‘Girlfriend retains dishonest on me – she says she’s a intercourse addict however I’m unsure’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who doesn’t understand what makes his horny girl tick

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Law unto herself

My girlfriend claims she’s a sex addict who can’t control her urges. She cheats on me every time my back is turned. I cannot trust her and regularly feel humiliated and small. I accuse her of being selfish and cruel. She says I’m ignorant of her condition.

I’m just back from working abroad. The other morning my neighbour asked if he could have a word with me. He complained that my girl hosted noisy parties in our flat almost every other night while I was away.

Apparently drunken girls were running up and down the corridor and he caught a couple having sex up against his front door. He felt I should know that he regularly saw guys swagger out of our home at all hours of the day and night and that a couple of them seemed to have their own keys…

Naturally I’ve confronted my girl and warned her that I know everything. She swings wildly between crying and apologising; to being ultra defensive and claiming everything is my fault. Anything bad she does rests at my door for leaving her for long periods and not being a good enough partner. Apparently, I should know that a sex addict like her needs action all the time. What do I expect her to do when I’m off ‘gallivanting’ (or working as I call it) all over the place?

Nothing feels real anymore. It’s like I’m in a bad dream. I don’t have anyone to confide in because all of my friends and family hate my girl and refuse to have anything to do with me while I’m still with her. Help.

JANE SAYS: Wake up and face reality. Surely if virtually everyone you know is warning you about your girlfriend, then doesn’t that tell you something? I can’t believe that you’re right and they’re all wrong. The fact is that we all do stupid things from time-to-time. But it sounds as if your girlfriend does monumental things every time. If she really is addicted to sex and has a worrying condition, then what is she doing about it? What help is she seeking via her GP? You and she can check out this subject at Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, www.slaauk.org.

She needs to hear that you are seriously struggling to cope. Your home should be a safe place of calm and privacy. Just how many strange men and women marched through your front door (and your bed) during your recent absence?

Does she think it’s fair that you’re humiliated by a neighbour complaining about her flings? Ask her to see things from your point of view. How would she feel if she came home to find you ripping the place apart?

If you still love her, then offer to support and help her. If you don’t, then get your stuff and make plans to move on. I worry that the longer you stick around the more your mental and sexual health will suffer.

I fear that she has no love and no respect for you.

Let down again

My brother can’t do anything for himself. He relies on me to organise his whole life. We’re supposed to be going to Australia to visit our older sister in September. Only I’m doing all the work. Now my brother has announced that he doesn’t have any cash or credit, so he wants me to sub him too. I’m just sick of this. The problem is that our sister is having a hard time with her husband and job and desperately wants to see us. She’ll be devastated if I rock up alone.

I sometimes wonder if he’s deliberately ineffectual so that he never has to do anything for himself. What’s the solution?

JANE SAYS: You are not responsible for your brother’s life. He is no longer a child. Doesn’t he realise how immature and maddening he is being? Does he care about seeing your sister? You cannot fall victim to emotional blackmail. I suspect your sister knows exactly what he’s like and would love to see you with or without him.

I suggest you sit him down and offer to go through his finances. If he really can’t raise the funds he needs for this trip, then give advice, but do not give or lend anything you can’t afford to lose. It’s disappointing that he’s such a mess, but how is he ever going to learn when you keep facilitating him.

Get stuffed

My Mum has always been a bitter person.

She was delighted when my ex-husband ran off with a younger woman. Now she’s furious that I’ve found love again. I’ve fallen for a wonderful ex-colleague who treats me like a queen. My Mum is jealous. She doesn’t like me having a life of my own. My lover is kind and passionate and makes me feel young again. We’re making love like teens and it’s fantastic. I’m sorely tempted to tell my Mum to get stuffed.

JANE SAYS: If your childish mother has always been used to getting her own way, then I’m not surprised that she’s seriously miffed right now. But the fact is that she doesn’t run your life and she has no right to spoil your happiness. Tell her that she’s in danger of hacking you off. Warn her that you don’t want to hear any more negativity because you’re having fun and being loved.

If she’s jealous, then she needs to get over herself. Tell her that she’s your mother and you love her, but you don’t like her current behaviour. If you’re to continue having a decent relationship, then she needs to start buttoning her lip and giving you some space.

It’s a steal

I think my son’s girlfriend is stealing from us. She stays here for a few days, then goes back to her flat. But when she leaves, she seems to have more bags than she arrived with. I’ve noticed that we’re frequently short of everything from toilet rolls and tea bags to tins of food.

What can I say?

JANE SAYS: Tell your son that you trust his girlfriend to respect your property. Don’t be tempted to accuse her of theft if you have no hard proof. Are you tempted to lay a trap – i.e. count tins and toilet rolls before and after her visits? The reality is that you can’t have anyone in your home whom you don’t believe in 100 per cent. Is this current in-and-out arrangement, working for you?