‘Husband bonked mistress whereas I slurped oysters with dinner friends downstairs’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who can’t believe that her hubby had sex with his mistress right over her head

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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

The last dinner party

My husband took me to his mistress’s house and bonked her while I ate oysters with her other dinner guests.

How can I ever forgive him for humiliating me?

It all happened last month when he announced that we had been invited to a dinner party. He explained that the hostess, was a high-ranking colleague he was keen to impress. We arrived, had drinks and everything seemed cool.

During the dinner, however, she claimed that there was a problem with the toilet and asked my husband to help her to fix it. He’s now confessed that they went up and had frantic sex on her four poster bed.

Far from being simply a colleague this was his mistress. While I was downstairs making polite conversation with her friends, they were upstairs going at it hammer and tong. I had no idea that he was even having an affair.

Now he says the relationship is over and he feels so much better for getting everything off his chest. But what about my feelings?

JANE SAYS: Presumably your husband has confessed to this episode in an effort to wipe the slate clean and press on with your marriage. But he can’t simply toss an explosive admission like this into the mix and not expect you to react and feel hurt.

Who was this woman? How long were they together? And why did he get together with her in the first place? He must assure you that you can trust him in future.

He obviously thought he was being wildly clever that night, but he needs to hear that if he wants your relationship to recover, then he has a huge amount of explaining, apologising and making up to do.

Lazy oaf

My partner is lazy in everyday life and even lazier in bed. He thinks foreplay is a waste of time and that kisses, cuddle and kind words are sissy. His idea of getting me in the mood involves a nod to the bedroom and a tube of lubricant. The older I get the more I yearn for real affection and passion.

I listen to the younger girls at work talking about their thrilling sexual experiences and could weep. Is it unreasonable of me to expect a better time?

JANE SAYS: Life is short and we only get one shot at it. Why shouldn’t you feel loved, cherished and sexually fulfilled? I think you need to talk to your partner away from the bedroom and emphasis how serious this matter is for you. Is he willing to go back to basics so that you can both change the way you operate?

Start by showing each other affection in everyday life with kind deeds, smiles and gratitude. However, if he simply isn’t interested in pleasing you or meeting you halfway, then could you do better for yourself? Would you and he be happier apart? Look at the whole picture and think it through.

Diving for pearls

I have an overwhelming urge to do something crazy and fear I could be losing my grip. Every day I think about walking out of my job, leaving my hometown and taking off around the world. I fantasise about climbing a mountain or diving for pearls.

I can hardly concentrate on my work for imagining myself owning a motorbike or getting heavily tattooed. My wife knows nothing of any of this and would be devastated to hear that I’m so unsettled. Am I weird?

JANE SAYS: I suspect your wife often thinks about throwing everything up in the air and storming off too. The rat race can take its toll. You and she need to talk. Be honest; explain that you’re unsettled and have itchy feet. Should you plan some trips?

Set yourselves some fresh challenges? Or move to a different place? Work with your wife in making this next chapter of your lives fulfilling and worthwhile. Make time for exercise, healthy living, sex and passion too.