‘Cousin is demanding I pay for her wild intercourse vacation so she will be able to exit with a bang’
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If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email [email protected]. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Out with a bang
How do I stop my family from rising me dry?
They don’t like or respect me but that doesn’t stop them from tapping me up for cash. I’m a single guy. I run my own business and make decent money but I’m not flash.
My folks look at me and see pound signs in their eyes. Anytime I upgrade my car, book a holiday or buy something new, they become green with envy.
I choose not to discuss my private life, my lovers nor my day-to-day movements with my parents or other family members. This drives them all wild, because they feel they are entitled to know everything about me. I’m constantly asked when I’m going to get married and have children. When I ignore the questions, I’m told that I’m stuck up and disrespectful. Yet minutes later I’m also asked if I can bung my poor brother £300 to clear a credit card bill or give £400 to an uncle who can’t pay his rent. The other week my cousin asked me to give her £3,000 to go on a post-divorce, Far Eastern sex holiday. She said she intended to ‘shag, shag, shag’. She wants to out with a bang…
I politely declined and my own Mum called me mean. How do you like that?
It’s getting to the stage where I’m too frightened to attend family events and meals at my parents’ house for fear of being ambushed. My worst relative is my Dad. Not only is he envious of my money, but he’s bitterly jealous of my success too. He feels he wastes his life in a dead-end job.
He can’t stand the fact that I have a beautiful home, lovely holidays and good clothes. He’s on at me the whole time for money and gets very nasty when I dare to turn him down. Help.
JANE SAYS: No one would blame you for feeling hacked off and overwhelmed. You’ve worked hard and done well for yourself, yet the people around you continue to milk you like a prize cow. Unfortunately, they have a very strong sense of entitlement. Just because you have cash, they think they should have a share too. The truth is that if you weren’t around, then they’d all have to get on with their lives like everyone else. The fact that you hand out anything at all is a bonus. Get tough and make it clear that this ends here. Warn your clan that if anyone else asks for a handout then they’ll experience the sharp edge of your tongue. If your father feels that he hasn’t achieved his potential in life, then is there anything you can do to help boost his confidence and sense of worth?
I’m not suggesting you offer him a job or give him any more money, but is there any career advice or coaching you could offer? Does he need to go back to education, re-train or consider volunteering?
I suspect the very last thing you wish to do is fall out with anyone, but they all need to hear that you’re not human cash machine and that they’re in danger of sailing very close to the wind when it comes to your bank balance and patience.
What about a little mutual respect and maturity?
Just deserts
I’m currently homeless and dossing on a mate’s floor. Before Christmas I was living in a trendy flat with my ex-partner. But then he chucked me out. I pleaded my case and asked for compensation. But he turned me down flat. He barked that I should pay him back for the ‘free ride’ I enjoyed in the three years we’d been together.
But I contributed to food and bills too.
I thought he loved me and that we’d be together forever.
JANE SAYS: Contact your ex and ask him to examine his conscience and do the right thing by you. Explain that you have nothing and need support. Point out all the things you gave him in your time together: love, support, and companionship. Plus, you must have contributed practical help like cleaning and washing up too. Would he consider a one-off payment? Try and keep things civilised for your own dignity and sanity.
I urge you to check out citizensadvice.org.uk or go and see a solicitor. The fact is that if you paid for any improvements to the property; if you contributed financially to the bills and upkeep, then you may be in line for compensation from your ex-partner. Look back through your paperwork and bank statements to see if you have any details to back up a claim. You might not be successful but it’s worth a try.
Mummy dearest
My new mother-in-law and I clash at every turn. She’s so nasty, she makes Miss Trunchbull look like one of the good guys.
I’ve got a horrible feeling I’ve married a mummy’s boy. Just watching the two of them together is sickening. She fusses around him while putting me down. They love pouring over old photographs of him as a child. He insists we stay with her every Saturday night. But he refuses to have sex with me under her roof. They use childish nicknames and in-jokes in front of me, which is insulting.
JANE SAYS: Be honest and explain that you find the whole performance with his mother unpalatable.
What about your feelings and comfort? How does he think you feel when his mother is treating him like a three-year-old – and he is lapping it up? Insist on some significant changes in future. Why must you stay with her every weekend? What about some variety or seeing your friends? Yes, of course he loves his mother, but he needs to leave his childish habits behind. How would he feel if he stayed with your parents and you spent the whole time acting like a demanding toddler or a stroppy teenager? Embarrassed, right?
League of his own
I’ve been warned that the guy I’m obsessed with is out of my league. He and I have slept together a couple of times, and I’d like us to get together full time. Only his snotty friends have intervened and warned me that I’m wasting my time – that I’m not good enough. How dare they? He seems very keen on me.
JANE SAYS: Doesn’t the guy you’ve hooked up with have a tongue in his head? If you and he have good fun together, then why shouldn’t you date? Front him up.
Tell him that you’d like to take things further. You need to be sure that he’s not using you.
Sadly, if he’s as big a jerk as his pals, then make plans to move on before you’re hurt.
