I’ve paid.

What gets me is that he springs up after we’ve bonked twice and announces, “I’ve got to go” and runs off without me. I’m left exiting, alone, like an idiot. I realise that he’s married and can’t afford to get caught, but a little more respect would be nice. Am I asking for too much?

JANE SAYS: Sadly, you’re getting just as much as your lover thinks you’re worth. For a mere £50 he can get 55 minutes of extra marital sex before returning home to his cosy idyll.

Why should he change a single thing about this tawdry arrangement when it suits him so well?

You must look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that this needs to end. Yes, lots of people do have secret affairs, but if you’re no longer enjoying your time with your married man; if he’s started to bring you down, then it’s time to wrap up this tawdry affair and move along. You deserve so much better.

My responsibility

My boyfriend loves sex but won’t take any responsibility for contraception.

Neither of us want children, but it’s always down to me to ensure that I’ve taken my Pill or (if I’ve been ill) have got my cap in. Then I must check that I’ve got plenty of spermicide in (to kill the sperm) and, basically, all responsibility is on my shoulders, which I don’t think is fair. Do you? He already has two teenage kids he doesn’t see from ex-partners, but even that doesn’t convince him to wear a condom or even consider a vasectomy. He’s quite macho and claims that contraception is a ‘woman’s problem’. I struggle to respect this view and call him a cave man, but he doesn’t care.

A little while ago we went visit his relatives and ended up staying overnight because we both drank too much. We were put up in a spare bedroom and, of course he expected sex. I was anxious, because I’d had food poisoning a few days previously and was worried about my Pill failing. I managed to get a couple of condoms from his cousin, but my fella wouldn’t even open the foil.

We took a chance and had unprotected sex, and I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I finally got my period. It was a close shave and not one I wish to repeat.

He’s quite a lot older than me (38 to my 26) and says that if I don’t like the situation, then I can find myself someone new. Besides, there’s always the morning after pill if it all goes wrong. I’ve told him that the morning after pill is only supposed to be for emergencies, but he reckons that the girls he works with take it all the time. I don’t understand how he can stand to be so stubborn. Surely if we’re in a relationship then he should be willing to meet me halfway – at least some of the time. Do you agree?

JANE SAYS: I urge you to have a long, hard think about the whole nature of this relationship, because I’m not convinced that this man has your best interests at heart or makes you happy.

The trouble is that he has form. He’s already left two women with children to bring up on their own. Do you really want to be a third?

What concerns me is his head-in-the-sand inflexibility.

If he were more mature and willing to meet you halfway, then you could talk about your feelings and your fears and try and reach a compromise. As it is he’s totally unbending, even in unusual circumstances, like that stop over after the family party. The morning after pill was never designed to be used instead of condoms, the pill, the cap or any other type of regular contraception. This is a form of ‘emergency’ contraception and, as the word suggests, it’s to be used in cases of emergency, when a condom has split or one has forgotten to take the regular pill. Regularly popping emergency contraceptive can lead to sickness and heavy bleeding, plus a messed up menstrual cycle. The women he works with may well take this tablet regularly, but that’s got nothing to do with you. You are not them. You are an individual and you must do whatever is best for your mental, physical and sexual health.

In a world of her own

I spent a lot of money taking my newish girlfriend to a Canary Island at the beginning of the year.

Yet despite a lovely hotel and decent weather, she wasn’t impressed by anything. She didn’t want to sit on the beach, go for walks or have sex. On three occasions I tried to seduce her but found myself rebuffed.

She spent most of the seven days on our hotel balcony playing with her phone. Any time I asked her to accompany me to a restaurant she said she’d prefer room service. I ended up spending a fortune on someone who wasn’t grateful or the slightest bit excited to be away. I now feel bitterly disappointed. I thought we could make a go of things as a couple, but are we even suited?

JANE SAYS: You must trust your instincts and accept that your friend was bored on your holiday. Despite beautiful surroundings, she wasn’t interested in leaving the room and one must wonder what was so interesting on her phone. Was scrolling through social media or messaging her mates preferable to taking in her surroundings or chatting to you?

If she was perfectly well, yet preferred to retreat into her own shell, then wasn’t very considerate of your expectations or your feelings. Pick yourself up; accept that you need to move on and do so – without her.

Serious rival

My mum is in competition with me. It’s fine when it’s just us two; but whenever we’re in company, she cruelly puts me down. She’s always been a glamorous woman, and my friends believe that she’s jealous and feels threatened by me. How could this be true when I don’t have a penny to my name?

JANE SAYS: You’ve got more than money can buy – you’ve got youth, energy and your whole life stretching out in front of you. Clearly you now make your mother feel her age, she’s no longer the most attractive woman in the house and that stings. Talk to her; tell her that you’re not a threat and that you don’t like the way she behaves. Nip this silliness in the bud before it comes between you.