Life below King of the North Andy Burnham – no VAR, new nationwide anthem and dinner is tea
The Daily Star’s resident professional northerner takes a look at what the country could expect when the King of the North takes over as prime minister following Sir Keir Starmer’s resignation
Andy Burnham was met with cheers from the Labour benches as he was sworn in as Makerfield MP – paving the way to become prime minister.
The King of the North is set to be crowned Labour leader without an election contest after main rival Wes Streeting announced he would not stand. And he could become PM within weeks after Sir Keir promised an “orderly handover of power”.
Super serious political journalists are now scratching their chins pondering what Burnham will be like as PM. Luckily the Star’s own professional northerner grew up just a few miles from Burnham, so we asked him what life under him might look like.
Take it away Ashley Pemberton, if you’re not busy brushing yer homin’ whippet…
New national dish
Chicken tikka masala is widely considered the national dish of the UK. Others would argue it’s fish and chips. For those who suggest Burnham is a flip flopper, one place he will bring a clear vision for is food.
When asked by Mumsnet what his favourite was, he told them: “I don’t have a sweet tooth and don’t eat biscuits. But give me a beer and chips and gravy any day.” Expect chips and gravy to be the new national dish. Nobody wants a soggy chip!
New national sport
Another area where there is debate, many consider football to be the national sport of the UK. Meanwhile in England at least, while others argue it’s cricket. In Wales, it is arguably rugby union.
Burnham is famously an Everton fan, but the former Leigh MP was once the honorary chairman of the Leigh Centurions rugby league team, now known as Leigh Leopards, and was president of the Rugby Football League from July 2018 until the summer of 2019.
Making rugby league the national sport would also give us a big boost in our international relations as Australian PM Anthony Albanese is also a big fan and it’s also the national sport of Papua New Guinea.
Meal time decision
Burnham hopes to be a unifying figure in the Labour party after a period of infighting over a slump in the polls. And he could unite the nation by answering the burning question once and for all: What do you call your three meals of the day?
Expect Burnham to take a hard-line on this and enshrine in law that it is breakfast, dinner and tea. ‘Lunch’ may be acceptable for lighter meals, but expect him to announce jail time for those who call their tea ‘dinner’.
New national anthem
As a sitting MP, Burnham has had to swear allegiance to the King. But as a northerner, he has a fantastic taste in music. And as Greater Manchester Mayor, he played a number of charity DJ sets.
On the campaign in Makerfield, he was asked if he preferred Britpop legends Oasis or the heirs to their Manchester throne The Courteeners. He was unable to split them. But don’t be surprised to see Wonderwall named as the new national anthem.
VAR banned
Die-hard Evertonian Burnham previously said he would ban Video Assistant Referees (VAR) in football if it was up to him. He said: “Gone. Get rid. It’s killing spontaneity. I’m a season ticket holder at Everton.
“You can’t celebrate a goal because you think someone in an industrial unit is going to rule it out. So that’s a bad thing. But number two, it doesn’t get decisions right. You could put up with it if it then got decisions right, but it doesn’t.”
Corrie on the curriculum
The country’s favourite – and superior – soap would be shown in schools so the nation’s children can learn how to talk properly.
Within two generations, northern accents would be the dominant in the UK, thus completing the legacy of the King of the North. And Everton retro shirts will be mandatory for PE lessons.
