‘Partner solely desires me for intercourse – I’m sick of being handled like a bit of meat’

JUST JANE: Today our agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is dealing with a new issue from a Daily Star reader who wishes there was more to his relationship than raw passion

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If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

One note

My part-time partner is a very demanding woman. She alone decides when we make love. Our whole relationship is played out on her terms. She simply texts me when she’s horny and keen to have sex.

I turn up; do the dirty deed, then I’m chucked out on my ear again. I thought I could handle this way of living, but I hate being treated like a piece of meat.

JANE SAYS: You’ve got to pull yourself up to your full height and explain to this woman that you’re not a sex machine and you simply refuse to perform on cue. If she’s not interested in a proper relationship, then you and she will have to part company.

Don’t waste any more of your time on someone who is utterly selfish and only cares about her own satisfaction.

Money for nothing

My ex-wife’s adult kids are bleeding me dry. I can’t get shot of the suckers…

Every week they’re on at me for money, help and favours.

I’ve just had the eldest girl on the phone again begging for £500 so that she can book a holiday. How is that my problem? She works full time and her dad is still alive. Why am I the cashpoint machine?

My ex-wife and I split in 2024 after eight years together.

These are not my kids. I don’t have any children.

Yes, of course, it was sad when she and I finally called it a day, but we were living separate lives at the end. She had her friends and I had mine. Things came to a head when I discovered that she was having an affair with her ex-boss – I caught them bonking in our bed one sunny afternoon – and left the next day.

She had three teenage kids by her ex-husband when we fell in love.

But what the ‘kids’ (all now in their twenties) can’t stand is that I’ve gone on to make quite a bit of money through my business since our divorce, and they don’t think that’s fair. They hate the fact that I now treat myself to gadgets, holidays and nice treats out. They feel they’re entitled to their share too, but they’re all grown up and I don’t feel it’s my place to sub them and theirs. I keep telling them it’s time for them to make their own way in the world, but they won’t leave me alone.

The money I have makes them circle like vultures. The eldest girl is the greediest. She’s utterly shameless. She comes up with every sob story under the sun concerning her kids, her debts and her health. The other day she went into a complete meltdown when I explained that I’m now dating a new woman. She’s terrified that the gravy train is about to hit the buffers. It is! How do I make that clear?

JANE SAYS: I think you’ve finally got to lay your cards on the table. You need to call a family meeting and simply explain that your happiness and your health are your priorities now. Your stepchildren have been in your life for a significant amount of time, but they must start standing on their own feet.

Their (adult) problems simply aren’t your responsibility. I’m sure it does annoy them that you have money that they could be sharing, but if you’re fully entitled to it. Sadly, life isn’t always fair.

Frequently, money rips families apart. Expectations can run high when one relative is flush. I’m certainly not suggesting that you should actively fall out with, or cut off, your step kids but a line does need to be drawn in the sand. They need hear that you won’t be giving out any more money to anyone.

They need to understand that you have your own life to live now and that you are entitled to a fresh start too. If they need extra cash, then they should strive to work hard and earn it. Funny how they don’t run to their own mother or father. Perhaps they’ve already told them to clear off? Whatever happens, you cannot allow anyone to guilt-trip you into coughing up. Trust your instincts and keep a clear head.

I sicken her

My daughter-in-law cannot look at me without making a sarcastic comment. Everything I do annoys her. Recently I went to stay with them, and she complained that I breathe too loudly and make her feel sick.

I don’t know what I’ve done to upset her because she was fine when we first met. She and my son lived with us for six months when they first married. But since having children, and moving into a place of their own, she’s gone off me big time. My husband maintains that I’m overly sensitive, but I know I’m not.

Must I stop seeing her and, consequently, the children?

JANE SAYS: There’s only one way to find out why your daughter-in-law is so irritated by you. You need to arrange to see her one-on-one and have this out.

Get your husband and/or son to babysit the children and insist on some long overdue honestly. Why aren’t you liked or respected? Have you done something to hack her off? Of course, we all get irritated and short tempered every so often, that’s just life, but if the mere sight of you is making her ill, then you must know why. What could you do in future to make relations more harmonious? You and she may never be best friends, but surely, it’s more to her advantage to have you on side?

Tough luck

Four months ago, a man accosted me in the street.

He told me that he was sleeping with my girlfriend. He showed me pictures of her, naked, in his bed. He announced that they were a couple now.

I said “fine”. I went home, bagged up her stuff and left on my doorstep. A few days later a female colleague asked me out. She moved in with me two weeks later. Now my ex is furious that I’m dating again. I’m receiving hysterical phone calls from her. She’s becoming a pest. She’s single again and thinks I should give her a second chance.

JANE SAYS: Your ex-partner must understand that she cheated on you and moved out. Now life has shifted along, and you’ve started again with someone new. It’s very sad that she finds herself alone. She should have considered the risks before she betrayed you. Tell her once and for all that you and she are over and resolve not to take any more of her calls. Sadly, if she continues to hound you – and becomes a real nuisance – then you may have to report this matter to the police because nothing gives her the right to harass you.