‘My bloke’s bought his colleague pregnant – he is simply thrilled he is not firing blanks’
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Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.
From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Cock of the walk
It was bad enough discovering that my man was sleeping with another woman. Now he’s gone and got her pregnant. The worst bit is that he’s so pleased with himself.
He’s strutting around saying things like: “It’s good to know the old tackle works” and “At least I’m not firing blanks”. He’s being insensitive beyond belief when he knows that I’d dearly love a child of my own. He and I have been together since 2018 and ‘trying’ for years. Up until Christmas I was insisting on sex three times a day. I’d wake him up at 6am for a session. Then I’d demand he came home in his lunch hour for passion and then ambush him in bed at night, but never with any success – I’m still without a child to this day.
He started playing around in January – buying new clothes, staying out late etc. I suspected he was cheating so began spying on him and following him around. I eventually caught him red handed, snogging a colleague in a fancy bar.
Now this woman is having his baby and he couldn’t be happier. He says that he has no plans to leave me because I own a great house that is near to his friends and family. He’s very comfortable here.
But he does intend to be fully involved in this new baby’s life. I can’t tell you how second rate that idea makes me feel.
All I long for is a baby of my own. When I tell him how humiliated I am, he snorts that it ‘won’t be all bad’. He’s even suggested I make a friend of his other lover, so that we can work out what’s best for the child. What if he expects me to pitch in when it’s his turn to have the child at weekends? I’m 34.
JANE SAYS: I strongly suggest you step out of this situation so that you can think about what is going on. Tell your partner that you need time and space to digest everything he’s told you. Then arrange to stay with family or friends and quietly exhale. Take as long as you need and don’t be rushed or influenced by anyone. Clearly your fella has decided that the best way to deal with this situation is to bluff it out. He’s attempting to put a positive spin on a complicated situation. Well done him for trying, but you need to make it clear that you won’t be bulldozed by anyone.
Quite naturally, you’re feeling betrayed and hurt. He’s made another woman pregnant and now expects you to be happy for him. He’s pretending that you’re all one, big happy family – and that you have a role to play in bringing up another woman’s baby. I understand that you’ve been together for a while and that it’s very hard to move on, but is this what you want for yourself?
The good news is that you’ve got time on your side. Speak to your GP and start to find out why you haven’t managed to get pregnant so far. It could be that you need medical help. Don’t be too proud to turn to your family because I know they’ll want to support you.
One for sorrow
I’ve always been superstitious – knocking wood, avoiding cracks in the pavement, throwing salt over my shoulder and so on. But, in recent months, I’ve become so superstitious that it’s having a terribly negative effect on my daily life. Recently I tripped over in the street and blamed it on the fact that I hadn’t said ‘Good morning’ to a Magpie in my garden.
I don’t feel in control anymore. If I’m not triple checking light switches and crossing my fingers, then I’m avoiding doing anything connected to the number 13th. My bosses, friends and family are getting sick of me. But I can’t help myself. What’s going on?
JANE SAYS: Sadly, your superstitious thoughts are beginning to overwhelm you and control the way you live your daily life. Any form of obsessive behaviour throws up cause for concern. Your superstitions are clearly frustrating and distressing you and worrying those who care about you.
Has anything changed in your life that has left you anxious or distressed? Redundancy; the end of a relationship, a death in the family? Your trip in the street had nothing to do with not saluting a magpie.
Go and see your GP and explain that your superstitions and compulsions are beginning to control your everyday behaviour and you need help. You may find reading up on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (www.ocduk.org) is useful.
Sex starved
My partner keeps complaining that he’s sex starved and frustrated and I don’t know what to do.
The problem is that I’ve not felt like having sex since an operation last October. My doctor said that I’d be able to enjoy intercourse six weeks after my procedure, but I still don’t feel sexy or ready. At first, my partner was understanding, but just recently he’s begun to get short with me. He accuses me of avoiding him at bedtime because I often sleep in the spare room. Now I’m paranoid that he’s got his eye on a neighbour.
JANE SAYS: You’ve had a serious health issues and now you both need to start again. I urge you to be honest with your partner about your feelings. Explain how hard you’re finding it to feel sexy again and ask him to be understanding and patient.
Could you introduce intimacy gradually with some kissing, cuddling and kind words? Good sex starts outside of the bedroom and kissing for at least six seconds at a time boosts longing and desire. Go back into the main bedroom with him and show him that you care. Do you need to consider revisiting your GP or consultant? Joint counselling might also help.
Eternally grateful
I’m turned on by older women. I’m 30 years of age and I like my lovers 50 and over. If they’re experienced, grateful and horny then I’m in like Flynn. Younger women are too selfish, immature and vain for me. Yet, I’m sick of my family constantly asking me when I’m going to settle down with a ‘nice girl’ of my own age.
JANE SAYS: I suspect your family worry that you might end up alone.
Why don’t you reassure them that you’re fine; that you have lots of female company and when you have something to say about your private life, then they’ll be the first to hear it. Ultimately, as long as you’re treating your lovers properly with love and respect, then you’re free to do what you like.
