‘I like bonking blokes in automobiles and parks however my household say I’m an embarassment’
JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who is sick of her family making judgements and telling her what to do
She likes a lot of sex and her relatives need to get over it (stock)(Image: Getty Images/iStockphoto)
If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.
Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Tone it down
I embarrass my family with my wild lifestyle.
I’m a free spirit; I love taking risks and having sex with strangers. I’m 30 and I’ve tried conventional relationships. Boring. I can’t stand guys telling me to what to do. I can’t think of anything worse than being tied down to one person.
My folks keep nagging me to find a partner and settle down. They call me an embarrassment and a disgrace. They claim that my lifestyle is out of control and that I’m in danger of burning out. My last partner drove me insane for eleven, tedious months. He was possessive, insecure and mean. Now I’m a free agent again after dumping him by text. I can do what I like and sleep with whomever I chose.
From hook-up apps and dating websites to old-fashioned pick-up joints, nothing thrills me more than spotting someone I fancy and dragging him back to mine. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy risky sex in cars, down alleys, in parks and on beaches too – because I really do.
Just recently I’ve had married men, toy boys, freaks, weirdoes and normals and I’ve lapped up every one of them. Finally, I’m taking life by the throat.
I look fitter and sexier too. People are saying that I’ve got an amazing glow and energy about me – and I put that down to the great sex I’m having. But the price I pay is constant grief from my old-fashioned, interfering family. Of course, they don’t know the half of what I get up to, but they can’t stand that I’m a single woman with a high sex drive and the ability to attract dishy blokes.
I’ve just had the most monumental row with my older sister who called me a slut and an embarrassment. How do I make everyone understand that I just don’t care?
JANE SAYS: I’m sure that your family do irritate the life out of you with their judgements and comments, but surely you must admit that they love you and have your best interests at heart. You are precious and vulnerable.
Who likes to imagine anyone in the family careering around, with a host of different sexual partners?
What about the danger to your physical, emotional and sexual health? You say that you don’t tell them everything about your private life, but what if someone else does? What if a worried sibling, cousin or trusted mate is filling in the details behind your back?
I just ask you to be careful, because it sounds as if you’re getting carried away with yourself and hurtling out of control. Yes, risky sex can be exciting and raw but you’re not invincible.
Be the bigger person; level with your sister and make up. Then explain to her that you’re not interested in a conventional life but do understand and take on board her concerns. Reassure her that you’re an individual and won’t regret your alternative lifestyle decisions later on. Make sure that you’re practicing safe sex (i.e. always using a condom) and know exactly what you’re doing. You can always speak to your GP if you ever feel lost, overwhelmed or suffer from self-loathing…
Mixed messages
One of my managers picks on me. He moans at me for the slightest thing. Several of my work colleagues have commented on his behaviour. Recently he blasted me for something that wasn’t my fault.
The girl who sits next to me butted in and put him straight, but I didn’t get anything like an apology.
The other night a few of us went to the pub and someone suggested that he might fancy me. Well, he’s got a funny way of showing it. I don’t desire him in the slightest.
JANE SAYS: This a very unprofessional way to behave in the workplace, but these things do happen. Your colleagues could be right; perhaps this man gets flustered around you and reacts by being doubly harsh. If you don’t feel that he is someone you can ask to speak to privately, then I urge you to contact your HR department or speak to a representative from your union. No one is going to brand you a troublemaker for posing the question: “Why me?” The fact is that not everyone likes everyone else. Maybe he’s a man under pressure or someone who (mistakenly) feels that the stick is better than the carrot.
Remember that you can always call ACAS on 0300 123 1100 for advice. It might also be a good idea to keep a diary of everything that goes on.
Not impressed
Last week I slept with a colleague’s bloke. She’s currently away on business. She’s always bragging about his massive manhood and great bedroom skills, so I was expecting a mind-blowing time. Instead, I got a disappointing fumble and a pathetic three-minute performance. In the morning, I had a good snoop around her place. The trendy, stylish ‘apartment’ she is always bragging about is a damp, cluttered dump. How can she stand to be such a liar?
JANE SAYS: I’m confused. You’re angry about a colleague bragging about her lifestyle, but you’ve just bedded her bloke. How does that work? I don’t think you’re in any position to crow or complain. The fact that your colleague exaggerates her boyfriend’s sexual expertise and living conditions is completely up to her. People lie all the time. I’m not saying that’s right, but it’s a fact of life. Besides, I suspect her man, quite rightly, felt guilty and wretched during your tawdry night of ‘lust’. I suggest you take a moment and think about how you operate and how you treat other people. Just because your colleague was away didn’t make her man fair game. He needs to take a long, hard look at himself and you need to grow up.
Sneaky habits
My stepdaughter (28) is a devious woman. She pops round here, uninvited, several times a week. She goes upstairs to use the loo and is gone for ages. I’ve found her sneaking about in my bedroom touching my jewellery. She blatantly looks up the value of our house and questions our savings and the wording of our wills. Help.
JANE SAYS: You and your partner need to tell this young woman that she’s barking up the wrong tree. Explain that you’re on a budget and that if anyone is going to benefit from your belongings, house or savings it’s going to be you.
If she’s becoming a serious nuisance, then lay down some unbreakable house rules regarding respect, access and future visits. Always speak the police if you feel threatened or intimidated.
