‘I’m hooking up with work colleague – the intercourse is wonderful however he by no means asks me to remain’

If you have a problem that needs solving and you don’t know where to turn, look no further.

Every day, the Daily Star’s very own agony aunt Jane O’Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice.

From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues , drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn’t slowing down.

If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.

Short changed

The guy I sleep with doesn’t take me seriously.

I’m in my late twenties and ready for a proper relationship after several years of being young free and single. I crave long walks, romantic dinners and great sex with just one partner.

I’ve been intimate with a particular guy (a workmate) over a dozen times. He is good looking and exciting in the sack; only pinning him down is proving tricky. He knows that I’m desperate to become his full-time girlfriend – because my mates have told him and I’ve dropped enough hints – but he won’t budge. He and I first got together a few weeks ago at a party to celebrate my boss’s 25 years with the company. We got chatting at the bar and sparked off each other.

We flirted, then kissed and eventually ended up at my place. We had sex and it was fantastic. He was passionate, naughty and rude and we had a ball.

Since then, we’ve hooked up after work for sex at his place, but I’ve never been asked to stay the night. He’s never cooked me dinner or asked me out on a proper date. Instead, we order in pizza and then he suggests I get a cab at about midnight.

I know he doesn’t have anyone else in his life because I’ve done my homework. Some of my friends think that he’s a user. But I don’t see that. When I talk to him one-to-one, he’s sensitive and thoughtful. How do I begin to take things to the next level when he seems perfectly content with what we have?

JANE SAYS: Be proactive and have the conversation.

You’re an intelligent, strong person, ask this man out yourself. Look him in the eye and tell him what you want and need from him.

Sadly, if he changes the subject or fobs you off then you’ll finally know where you stand. After that you can either decide to stick with what you’ve got (i.e. casual sex with no commitment) or go your separate ways. The only thing I would say is that you shouldn’t hold your breath because if this guy hasn’t shown the slightest interest in asking you out until now, then I honestly don’t sense much hope. Maybe you need to accept that he’s just not interested in routine? He’s had countless chances to make you his. You and he have sex on a regular basis, yet he is the one who tells you when to go home.

The problem is that he’s in danger of crushing your confidence and making you feel worthless in the long run. Every evening you spend with him is another evening wasted.

Be strong. Listen to your friends and move on. Tell him that this is not good enough and build a new social life for yourself. Plenty of people do have casual relationships and thrive on them. But you clearly want something more, so hold out for the partner of your dreams before you start despising yourself – and him.

The final reckoning

I’ve never been good enough for my mother. She’s always been extremely vain and self-obsessed.

As a child I was shunted between relatives every time she went travelling or a new boyfriend appeared on the scene. One time I was with my Godmother and didn’t see my mum for over three years because she was ‘finding herself’ in India.

I’m now married with children of my own. My mum thinks nothing of ringing me up and demanding money and favours. She expects me to drop everything to sort her out. I hate this. Am I allowed to dump her?

JANE SAYS: The reality is that your selfish mother has always been her own person. She made your childhood a nightmare by treating you like a nuisance and farming you out.

She is never going to change her ways or improve her attitude towards you now. Therefore, you can’t allow yourself to be constantly insulted and abused by the woman. This is your time now. Your own wellbeing, your husband and children have got to be your main priorities. Have you told your husband everything about your childhood and the current situation? I suggest you do. Go and see your GP and describe the traumas you’ve been through. Find out what help and treatment is available to you. Then find the nerve to tell your mother that she needs to seek support elsewhere.

Dump and run

When I first met my ex-boyfriend our sex life was wild. We did everything, sex toys, S&M, role-playing, weird positions. One time he contacted a girl off the Internet and we had a threesome. We even had sex with a couple of his mates on a holiday. A month ago, however, walked out on me. Now he’s with a friend of a friend and saying horrible things about me.

I can’t think of a single thing I did wrong. I just don’t feel he’s being fair, do you?

JANE SAYS: I get the impression that you were in over your head with your ex-lover. You played some serious games together and now he’s moved on.

You now feel lonely and cast adrift, which is understandable, but I urge you to let him go and console yourself with the fact that you’ve probably had a lucky escape. I just don’t believe that this man would have made you happy in the long-term. Hopefully he’ll stop making silly comments about you. But if it doesn’t, and you feel that you’re being harassed or bullied, then you must think about talking to family or even the police.

Please be careful about who you mix with in future.

Bad habit for drugs

My new love interest in smart, rich and sophisticated. But I’ve been warned that he also has an expensive drug habit. A woman I trust has warned me that he takes a lot of cocaine. Apparently, his job is so stressful that only coke gives him the release he craves. Yet he looks perfectly normal to me. Should I be worried?

JANE SAYS: Alarms bells should be ringing.

I suggest you keep a very open mind from here on. Keep your eyes peeled and trust your instincts. Walk away if you have any doubts. If anyone ever offers you a ‘little something’ for a treat or a laugh, then have the courage of your convictions and say ‘no’ before you’re dragged down and become addicted and vulnerable. Remember Frank www.talktofrank.com