‘Donald Trump and Keir Starmer’s particular relationship is on the rocks, and that is form of OK’
Donald Trump is very, very disappointed in Keir Starmer. The ‘special relationship’ is having a trial separation. But is that actually…kind of OK?
This is not Winston Churchill we’re dealing with(Image: Getty Images)
Donald Trump is very, very disappointed in Keir Starmer. The ‘special relationship’ is having a trial separation. But is that actually…kind of OK?
This week, the transatlantic counterparts finally had that Love Actually moment they’ve been hurtling towards.
We all knew at some point there would be something up with which we would not put. And like Hugh Grant having a pop at Billy Bob Thornton for sexually harassing Martine McCutcheon, Starmer said ‘enough.’
Except this time, for once in Donald Trump’s life, it wasn’t about sexual harassment. It was about him launching an illegal war on a middle-eastern country. And unlike the last Republican president who did that, he can’t even blame it on his dad.
So Starmer, who never met an article of international law he didn’t like, said no, you can’t fly indiscriminate bombing raids out of Gloucestershire. Neither can you take off from Diego Garcia, because even though we’re trying our best not to own the Chagos Islands any more, you still need our permission to launch.
Neither will we join in with the bombing raids, Starmer said, pointedly noting that the UK had “learned the lessons from Iraq”, and that we wouldn’t be party to “regime change from the skies”.
We are, though, kind of ok with the US launching “defensive” strikes against Iran’s missile systems, and as I write this a fine selection of B2 Bombers are limbering up at RAF Fairford, ready to rain down misery on those missiles.
Of course, even though Trump eventually got almost everything he wanted, he was dreadfully affronted by being made to wait.
“This is not Winston Churchill we’re dealing with,” he moaned in the Oval Office, referring to Starmer. And even though you can’t imagine a guy like Keir Starmer ever imagining he’d be held up as a Churchillian figure, surely that’s a stinging blow for any resident of Number 10.
If I was in Starmer’s shoes, I might have been tempted to fire back: “Neither are we dealing with Abraham Lincoln.” But Trump considers Lincoln to be a bang average President compared to him, so such a jibe would have slid off him.
Instead, Starmer, at a Thursday press conference, assured the nation that everything was fine. Mummy and Daddy are just having a bit of time apart, but they still love you and everything will be back to normal before you know it. The special relationship, Starmer stressed, was still on, because our guys are still being cordial to each other and cooperating behind the scenes.
Which is a relief, because Starmer also admitted he hadn’t actually spoken to Trump since last Saturday.
Some people on the right have criticised Starmer for dithering. And there are certainly some elements of our response to Trump’s aimless conflict that are a bit more Frank Spencer than Winston Churchill.
I’m thinking of course, of announcing we were all set to send HMS Dragon to look after Cyprus, only to admit that even if the Royal Navy got a proper wriggle on, it would be several days before the Bond killing* warship to be ready for launch.
I’m also thinking about someone in the Government looking at the tasteless hype videos the White House has been putting out, cutting bombing footage with clips from Call of Duty, and thinking ‘oh, we could do that’, only to soundtrack our version with Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing.”
But honestly, Keir Starmer has got the big thing right. History is not going to be kind to Trump for what he’s done this week. The more distance Starmer can put between him and the current, illegal-warmongering version of Donald Trump, the better history will treat him**. After all, much as it feels like he’s been President forever, one day Donald Trump will be gone, and there’s still a chance America will be a normal country again.
* If you’re wondering where you recognise HMS Dragon from, it’s because it played a fairly major role in the last James Bond movie, No Time To Die.
** Probably still not Churchill though. Sorry, Keir.
